ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Okay, now I'm on track."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzThe Mermaid Theory

Ted: Hi, Captain. The Captain. Captain.

Captain: Ahoy, Ted! Excellent to see you.

Ted: Ah, you, too. Uh, where's Zoey?

Captain: Well, I'm afraid she's feeling a little under the weather. Looks like it's just you, me and six hours in frigid international waters.

under the weather ‹ď‡‚ވŤ‚˘ frigid ŠŚ‚˘

Ted: Or we could stay on dry land, hang out with some... witnesses.

Captain: You're a hoot. I've been looking forward to this. For a very long time. Well, anchors aweigh!

hoot ‚Ć‚Ä‚ŕ–Ę”’‚˘l Anchors aweigh ‚˘‚Š‚č‚đ‚ ‚°‚ë

Narator: Kids, here's one thing I do remember. I was pretty sure I was going to die that night.

Robin: You know, I had this really boring poetry class in college.

Marshall: You were just thinking that this dinner is really boring. That's what made you think of your boring class in college.

Robin: What?! What? No! No! No, no, no. Marshall, no. No. I... I just saw that board of specials, and I thought, you know what sucks? Being bored. Which I am not. So that clears that... right up.

Marshall: Robin, I'm an attorney.

Robin: Fine. This night's a little awkward.

Marshall: I guess it's 'cause we never hang out alone together.

Robin: Why is that?

Marshall: It's 'cause of The Mermaid Theory. Two years ago, I had just hired a new assistant at GNB.

Barney: So, who's the eye broccoli?

Marshall: Okay, that's Iris, my new assistant. And yes, she's a little plain, but I'm married, so that's good.

Barney: Mark my words, Marshall. Someday you will find Iris so excruciatingly attractive, you won't be able to look her directly in the boobs.

excruciatingly ‘Ď‚Ś“‚Ů‚Ç

Marshall: I don't think that's gonna be a problem.

Barney: Marshall, do you know how the myth of mermaids came to be?

myth _˜b

Marshall: I'm sorry. Myth?

Barney: It was 300 years ago. Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad that, eventually, the manatees out in the water started to look like... beautiful women. Mermaids. Let's go get some tail! Oh. You see, every woman, no matter how initially repugnant, has a mermaid clock... the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her. Sure, today you see Iris as a manatee. But she ain't gonna stay that way. Marshall, your secretary's mermaid clock starts right now.

Marshall: And it took one year, three months, and 16 days, but eventually...

Barney: Told you. The Mermaid Theory. It's a thing. You owe me 500 bucks.

Marshall: Did we bet on this?

Barney: Let's say yes.

Robin: And that's why we never hang out alone?

Marshall: Yes.As Lily's best friend, you are the last person on the planet o's allowed to turn into a mermaid.

Robin: Wait, does that mean that I'm a manatee right now?

Marshall: Big-time manatee.

Robin: What were those sailors thinking?

Marshall: Huh. I don't know. Being out at sea can do crazy things to a man.

Captain: Vast, the sea. Deep. Endless. Going around for miles. You could scream and scream, and not a soul would hear you. Listen to this. Help! Somebody help me! I'm trapped on a boat with a madman! Help! See? Nothing.

Vast L‘ĺ‚Č

Ted: He's gonna kill me. Okay, calm down, Teddy. He's not jealous. He hasn't even mentioned Zoey.

Captain: So, Ted, I noticed you've been spending a lot of time with Zoey.

Lily: Seriously? I step away for five seconds, and you eat all my onion rings? No surprise there.

Barney: What's that supposed to mean? Are you calling me fat? If there is one thing you never do, it is call a woman fat right to her face!

Narator: Wait. Barney's not a woman. That's right... Barney wasn't hurt by Lily, Lily was hurt by Barney.

Lily: Want to hang?

Barney: Nah.

Barney: Watch out!

Lily: Wow... thanks, Barney. You saved me. You saved us.

Lily: If there's one thing you never do, it's call a woman fat right to her face!

Narator: Okay, now I'm on track. The rest of this story should make perfect sense.

on track ‡’˛‚ɐi‚ń‚Ĺ

Barney: Oh, Lily, I'm sorry. Hey, you want to see a magic trick?

Lily: You're a jerk.

Narator: Okay, that makes no sense. Kids, I'm officially admitting defeat. I will never remember this story. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

Captain: Ted, let me show you my harpoon collection.

harpoon ƒn[ƒv[ƒ“

Ted: Just gonna make a quick call. Hey, silly question. What are our exact nautical coordinates?

nautical qŠC‚Ě

Captain: How now? Oh, bother. Well... she's a goner. By now, the icy tide has already dropped its core temperature to near freezing. And down it goes. Now it's at 50 meters. Complete crushing blackness. 100 meters. The pressure is so intense, the keys are popping right out of its head.

goner Ž€‚É‘Ě icy —â‚˝‚˘ tide ’Ş—Ź

Ted: Head?

Captain: 200 meters. No one will ever find its mangled remains, save for the crustacea that feed off its lifeless husk. Can you hear me now? No. Because you're on the bottom of the sea.

mangled ‚¸‚˝‚¸‚˝‚Ě husk Šk

Ted: Well, I got a big morning, so... Dry cleaners, bank, you know, so...

Captain: Ted, it's time. I have something for you. Wait here.

Ted:: Okay, you got to swim for it, Mosby. Man versus sea. You can do this. You didn't get a "Good Effort" ribbon from the Shaker Heights JCC Swim Camp because you don't have what it takes.

Captain: Found it. Zoey told me you're a scotch drinker. I bought this special for tonight.

Narator:And just as I started to realize that maybe I wasn't in danger after all, we hit a bump.

Captain: Ted?

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