Barney: Hi, sad-eyes. What's got you down?
Claudia: Stuart and I just broke up.
Barney: Oh, God, I'm so sorry. That's just, that's just... two vodka cranberries.
Claudia: You remembered I drink vodka cranberries.
Barney: Remember? When it comes to you, how could I forget?
Barney: They all drink vodka cranberries.
Barney: So, is there anything else you need, sweetie?
Claudia: You got $400,000?
Barney: No, but I do have a hug.
Barney: Thank you.
Ted: Stuart, I don't know what to say. If I caused this in any way...
in any way 多少なりとも
Stuart: Ted, for all I know you did me the biggest favor anyone's every done me.
for all I know たぶん
Marshall: Oh, come on, man, you don't mean that.
Stuart: Yeah, I do. This whole thing's made me realize, I miss being single. I miss staying out late and making messes and not cleaning them up. I miss owning porn.
Marshall: Dude, who doesn't.
Stuart: You know, I'll see some super-hot model chick and I'll think, "why am I with Claudia? I can be with her."
Ted: That's crazy. I mean, you're the luckiest...you and Claudia both...
Stuart: The point is, I wanna get married, I wanna settle down. But right now, that's just not who I am. I'm not a commitment guy, I'm a single guy.
Ted: Stuart, you don't have to be one or the other. Everybody feels this way sometimes. Relationships aren't easy, they're hard work. It's about compromise, growing together, all that Dr. Phil crap.
Stuart: How would you know, you're not even married?
Ted: OK, ask this guy. Nine years he's been with Lily. He's the pro. This guy knows relationships. Tell him, Marshall.
Marshall: Stuart, don't get married.
Marshall: I'm sorry. Being in a couple is hard and committing, making sacrifices, it's hard. But if it's the right person, then it's easy. Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life, that should be the easiest thing in the world. And if it's not like that, then she's not the one. I'm sorry.
Ted: You know I don't have $400,000, right?
Claudia: Maybe we got together too young. Maybe that's what the problem was. I mean, I'm 28 years old. I've really only been with one man.
Barney: That's just, that's... two more vodka cranberries please.
Barney: Claudia, it's all gonna be OK.
Claudia: Thanks for listening, Barney. Really means a lot to me.
It means a lot to me. すごくうれしいです
Barney: Isn't it weird that we should run into each other like this? Two souls of equal levels of attractiveness, both fitting together like two pieces of a very attractive puzzle.
run into each other ばったり出会う、鉢合わせする、ぶつかる
Lily: Oh, hell no.
Lily: Claudia is getting married tomorrow and so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her, I will take those peanuts you try to pass off as testicles and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out and then I'll feed them to you like grapes.
testicles 睾丸 squeeze 割り込む、無理に入る
Barney: Wait, my eyes or my testicles?
Lily: One of each.
Barney: All right, all right.
Claudia: Stuart. I'm so sorry.
Stuart: I'm so sorry too.
Claudia: I love you.
Stuart: I love you too, babe. Marshall and Ted set me straight, and when Marshall told me not to marry you, it made me realize...
set [put] someone straight を正す，改めさせる
Claudia: Marshall said what?
Stuart: He made me realize how much I love you. These guys got us back together.
Ted: So, where did we land on the whole 'plus one' thing?
Narator: It took three more vodka cranberries to subdue Claudia but eventually she graciously agreed to let me bring Robin.
subdue 鎮圧［制圧］する eventually 結局は graciously 寛大に、愛想よく
Ted: Still wow.
Robin: Wow yourself. Look who else brought it.
Ted: Oh yeah, I thought about leaving it at home, but I figured I don't wanna get there and realize I need it and have to go all the way back to get it, so, yeah, I brought it.
Robin: Hello. Oh my God, tonight? You're kidding.
Robin: They want me to anchor the news tonight.
Robin: Really? Like, anchor anchor? What happened to Sandy? OK, OK, sure, what time do you need me to...Right now! Oh.
Ted: Do it. Do it.
Robin: OK, I need like five minutes to change and um, I'll call you from the cab...
Marshall: So, admit it, this wedding is both indoors and amazing.
Lily: I'll give you the crab puffs. The crab puffs are good.
crab puffs クラブパフ
Marshall: Crab puffs were incredible.
Lily: We should totally have them at our wedding.
Marshall: Definitely. Hey, we just agreed on something.
Lily: Did we just start planning our wedding?
Marshall: I think we did.
Lily: We totally have to get that brown dipping sauce.
Marshall: Oh, I thought the red sauce was like aweome.
Lily: My God, were you born without taste buds?
Marshall: I love you.
Robin: Coming up, are there snakes living in your walls? The answer may surprise you, after the break.
Barney: Man, you know something, Stuart's my new hero. If that dude can bag a nine, I gotta be able to bag like a sixteen.
Ted: What's a sixteen?
Barney: Those two eight's right over there. Yeah.
Claudia: Hi Ted.
Claudia: We just wanted to get a picture with the woman who almost ended our relationship.
Stuart: Yeah, where is she?
Ted: Um She couldn't make it.
Ted: What's so funny?
Claudia: Plan a wedding, you'll see.
Ted: Look at that. That's how it's supposed to be, that, right there. Easy. Simple. It's just not like that with Robin. It's not easy, and on some level, it has to just be easy.
Barney: Speaking of easy, bridesmaids, Ted. Bridesmaids.
Claudia: By the way, I almost forgot. We found this.
Ted: I didn't check 'plus one'. You were right.
Barney: Of course I was right.
Ted: I'm single. Maybe that's just who I am. And you know what? I like being single.
Barney: Being single's the best.
Ted: Stay out as late as you want.
Barney: Answer to no one.
Ted: The whole world full of endless possibilities.
Barney: Never having to go to a farmer's market.
Barney: OK, ah, doing some math here. Table six has got three bridesmaids, an eight, an eight and a seven. I am willing to give you one of the eight's, lowering myself to a fifteen, which means you owe me...
Narator: So there we were, two single guys doing our usual single guy thing. For whatever reason, I had let myself believe that this night would be a turning point, that this was the night that my life, my real life, would finally begin. Funny thing is, I wasn't totally wrong.
Narator: 'Cause that night was just beginning.