Great.So, I'll give you a call.
I hope you do.
Look at this.
I just got that girl's number.Check it out.Holly.
Nice.Girls whose names end in L-Y are always dirty.Holly, Kelly, Carly, Lily.
Hey. Yeah, I know it's true.
And don't even get me started on girls whose names should end in Y, but instead end in I.Those girls are like roller coasters.You got to wait in a long line, but once you get up there, you just hold on for dear life and hope you don't drop your keys.
hold on for dear life ギュッとしがみつく
You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna call her right now.I'm gonna do that whole, "Remember me? It's been so long".See, it's funny because I just saw her.
You can't call her.You have to wait 3 days to call a woman.That's the rule.
Barney, that rule is completely played out.Girls know exactly what you're doing.I got a new rule.It's kind of crazy, but I call it, you like her, you call her.
I'm sorry.Can you repeat that? I don't speak "I never get laid".
Barney, the 3 days rule is insane.I mean, who even came up with that?
Barney, don't do this.Not with Jesus.
Seriously.Jesus started the whole wait 3 days thing.He waited 3 days to come back to life.It was perfect.If he have only waited one day, people wouldn't have even heard that he died.They'd be all, "Jesus, what up?" And Jesus would probably be, like, "What up? I died yesterday".And then they'd be all, "You look pretty alive to me, dude".And then he would have to explain how he was resurrected and how it was a miracle.And then, the dude would be, like, "Okay, whatever you say, bro".
Ancient dialogue sounds so stilted now.
Ancient 古代の dialogue 対話 stilted 堅苦しい
And he's not going to come back on a Saturday.Everybody's busy doing chores.Working the loom, trimming their beards.No.He waits the exact right number of days Three.
chore 雑用 loom 機織り
OK, I promise, I'll wait three days.Just please stop talking.
Plus, it's Sunday, so everyone's in church already.They're all in there, "No, Jesus is dead".Then, bam! He bursts through the back door, runs up the aisle.Everyone's totally psyched.And, FYI, that's when he invented the high-five.Three days, Ted.We wait three days to call a woman because that's how long Jesus wants us to wait.True story.
Okay, fine.I promise.I won't call Holly for three days.
But I never said anything about texting.I started things off with something cute and charming.
"I was thinking about you, so I thought I'd send you a little texty text."
And the moment I hit "Send", I realized it wasn't cute at all.It was the lamest thing anyone has ever said to anyone.And the worst thing about texting is that once you send it you can never get it back.And then you wait.And just when you've decided never to text anyone again
"I've been thinking about you, too, "and how weird is it that you texted me while I was in the bath?"
What was that?
You made a noise.
That was my phone.I got a text.
Not that.You made your naked lady noise.
Whenever you see a naked lady, you make the noise.
I don't do that.
God, sorry, Lily.
While the men are out hunting, the women of New Guinea's indigenous Korowai tribe wash their clothes in the river.
indigenous 原住の tribe 部族
That's totally a boob.
Is that Holly who keeps texting you? Didn't you promise to wait three days?
To call, yes.Texting is totally different.
Okay, well, just try to keep the naked lady noises to a minimum.
I don't make a naked lady noise.
Holly and I stayed up texting until 2:00 in the morning.And we spent the whole next day texting each other, too.She seemed perfect.
Holly just told me what she's wearing right now.It is pretty hot.
Yeah, whatever it is, I can guarantee you she's not wearing it.She's lying to make you like her.
How do you know that?
Because no woman in the history of the world is ever "just sitting around reading architecture magazines in my old "cheerleader uniform."
Okay, maybe she's lying about the architecture magazines.No.This is bad.
She just sent me a text that was clearly meant for someone else.
"Baby, I picked up some take-out from Generro's.Be home soon." Okay, yes, this sounds bad, but let's think about this, okay? It could be for a brother or maybe her sick dad.
"And then I want you to do me on the couch." Okay, maybe not a sick dad.Or a very sick dad.Am I right? Sorry.
Hey, guys.God.What is this?
It's some take-out from Generro's.I'm bringing it home for Lily.
That's weird.Holly just texted Ted something about take-out from Generro's.Wait a second.You sons of bitches.
You're Holly.So Ted hasn't been texting Holly at all? He's been texting you two?
Look, we knew he'd try to call her before the three days, so I swiped his phone, and I changed her number to my work cell.
We were just gonna bust on him for calling her too soon, but then he started texting her.
bust on 殴る
Poor, sweet Ted.We should we should tell him it's us.
Yeah.Or we pretend we're Holly, and we're in the bath.
Yeah, that's better.
That was fun.We should tell him that it's us.
Yeah, we should.Or we tell him our favorite color is red, and we think the cowboy look is very sexy.
Yeah, that's better.
I'm wearing them right now, and they do look sexy.
He put on the boots!
He totally put on the boots! That was awesome! But it's time to tell him who he really put those boots on for.
Yeah.Or we just took off our shirt.
Yeah, that's better.
You think maybe we're wearing a black lace bra underneath?
I don't think we're wearing anything underneath.
God, we're hot.
Now he's only wearing the cowboy boots! It is on!
It is so on! Tell him that we're we're slowing slipping out of our What are we doing?
I think that we're about to have sex with Ted.
So, you did this to him all day? That's just mean.
No, it was it was actually for his own good.We're protecting him from himself.He really likes this girl.He had that look in his eye.
Yeah, that crazy "I'm about to move too fast and screw this up" look.
The same look he had on his first date with you.
We all remember how that went.