Okay, I just figured out where I know you from.I saw you perform at the Disorientation Theater in Bertolt Brecht's Die Heilige Johanna der Schlachth felast fall.You were a revelation!
Thanks.I wasn't sure.I mean, the point of Brecht's work, of course, is to Alienate the audience.
Sure.Sorry.Brecht-o-phile right here!
You really know your theater.
Lady Theater grabbed my heart early on and she never let go.Every year at Christmas, I'd put on a little play for the parents with all the other kids.
Gee whiz, Santa, do you think we can take off in this kind of snow?
Cut! Cut! Cut! Ricky! Grandma and Grandpa are gonna be here in half an hour, and you're still butchering my words.Looks like I'm gonna have to write, direct and star in this thing.Give me your elf hat.Go sit.
I always secretly wanted to be an actor.It's one of those life dreams that just slipped away, I guess.
Listen, if you want, I could give you some tips on acting.
I'd love to.Acting rule number one
At least someone's still excited about acting.I miss that.
So, you don't like playing Barney's son?
I hate it.But what can I do? The phone just ain't ringing.
I know what you mean.I'm a newscaster.But I just had to take a job hosting a local morning show that airs at 4:30 in the morning.I just thought I'd be so much further along by this point, you know? I'm almost 30.
Come on, you still look great.I love your nose job.
I never had a nose job.
I can't believe we haven't met you before.Who knew Barney had such a great mom?
Thanks, dear.Truth is, I wasn't always the best mother when I was younger.
Don't say that.I'm sure you were great.
Yeah, I was a bit of a whore.
A whore, dear.A dirty whore.I'm not proud of it.But still, I had some fun.There is no thrill equal to looking into some guy's eyes and thinking, "I don't know your name, you don't know mine, but "for the next eight minutes, "we are gonna rock this gas station bathroom "right off its foundation." And then just drive off in opposite directions.Just keep driving.
Anyway, that's, that's all in the past now.I did the best I could, but sometimes I wonder how Barney turned out to be so perfect.
You have to tell your mom the truth, okay? Listen, she is a sweet, caring, slightly too graphic woman who deserves better.
No way.The truth would kill her.
I don't feel right about lying to such a kindhearted woman, okay? She reminds me of my own mother.What?
Kindhearted? Remember in our wedding vows when I said we'd be together forever? On our way back up the aisle, your mother leaned in and she said, "Not forever, sweetie.Marshall's going to heaven.
She was making a joke.
She hates me, Marshall.But that's okay because Never mind.
What were you gonna say?
Nothing.Do you want to go do it in Barney's childhood bedroom again?
On the race car bed?
Handles great, buddy.Look, Lily, if today has taught us nothing else, it's that honesty is important when it comes to family.Now, whatever you're feeling towards my mother, we've been together for 12 years, baby.I think that I can handle it.
OK. I hate your mom.
Guess what? I hate you!
Two minute warning for meatloaf!
Meatloaf? Tyler no likey!
We have been over this a million times! You are not getting a catchphrase!
But it's funny.
I am not afraid to recast.Now go memorize your lines for the big dinner scene.
Wait.So you wrote the dinner we're about to have?
Just a short script.Just things that will make my mom happy to hear.
What kind of things?
And I really thought Barney had forgotten our anniversary.So I storm out to the backyard, and there's smoke coming out of my ears.
coming out of one's ears たっぷりとある
Nostrils flaring.Her nostrils flare when she gets mad.I love it.Doing it right now.Doing it right now!
Nostril 小鼻 flaring 広がっている
You better stop, mister!
Sorry, sorry, boo bear.Continue.This is what you're actually like in a relationship.
So I storm out to the backyard and candles everywhere and a string quartet.Can you believe that?
No, not even slightly.
What about my little Ty-Ty.What have you been up to?
Funny story: just the other night, this little rascal had a nightmare.When he came in to tell us what it was about, do you remember what you said, champ? Page four.
The dinosaur bones in the museum came to life and started chasing me?
come to life 生命を宿す
Thanks a lot, buddy.I didn't need to sleep tonight.
Tyler said, "My nightmare was "that you and Mommy didn't know how much I loved you."So I wanted to come in and tell you it was this much.
That's so sweet.
We're a sweet happy family.
OK. I'm gonna grab some ice cream from the freezer downstairs and then we'll all hit the sundae bar in the kitchen.
Not a weak link in that scene.Bravo.
weak link つけこむ
Back off, Barney.You have no idea how hard it is to do a job that's beneath you.I really enjoyed your thing about the dinosaur bones.
Can we please stop talking about the dinosaur bones?
Just go eat your sundae.
I can't.I'm lactose-intolerant.
Guess who's not lactose-intolerant? Tyler.Tyler is gonna go in there and enjoy every last bite.
Ice cream time, gang.
Tyler no likey.
You're not getting a catchphrase.
I don't understand.
Follow my lead.I've been betrayed by my best friend.How could you do this, Ted? Think about poor Tyler bravely trying to hold back tears.It's okay, son, you can cry.Cry!
I don't want my mommy and daddy to get divorced!
What could you possibly have to say for yourself?