Why does this have to happen now? I mean, just when things are going so great with Don.It's the never-ending battle of my life.Career versus romance.
Never-ending battle? Career's been trouncing romance for years.It's like the Globetrotters versus the Generals.Career's sinking hook shots from half court.Romance is just a bunch of slow, white guys who couldn't make it in the Italian league.
Ted, I'm lost.What should I do?
Okay, you seriously need to talk to Don about this.
I'm just too confused to put this on Don.I need to leave him out of it until I figure out what I want.
That makes sense.
And I'm sorry I can't give you better advice on this.The truth is, it's impossible for me to be objective about you moving away.
to be objective 第三者
Mmm.Did you get a manicure?
No, I didn't get a -
He sure did.
Why are you brunette and driving a cab?
Oh! That.You know how it's my dream to have sex with at least one woman - from every country on the planet?
Sure.Wow.You're doing surprisingly well in the Baltics.
Mmm-hmm.So I figured, what's the quickest way to get around the world in 180 lays? Lease a cab and wait outside the UN building for hot foreign chicks.It was the perfect plan.There was only one small detail I didn't take into account.
take into account 考慮する
Chicks don't want to bang cab drivers?
Chicks do not want to bang cab drivers.And I put a lot of work into this one.
I can't believe this.Now I gotta tell Lily the fifth doppelganger is a fake.
So, what does she care?
Lily decided that once we spotted your doppelganger, - we'd start trying to have kids.
Kids! No! Uh-uh! The rule is, no kids until you're at least 45.Do you ever read my blog? It's gotten a lot better.
I'm ready to be a dad, you know? But Lily needs some sign from the universe.And now it could be years.
I'm sorry, buddy.That'll be 37.50.
So, that night, Marshall went home to break the bad news to Lily.
The universe has spoken.Marshall Eriksen, let's make a baby.
Hey.You Hang on, hang on, hang on.I heard you were doing this, so I wrote down some stuff.Hey, I'm planning a white wedding.Tell me, Billy Idol, is it a nice day for that? Some other Billy Idol ones.If anyone's looking for the real Slim Shady, he's right here.That one's only okay.Robin, why aren't you getting in on this?
get in on 一役買う
Okay, first of all, I'm getting tons of compliments.Second of all, tell him.
He's not getting tons of compliments.
No, the other thing.
Oh.I might move to Chicago next week.
Not for nothing or nothing, but we'd still be doing this even if we hadn't seen Doppelganger Barney, right?
Oh, but we did see him, which means the universe, in all its infinite wisdom, is telling you to stick me and stick me real good.
I can't.I can't, in good conscience, stick you.
I know what's bothering you.
The cabbie just didn't look enough like Barney.
Well, that's just not true.
No! Time out.This is a group decision.You can't just move to Chicago, unless we all say it's okay.
Barney, I think this has to be Robin's
Stay out of this, Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV.We need Marshall and Lily.
That cabbie was, like, a foot shorter than Barney.
He was the exact same size.
And you know what? I think he was Asian.Yeah, that guy was like a tiny, graying Asian man, with a soul patch and a potbelly.
graying 白髪の potbelly 太鼓腹
Have you completely forgotten what Barney looks like?
You guys banging?
Why are you in our bedroom? Why are you in our bedroom? Why is Ellen DeGeneres in our bedroom?
Hey! This is working.
Wait a minute.Candles, flowers.Oh! I guess Marshall forgot to tell you.The fifth doppelganger was me.
What, wait, and you knew about this? You lied to me?
By omission.And it's only because this whole leave it to the universe thing of yours is insane, Lily.
Baby, you knew I needed to decide if we
Lily, we need to be in control of our own destinies.
Guys! Guys! We're forgetting what's really important here.Ted's blond.
Guys, I am pulling this off.Now, Robin has something important to tell you.
He's not pulling it off.
No, the other thing.
He got a manicure.
The other thing.
I got a job offer in Chicago.
That's why we all came down here, to try and talk Robin out of making a huge
Actually, I've already made a decision.Guys, I gotta take it.
I can't believe we're losing Robin.
Guys, this might be the depression talking, but is Ted's hair starting to look kind of good?
Thank God.I thought I was the only one.
He looks like a freaking movie star.
And by the way, this was a huge mistake.I'm changing my hair back.
Not at all awesome.
So, I just got off the phone with Chicago.
Yes, I have made a decision.Um I appreciate the offer, but I can't take the job.Thanks.
Hey, Lily.Tell me something.You saw actual Barney driving that cab, and you thought it was a petite, potbellied Asian man.
I know.Weird, right?
It's not weird.It means you're not ready.And I'm sorry that I tried to rush things.Our baby can wait for the real Doppelganger Barney.
Hey, Moo-Moo.Monty made you thin crust pizza, just the way you like it.Mmm.You okay?
Robin, you're not gonna believe this.I got offered the lead anchor job at WNKW in Chicago.
Oh! Um What'd you say?
I said yes.I've been waiting years for a shot like this.I was hoping you'd understand.