ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"We need a third impartial bro to settle this."

——F’B

ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“9yŒ´‘čzThe Broken Code

I'm sorry I said you hate women.

Yeah, don't be. For whatever reason, I just... I can't seem to connect with them. Down!

Can you help me? I've got a bunch more wedding gifts in the van. Yay! I love Robin so much!

Oh, God, I'm gonna strangle that bitch.

strangle i‚ߎE‚ˇ

Robin, what is it with you and women?

They're so annoying. I'm glad that you're my only female friend. Girls are always whining and crying over every little thing. Yes. That's exactly... Thank you. Oh, oh, boo-hoo. Look at me. I'm a sensitive little girl... Oh. God, I'm sorry. You're actually crying.

It's just so sad. I can't be your only girlfriend.

Well, I... I don't need anybody else. I got... I got you.

For another six days and then I'm off to Rome for a year. What are you gonna do without our Saturday morning brunch with a side of sassy gossip?

sassy –łě–@‚Č

A one-shot power play?! Hey! Hey, Boston! Why not drop your hockey pants and actually take a dump on the ice next time?! I love it!

take a dump ”r•Ö‚ˇ‚é

See? It is just too horrible to even think about.

Yeah.

You... need another female friend.

Whenever I try to talk to women, they look like they want to punch me.

Well, maybe you're accidentally giving off the wrong vibe. Like, what do you say to other women at the gym?

give off o‚ˇ vibe Š´î

Oh, well, I haven't been to the gym in forever. My metabolism is all messed up. See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. Well, everywhere except for my boobs. So annoying.

moose –Ł—Í“I‚Ĺ‚Č‚˘‘Ě

You're gonna need a lot of work.

It's in here. Somewhere. I... It has to be. Damn it, I know I should've done these in alphabrotical order.

Who cares about the Bro Code? It's just some stupid book you made up.

How dare you? The Bro Code has been around for centuries. Nay... whatever's more than centuries.

Please don't launch into a fake history lesson.

The Bro Code can trace its lineage all the way back to Broses himself.

lineage ˆę‘°

Article 1. bros before ho's.

Okay. I see what you're doing. You can't prove that I broke the Bro Code, so you're just making up stories about...

This sacred text was eventually brought to the New World in 1776 by none other than Christopher Brolumbus.

none other than ‘ź‚Č‚ç‚Ę

Article 62: a bro who calls dibs first has dibs. Oh? Dibs!

And that's why he got to bang Pocahontas.

Pocahontas was with John Smith.

Maybe according to the hotel register. Whatever Mrs.Brolumbus didn't know couldn't hurt her, am I right? Well, except maybe that New World syphilis. But I digress.

syphilis ”~“Ĺ digress –{‘č‚Š‚ç‚ť‚ę‚é

Barney, if you believe in the Bro Code, how come you've broken it so many times?

How dare you! I have never broken the Bro Code!

Hmm? Hmm? Ah. Article 104: the mom of a bro is always off limits.

Okay, look, we've all had a lot of fun joking about me banging your mom.

Not all of us. Continue.

But I swear nothing ever happened between the two of us. Trust me.

And what's going on with your fingers?

That's how our bodies were intertwined.

intertwine Œ‹‚т‚­

All right, this is ridiculous!

It's ridiculous that you won't admit holding Robin's hand was weird.

It wasn't weird!

Yes, it was. You know what? We need a third impartial bro to settle this.

impartial Œö•˝‚Č

To resolve this, I really need to parse the text of the Bro Code.

It's too bad Marshall doesn't have a copy.

Actually, I do. They were in the, uh, seat back pockets on my flight in place of the safety cards.

I'm also pleased to announce The Bro Code is now available in select airlines across the country. And Lufthansa. Der Bro Code is, like, huge in Germany.

Okay, so prove to me you can make a female friend. What about her?

Ugh! The girl with the bangs? Any chick who does that to her hair is going through a big life transition I don't want to hear about. Next time, grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. Ha-pass.

bangs Ř‚艺‚°‘O”Ż

Okay, well... what about her?

Ugh! Comfortable shoes? What, are you filibustering later? It's after 5:00. Put on some heels. Ha-pass.

filibuster ‹cŽ–is‚đ–WŠQ‚ˇ‚é

Okay, well, what about...?

Ugh!

I haven't even pointed to anyone yet!

Now, although not expressly stated in the Bro Code, a weird moment between a bro and his bro's fiancee is, in my bropinion... a violation.

expressly –žŠm‚É stated ’č‚ß‚ç‚ę‚˝

No!

Yes!

However, Ted was helping Robin as a friend. Therefore, holding her hand isn't necessarily a weird moment.

No!

Yes!

That being said...

What?

...if we decide that holding any friend's hand is weird, then, yes, Ted did break the Bro Code. So, the question is this. If Ted had gone to the park and held Barney's hand, would it have been weird?

No?

Yes?

See? It's not weird at all.

I don't know what to say.

Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Which one? I can't do both.

Slut alert.

That's my 14-year-old daughter.

Crappy mom alert. Ugh! It's you. Nice bangs.

What is wrong with you?!

I can't do this, okay? I was raised as a boy. I don't get along with women. Can we just drop it?

Okay, I never thought I'd take a page out of your fiance's playbook, but... it's time to target the crying chick.

take a page ŒŠK‚¤

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