Marshall: Hey, man, you like kettle corn? I'm trying to get rid of anything crunchy.
Barney: Are the blinds closed?
Marshall: I don't know.
Barney: Are the blinds closed?!
Marshall: Yes, the blinds are closed.
Barney: Good, I didn't think I was followed, but you can never be too sure. Now double-lock the door and stay away from the windows.
Marshall: Is there a reason that you're acting like this?
Barney: We're about to find out if you're a lawyer. Now, in good conscience, I have to inform you that using this software is in violation of the Patriot Act, the Strategic Defense Initiative, and the National Security Act of 1948, which created the CIA. So I hope you passed the bar because if we use this software, the night janitor Gligor who I fooled into putting fingerprints on my computer, is going to need a good lawyer. Are you certain you want to go through with this?
in good conscience 良心に省みて janitor 管理人
Marshall: I have to know, yes, yes.
Barney: Very good.
Barney: First, we go to the New York State Bar Web site. We disable the firewall, then the recursive algorithm grabs your password, and as the application erases itself leaving no trace we were here ever... you ready to see your future, bro?
Marshall: It's a dog pooping on a baby.
Barney: Right! Isn't that awesome?
Marshall: So you went through all this just to get me to look at your stupid video?
Barney: Yeah, it was worth it.
Marshall: Barney, Barney, that was the biggest test of my life. I'm incredibly stressed out right now, and I... Okay, that's pretty funny.
Barney: You got to see this.
Ted: Yeah, I have to... She'll call back when she realizes I'm gone. Probably in about 45 minutes. Hey.
Ted: You guys want a drink?
Robin: I'll just have a water.
Ted: Mm, technically, water is a drink.
Robin: Really, Professor? You drink it? Is that how water works? Because I was just gonna smear it on my skin and hope that I absorbed it.
smear シミが付く absorbed 吸収された
Barney: Or you could, you know, pour it over your shirt.
Ted: What's with you?
Robin: You're always correcting people.
Marshall: You totally do that!
Barney: That's absolutely right.
Robin: Right? I never noticed it before, and now it's literally driving me crazy.
Ted: Figuratively. Okay, maybe so, but it's no worse than you using the word "literally" in every other sentence.
Barney: Don't they teach vocabulary in Canada?
Marshall: They literally don't. They literally don't.
Robin: Shut up, Marshall. That's nothing compared to your thing of singing what you do all the time.
Marshall: Paying my bills using return address labels From a charity that I haven't given money to Writing a check 'cause now I feel guilty The Salivation Army does not fight fair.
Marshall: Heading down to the basement today With my laundry and a roll of quarters But I'm back too soon 'cause I left the detergent and the fabric softener Those lines are so sloppy.
Barney: Those lines are so sloppy.
Lily: That is annoying.
Marshall: Oh, come on! What about you, "Barney"? Okay, you... always...
Barney: Interesting, interesting, everyone has annoying habits but me.
Marshall: Oh, got it. Okay, you sometimes talk in a weird high-pitched voice.
Robin: And you're constantly using lame catchphrases.
Ted: And sometimes you space out and don't even pay attention to what we're talking about.
space out ぼんやりする
Barney: I'm sorry. What? Oh, see? You can't think of anything 'Cause I'm awesome!
Robin: All three right there.
Ted: Well, technically, "awesome" wouldn't be a catchphrase. If anything, it's more of a catchword.
Robin: I literally want to rip your head off.
rip someone's head off の頭を引っこ抜く
Ted: You mean "figuratively"!
Robin: No, I literally mean "literally." Literally, literally, literally. Oh, my God, Lily, what are you eating, gravel?
Marshall: Oh, I know, right? It sounds like cufflinks going up a vacuum cleaner.
Lily: Well, why don't you sing about it?
Marshall: Because I don't sing about everything I do.
Robin: No, no, sometimes you just sing nonsense sentences like a stroke victim, and what's worse, they're catchy. Apple, orchard, banana, cat dance, 8663 See? We know that one because once you sang that for, like, three hours. What the hell is that?
Marshall: That's my password. AOBCD8663.
Ted: Oh, Marshall! Awesome!
Barney: There's another one. It's called "Golden Reliever," where this dog...
Lily: Yeah, we can guess.
Marshall: All right, guys, guys, guys. I'm a lawyer.
Narrator: And just like that we stopped fighting and celebrated Marshall's success. You see, when someone's bad habits are pointed out to you, it's hard to ignore them.
Marshall: I'm a lawyer now 'cause I passed the bar I'm imposing Marshall law on this champagne.
Robin: Oh my God, are you literally on cloud nine right now?
Lily: Baby, you never have to take the bar again.
Ted: Actually, if he practices law in another state, he will have to, but New York, man! It's a great state to practice law in!
Barney: Lawsuit up!
Narrator: But if you love them enough, those bad habits are easy to forget.
Narrator: Three years later, I ran in to Cathy and she was doing well.
Cathy: Ted?! Oh, my God, I haven't seen you in so long! How long has it been? Three years? No, four. No, three, 'cause I went blonde and then I went back 'cause I was having too much fun. It's true what they say: blondes have more fun. Oh, my God, I'm being so rude. Ted, this is my fiance. Yes, I'm engaged. Ted, this is Daniel. Daniel... this is Ted.
Ted: Great, great, nice to meet you. You guys seem perfect for each other.
Cathy: Oh, my God. I know, right? Totally, it was like love at first sight. Hey, we should go out sometime. Are you seeing anyone? Because we could double-date. That... ? No, it's not weird. We can go have brunch out the street. I know this place. Do you guys like popovers? Because I love popovers.
Ted: She sur can talk a lot, huh?
Cathy: They're like croissants, but they're a little bit less flaky and they're kind of round. Hey, they have strawberry jam.