ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Get your head out of your ass, Ted."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzThe Fortress

Lily and I really need this night out. A big fancy dinner and the ballet. Thank you so much for babysitting.

Hey, three bucks an hour, thank you.

Oh, hey, baby. Yeah, I'm just on my way out. If you get there before... Come on, really? I'll see you later.

Captain? I'm sorry, dude. But, hey, look at it this way: now you don't have to go to the ballet.

Get your head out of your ass, Ted. There was no ballet. We were gonna sneak into your apartment and bang.

get one's head out of one's ass –Ú‚đŠo‚Ü‚š

Well, you know what might take both our minds off that? A little, uh... Woodworthy Manor.

take one's mind off –Y‚ę‚é

No, I-I-I can't. I-I promised Lily that I would wait and watch it with her. And I feel like I'd be cheating on her.

Sure, sure, sure, sure, I get all that. It's just, um... You know, tonight they're gonna finally reveal who framed the chimney sweep for stealing Lord Stoutshire's gooseberries.

reveal –ž‚ç‚Š‚É‚ˇ‚é frame ćȂ߂é chimney sweep ‰Œ“Ë‘|œl

And reveal the winner of the local gardening competition. I don't know how they're going to pack all that action into one episode.

Oops.

No, Ted, you know I promised Lily, I...

Shh, shh, shh. Just let it happen.

Later that week, Barney came home to discover that Robin had a little surprise waiting for him.

Wha...? Mimosas?

Mm-hmm.

Freshly-baked cookie smell? A middle-aged woman in a red blazer? I see what this is. You finally green-lit my orgy idea!

orgy —’s‹C‘›‚Ź

Okay. It's an open house, Barney. Say good-bye to your fortress.

If we weren't about to have an orgy, I'd be so mad at you right now.

If you'll follow me into the bedroom, I'll show you some beautiful woodwork.

I am way too upset right now to point out how many women have seen some beautiful woodwork in there. Angry self five! Rah! Robin, I did not agree to this.

Yes, you did. That is why I gave up my apartment. Not so I could live in a disease-riddled bang pad haunted by the ghosts of your ex-skanks. The bathrooms are Italian marble.

disease •a‹C riddled ‚˘‚Á‚Ď‚˘‚É‚Č‚Á‚˝

Hello, old bean. Jolly good evening, isn't it?

What are you doing here? And why do you sound like Madonna?

Uh, Robin asked us all to come here and pretend that we are prospective buyers who love this apartment.

And inspired by a character on Woodworthy Manor, I've decided to play Emsbry Postlethwaite, a handsome cricket player who secretly hates his life.

You don't have to be a cricket player.

Tell that to Emsbry's father.

Sorry! Oh... I was checking out some mole people's graffiti art and my cape got caught on the F train. Oh. Bisou bisou.

get caught on ˆř‚Á‚Š‚Š‚é

Oh, what a cute baby. What's his name?

Marvin.

For my father.

Oh, that's so sweet. Have you two been looking at a lot of places in this neighborhood?

Oh, actually they're not...

Yes, we have.

What?

My husband Emsbry and I just love this area.

I'm a cricket player who secretly hates his life.

What are you doing?

Well, you were late yet again, and so I'm gonna do this little scene study with Ted. Why? Because he's there for me.

Pretending you're married? That's going a little far to prove your point, isn't it?

Excuse me, but I think it's offensive to suggest the only reason gay people get married is to prove a point.

No, no, no, no, no. I didn't... that's not what I...

Thank you, sister-- somebody needs to get this lady's mind a rearview mirror because she is thinking in reverse.

Hate is a four-letter word.

I didn't... I voted for...

Oh, is this part of a security system?

Sort of. It's connected to the welcome mat. You see... Let's say the young lady you're bringing home is dressed for winter. Under those layers, an unwelcome surprise could await you. The scale with body fat calculator I've hidden under the welcome mat makes sure you never have banger's remorse. The Heavy Set Go by Stinson, patent pending. 'Cause there's only one kind of chubby you want in the bedroom. Am I right, people? This guy knows what I'm talking about.

I don't want to tell you and Emsbry how to raise your child, but I think if you keep letting him nap, he's gonna be up all night.

Funny, you sound like someone who's been around for his bedtime lately. Uh, can somebody get this lady a storefront 'cause she needs to mind her own business, mm-kay?

Would you stop it?

Oh, right, right, because it's a choice.

You know what's not a choice? Being gay for this kitchen. That came out wrong-- the point is, let's focus on this awesome apartment.

You're right.

Look at that fabulous plasma television.

My ex-husband, who never supported my career, would love to watch the Vikings never win a Super Bowl in franchise history on that thing.

How dare you.

Don't let her push your buttons.

Right. I don't care about football. I'm more of a... Woodworthy Manor fan. I very much enjoyed watching it the other night. With Emsbry.

Oh, you didn't.

Yeah, oh, yeah. I know who deliberately overwatered Lady Chillsbury's prize-winning roses.

deliberately ‚í‚´‚Ć

They have been building to that reveal all season, Marshall, don't you tell me...

It was Parson Smallsby.

Wow, great view.

And customizable. Let's say you promised a girl a surprise trip to the most romantic place on Earth.

No peeking.

Wow, we must've gone far. We were on your private jet for, like, six hours.

Well, You definitely weren't on a bus to Delaware and back wearing earplugs, I'll tell you that much. And I think you'll agree it was worth the wait once you see the view. Et voila ma cherie.

Oh, my God.

You flew me to Vegas?

It's, um... it's Par... Well, hey, whatever works, whatever...

The Room With a Screw by Stinson, patent pending.

I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to drive people away.

No, I'm not-- I'm just trying to show off all of its one-of-a-kind features. See, see, there's also, uh, Venice. Niagara Falls, African safari. Oh... and my favorite... Huh? Nothing gets a girl to go from on the fence to on all fours faster than thinking everyone she's ever held dear is a glowing pile of ash. Mushroom cloud five.

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