ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"You want us to rig a casino game to trick one of our former high rollers?"

ƒgƒŠƒbƒN

ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzThe Bro Mitzvah

I just tore your mom away from a living version of a Nick Nolte mug shot and put her in a cab home. Thank you for abandoning me on what has been one of the worst nights of my life.

tear away ˆř‚Ť—ô‚­ mug shot ŠçŽĘ^

So, it's my usual fee, plus I always charge an extra hundred for girl-on-clown action.

What the hell is she doing here?

Robin, I swear, nothing happened.

That means just hand stuff.

You...!

Oh! No, no, stop, stop, stop!

Sorry, Barney, this... this-this is unforgivable. It's over.

You know... I never got to do that.

Ted? Robin. We're right on schedule.

Barney is suicidal.

I know, it's awesome!

Yep, kids, we had planned out every step of the night. It started three weeks earlier.

...and you will disappoint me. But make it great, okay?

Oh, it'll be great, all right! Okay, after two weeks of brainstorming, all I have on my list so far is Purell. Marshall, what do you got?

Well, nothing now. This is impossible! How do you make something memorable for a guy who makes every night the best night of his life?

Give him the worst night of his life. We'll give him the worst hotel room with the worst entertainment, the wrong Karate Kid, and the absolute last stripper he would want to see.

Hold on. You want me to pretend my life's gone to crap and I'm back to stripping just screw with my ex-fiance? I love it!

That party will be so terrible, he'll have to leave it. Then I'll instruct his arch-nemesis to say... I mean, what kind of loser has his bachelor party ten yards from A.C. and doesn't even gamble? Barney will take the envelope of cash I gave him and head straight into our trap.

Hold on.

You want us to rig a casino game to trick one of our former high rollers? I love it.

rig ‚Š‚ç‚Š‚¤

Well, then you get Barney to use one of these guys as collateral.

collateral ’S•Ű

He'll probably choose me.

What?

Well, I'd be worth more. Yeah. Perfect teeth.

Yeah, it's just, uh, just I'm way more athletic than you.

Yeah, this coming from the guy who's never beaten me at skee-ball. The only reason a mobster might choose you is because they'd be afraid I'd go all Marshall Unchained on them, which obviously isn't a risk with you.

Oh, you want to see some Ted Unchained, huh? I'll show you Ted Unchained!

Marshall, would you mind standing over there for good luck?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Meanwhile, I'll make sure he's abandoned me in my nightmare scenario.

Hold on. You want me to help you trick my own son? I love it. Barney deserves it. You know, he told me you were a virgin.

Ridiculous!

I know. You are a dirty ho-bag just like me. But he loves you so much. And so do I.

Wait, hold on. Is there any chance this is all too mean to Barney?

Just kidding.

Okay, we just need the finale.

Oh! The Chinese mobsters chop off my hand right in front of Barney! Yes, we're all equally enthused!

Okay, here's the plan. After I storm off...

Barney! Barney, hurry! Give them the money! Please, hurry!

Oh, no! The Chinese mobster is giving Marshall back and taking me hostage instead, because he says I'm obviously more valuable! Can you, can you unlock the door?

Barney, please!

They're gonna chop off my hand!

No, they're not! They said you're free, and I think we agreed that's not something mobsters would do.

Ted, come on! This is my thing!

Don't hurt him. I've got the money.

Too late!

Not my skee-ball hand!

No...!

No...!

Please, just don't shoot me in the face... or the crotch!

crotch ŒŇ

Surprise!

What's going on?

Well, we decided to give you everything you wanted for your bachelor party without you even realizing it.

Wait, so that's why you made me think Marshall might die? And I'd lost all that money and my friends hated me and my wedding was off? You just decided to-to check off everything on this list in the most twisted way imaginable? That is awesome!

And it was all planned by a girl.

Wow!

So, Lily... later on tonight, you want to, um...?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That was all just part of the act. Y-You knew that, right?

Yeah! Totally. We pulled it off, right? Platonic shake!

Everyone, everyone, thank you for an incredible bro mitzvah.

Mazel brov!

Mazel brov!

Mm, oh, you didn't really get everything on the list. N-No offense to Ralph Macchio, but he ain't the Karate Kid.

I couldn't agree with you more. You know, they almost didn't get me. But after 18 voice mails... I returned Robin's call. And she told me how you're one of the few people in the world who truly gets The Karate Kid movie. So when she asked if I'd help, well, my answer just had to be... Hai!

William Zabka!

‹A‚é

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