ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"I'm more than happy to address it."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“9yŒ´‘čzNo Questions Asked

Kids, as you know, Lily and Marshall had decided to move to Rome after Barney and Robin's wedding.

We're going to Italy.

S?.

But without telling Lily, Marshall had then accepted a judgeship in New York.

Good luck with that... Your Honor.

Until his always-helpful road trip companion Daphne had selflessly come to his aid.

selflessly –łŽ„–ł—~‚Ĺ come to someone's aid ‹~•‚ÉŒü‚Š‚¤

You texted Lily that I took the job?

You're welcome. You were torturing yourself figuring out how to tell her, I just broke the ice for you.

torture ‚Đ‚Ç‚­‹ę‚ľ‚ß‚é

I was standing on that ice. Now I'm gonna be bobbing, facedown on a frigid creek.

frigid ‹ÉŠŚ‚Ě creek Źě

I do not need to know the nasty way you apologize to your wife. And frigid? Maybe you're just doing it wrong.

Hi, baby.

I can't believe you did this behind my back.

I know, I should have talked to you.

Thanks to you, we are stuck all weekend in the room with a ghost in it.

Thanks to you ‚¨‚Š‚°‚ł‚Ü‚Ĺ creek Źě

Room with a...? We got 13? The room that's haunted by the ghost of Captain Dearduff?

Who got the who with the what now?

Marshall had recently discovered that the Farhampton Inn was featured in an episode of The Ghost Network's original series, True & Real Ghost Stories of the Supernatural.

Ooh, there, see?

The Farhampton Inn. I told you it sounded familiar.

In 1843, the streets of Farhampton, Long Island were stalked by a vicious killer named Captain Blazeby Dearduff. Dubbed Dearduff the Hooker, he murdered dozens of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook. Ironically that hook would prove Dearduff's own undoing one wintry night in room 13 of the Farhampton Inn.

vicious ‹Ľ–\‚Č Dubbed ‘Ö‚Ě

Uh-oh.

He was found the next morning, frozen to death.

Boom!

Some say you can still hear Captain Dearduff's cries coming from room 13.

Cold. So cold. Help me... help me...

We can see you, Ron.

Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg and the scrape of his hook. Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just a popular male prostitute who murdered no one and died of syphilis in 1848. Let's hear from some people who have actually survived a night in room 13.

thump ƒhƒ“‚Ć‘Ĺ‚Â peg ‚­‚Ź syphilis ”~“Ĺ

Did I see a ghost? Of course...Yes. There's... Are. ...such thing as ghosts.

So, have you seen the ghost?

Not yet, but that might just be because ghosts don't exist, Marshall!

So explain the night shirt we saw flying around our cabin in the Poconos.

An owl got stuck in it. We saw it fly out the neck hole.

owl ƒtƒNƒƒE

Yeah, the ghost of an owl that died in that cabin.

Plus it's a crappy room, but when I tried to complain...

The thermostat in my room is broken. The AC won't turn off.

Ooh! Sounds like the work of Captain Dearduff. He brings with him the icy chill of death. So... bad luck there. Night-night.

It sounds like you're using Captain Dearduff as an excuse for a crappy room.

I beg your pardon. I did not get to be a 40-year-old night clerk by making excuses. Now, if there is anything wrong with your room that isn't ghost-related, I'm more than happy to address it.

more than happy to Šě‚ń‚Ĺ‚ˇ‚é address ‘Ώˆ‚ˇ‚é

Okay, the Wi-Fi doesn't work.

Ghosts interfere with electronic devices.

The shower's leaking.

Dearduff likes the sound of dripping. Reminds him of his bleeding victims.

dripping …“H

And the door won't lock.

Captain Dearduff doesn't want to... you know, be locked out of his room.

Why would a locked door keep a ghost out? Can't he just walk through walls?

Maybe he's afraid of rats.

There are rats in the walls?

No.

And the inn's booked up because of the wedding, so we can't change rooms.

booked up –žČ‚Ĺ‚ ‚é

Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry, baby. Hey... but if Dearduff does manifest, you know the proper way to harvest ectoplasm, right?

proper ł‚ľ‚˘ harvest •ßŠl‚ˇ‚é ectoplasm S—ě‘Ě

Hey, good news-- we're all set for the dove release.

The what?

When we leave the church, they're gonna release a hundred doves. It's gonna be avi-wait-for-it-ary. Aviary!

Aviary ’šŹ‰Ž

Oh. That might be a problem.

Why?

Because when we leave the church, a few of the gun enthusiasts in my family are gonna fire a 21-gun salute.

salute j–C

Hey, man.

Oh, look-- one got away.

Can't you guys just fire blanks?

At a wedding? Yeah, that's romantic.

Ted! What the hell are you doing in my room?!

Uh...

There was an explanation. You see, after Marshall got off the phone with Lily, he'd called me.

Hey, buddy. What's up?

Ted, listen, I need you to sneak into Lily's room, find her phone, and delete the last text she got.

Why? What's...

Ted, I need you to do this no questions asked. And as we both know, you owe me a No Questions Asked.

Hey.

Hey. Listen, I need you to do something for me no questions asked, okay?

What is it?

Meet me at the corner of 53rd and 8th. Bring your drill.

Marshall.

What the hell? How did you...

No... questions... asked.

I broke federal law drilling you out of that mailbox.

Hey, I was a man in need.

in need ˘‚Á‚Ä‚˘‚é

I know. You were a Priority Male.

You said you'd stop doing that joke after the editor of Bazooka Joe comics rejected it.

That man is a comedy snob. The point is, you owe me a No Questions Asked.

snob Œ™‚Č“z

Okay, okay! I'll delete the text.

Thank you.

I just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room.

Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so...

The drainpipe!

What?

There's a drainpipe that runs up near her window, and, no big deal, I can totally climb it. I'll call you when it's done.

Her door is unlock...

Uh... Marshall wanted me to check on you. He was worried that you might be scared all alone in the ghost room.

Remind me to call you next time Marvin has a nightmare... you can calm him by bursting into his room with a chain saw and a hockey mask!

Sorry, I didn't want to knock in case you were already asleep, so I just climbed the drainpipe up to your window. No big deal. Mm, opened the latch with this here coat hanger. I would have called, but, uh... well, I didn't know if you'd have your phone handy. Say, where is that old phone of yours?

Ted, I am not scared, so why don't you head back to your room... Oh... kay... Why, I guess you can stay until I fall asleep, if it'll make you feel better? A-And... maybe if it'll make you feel even better, you can sing me a version of Marvin's lullaby?

Okay. Okay. Night-night, little Lily No ifs, ands or buts No peg-legged ghost is waiting To hook out your guts.

ifs and buts Œž‚˘–ó

Ted!

Sorry. Sorry. Nighty-night.

Cold... So cold. Help me. Help me...

Oh, God, the Hooker's here!

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