Barney: Look at us! It's like three of the same guy. Oh, my God, this explains why I was always so awesome at basketball. Guys, I'm black! Sorry. African-American. No. I'm allowed to say either. I got to go get my camera!
James: That is my younger brother, Barney. He just thought he'd meet his real dad today, and clearly, he's not taking it so well.
Sam: Oh, my head's kind of spinning, too. I mean, Loretta and I only saw each other for a couple of months. You were two before I even knew you existed, and at that point, your mother made it very clear she was going to raise you on her own. I felt I had to respect her wishes, but I always wanted to meet you.
Ted: Wait. Barney and James are two years apart. If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months, he couldn't possibly be Barney's father.
Robin: He's also quite the detective.
Lily: Don't worry. We'll... We'll snap Barney out of this when he gets back.
snap someone out of 抜け出させる
Marshall: Or, he could just let him have this one.
Lily: Are you kidding?
Marshall: Guys, Barney's losing his childhood home, he finally admitted Bob Barker's not his dad, and then he watched James meet his real father. It's just a lot to go through in one afternoon. Can't we just let the guy be black for a day?
Barney: Here, Ted. Capture the moment!
Ted: I think you'd need Salvador Dali to capture this particular moment, but I'll give it a whirl.
give it a whirl 試しにやってみる
Barney: Man... I thought I was a light-skinned Caucasian, but in truth, I'm a really light-skinned African-American. Man, try to hail a cab in Manhattan. Am I right? Nope, no one's stopping for this. These guys don't understand what I'm talking about.
hail a cab タクシーを止める
Narator: During that afternoon, Sam and James began to discover how much they had in common.
have in common 共通点がある
Sam: Come on. You know this. Come on. There you go. Come on.
Robin: Weird day.
Ted: Weird day.
Robin: Hey, look at that! Liz still wants to meet you. That's great!
Ted: I guess. Wait a minute. You said Liz was a total ten. Why would she want to meet the incontinent freak show you described? You oversold her!
Robin: Maybe a little.
Ted: You said she was a ten.
Robin: I did not specify on what scale.
Ted: You said she looked like a movie star.
Robin: She does. It's Robert De Niro, but, like, super buff, like in Cape Fear.
Barney: Dad, look how fast I can run!
James: He's actually a really sweet guy, and he's great with my son.
Sam: I have a grandson?
James: His name's Eli.
Sam: He's beautiful.
Barney: Dad, you're not looking!
Narator: Eventually, the strangest afternoon of our lives wound to a close, and we headed back to Staten Island, where Barney and his mom had a long overdue heart-to-heart.
Loretta: Barney? I need to talk to you.
Barney: Me first. Mom, there's something that I need to ask you, and I... I want you to be honest with me. Why do white people like Carrot Top?
Loretta: Listen... I always wanted to be enough for you boys. I think that's why it always hurt whenever you asked about your dads, because I was always trying so hard to be both parents for you. But I was being selfish. You deserve the truth. So here it is. Sam is not your father.
Barney: Are you sure?
Loretta: Yes. He's black, dear. But if you want, I can tell you who your father really is.
Narator: And at that moment, Barney suddenly saw his childhood more clearly than he ever had before.
coatch: I'm sorry, but your son can't be on the team. He's terrible.
Barney: What'd Coach say, Ma?
Loretta: He said you're simply too good to be on the team. It's not fair to the other boys. But that's okay. We can just play together in the backyard.
Barney: Why didn't anyone come?
Loretta: Oh, you know what, dear? Apparently, there was a mix-up with the mail. I just got this letter from the Postmaster General.
Barney: "Dear Barney, I sincerely apologize "for losing all the invitations you sent out to your eighth birthday party."
Barney: It's okay, Mom. I don't need it.
Loretta: But it's your father.
Barney: I already have a father. And his name... is Loretta.
Narator: Kids, your uncle Barney grew up without a dad. And it always made him feel incomplete. But as he hugged Loretta, surrounded by the boxes into his happy childhood, he realized he had one hell of a mom.
Barney: Wait. Dad! James! Where are you going? That's the best part. Can we go camping?