Lily: Ah, the age-old question after you break up with someone, what do you do with the stuff?
the age-old question 昔ながらの質問
Robin: Question? Ain't no question, girl. Obviously, he's got to get rid of it.
Ted: Which is obviously crazy and obviously, I'm not gonna do it.
Robin: So we agreed that we would let you guys decide.
Ted: Yeah, like we did with Marshall's pants.
Barney: Ah, the 2005 landmark case of Lily v.s. The Joey Buttafuoco Pants.
Marshall: Nice, right?
Robin: I'm gonna have to say no. I don't want some 16-year-old girl falling in love with you and then shooting Lily in the face.
Barney: I vote they can stay. "Check out the jackass in the parachute pants" is a good icebreaker.
parachute パラシュート icebreaker 緊張をほぐすもの
Marshall: Ted. Ted? Ted?
Ted: Sorry, buddy, it's a "no" for me, too. Oh, and by the way, Bell Biv Devoe called. Even they don't want those pants back.
Marshall: They were insanely comfortable! They were like pajamas you could wear outside.
Barney: Marshall, it's over. We even gave you an appeal and they didn't look any better with combat boots.
Lily: All right, well, let's hear the arguments. Ted, you go first.
argument 口論 根拠
Ted: Okay. The fact that I still have things from ex-girlfriends is no big deal. I mean, when I see the phone booth on the piano, I don't think of Jeannie Radford, I think of the good times I had backpacking through Europe. And when I see the lamp, I don't think of Allison Moses. I remember when I was broke, just out of college, and I really needed a lamp. And when I see that throw pillow, I don't think of Lauren Stein. I think of that weird orange-brown stain and how it got there.
throw pillow 小さいクッション
Marshall: Creamsicle and turkey gravy, not at the same time.
Robin: Well, that's adorable, but from now on, when I walk into the apartment, here is what I will see. The phone booth turns into Ted's ex-girlfriend.
from now on これからずっと
Ex-girlfriend 1: I'm Ted's college girlfriend. He made me 12 mix tapes. How many has he made you?
Ex-girlfriend 2: He calls you "sweetie pie"? He called me "sweetie pie."
Ex-girlfriend 3: I'm stupid, but my rack is bigger than yours.
Ted: Really? You can't look at a pillow without seeing my ex-girlfriend-- a pillow!
Robin: Yes, Ted, the fact that you still have that pillow is creepy and gross.
Ted: You're creepy and gross.
Robin: Your mom's creepy and gross.
Lily: Order! Order! I got to side with Robin. She's your girlfriend, and if the stuff upsets her, you got to get rid of it.
Marshall: I've got to side with Ted. Just 'cause you still have something an ex girlfriend gave you doesn't mean you're holding onto her.
Ted: All right, Barney. It all comes down to you.
Barney: I side with Robin.
Barney: Ted, your place is too cluttered. It's like you're living in a Bennigan's.
Robin: Or a Danby's. What, they don't have Danby's in the US? Really? Well, then were do you get Grizzly Paw ice cream sandwiches?
Ted: Just stop, sweetie.
Narator: So I had no choice. I packed up everything I had gotten from ex-girlfriends. It was painful, but not as painful as what I had to endure later that night. New York is famous for its theater, but there's many different levels. There's Broadway, off-Broadway, off-off-Broadway, homeless people screaming in the park, and then below that, the play Aunt Lily was in.
Robin: Eight flights, of stairs. Who puts a theater up eight flights of stairs? What kind of building is this?
Barney: From the smell of it, I'm guessing a urine factory.
Ted: Where do you guys want to sit?
Barney: I know where I don't want to sit.
Marshall: Guys, four together!
Barney: I brought a bag in case anyone needs to puke.
Robin: Come on. It's not gonna be that bad.
Barney: No? Okay.
Man 1: I... am... Rage!
Woman: I... am Greed.
Lily: I am Rage... Envy!
Barney: I am outta here.
Marshall: No, you're not. You have to stay.
Lily: This is the face of Consumerism!
Marshall: Oh, my God.
Man 2: Hello, Greed, Rage...Envy... and Consumerism. I... am your father... America!
Marshall: Oh, baby, that was wonderful!
Ted: Totally, I had no idea Greed was the killer.
Robin: And when it became a play within a play, I was, like, "Now we are really cookin'!"
Barney: Wow, Lily, that sucked!
Barney: What? It was terrible. I mean, come on. You guys agree, right? Hey, sorry, I'm just being honest 'cause, you know, we're friends.
Lily: No, friends make each other feel good. They build each other up and support them. That's what being a good friend is about.
Barney: Yeah, if you're a Smurf.
Lily: You know if you did a play, I would sit through the whole thing and I would compliment you on it afterwards.
Barney: Oh, really? You would?
Barney: Bad move, Aldrin, bad move.
Man: We'll be starting our Q&A with the director-- yours truly-- in five minutes right here.
Robin: Can you believe Barney said that about Lily's play?
Ted: I know. He can be really insensitive.
Robin: It was pretty bad, though.
Ted: Oh, my God, it was so bad.
Robin: Oh, my God, you've been robbed!
Robin: All that stuff was from old girlfriends? Don't you buy anything for yourself?
Ted: What can I say? Papa gets swag.
Narator: And that should've been the end of it. But the next day...
Ted: You know, at first I was really bummed about getting rid of all my stuff. But seeing how happy it makes you - totally worth it.
Robin: Mm, that's kind of how I feel when I begrudgingly have sex with you when I'm really tired.
Ted: Exactly. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team. Well, sit. Sit, yeah. So you never keep anything your ex-boyfriends gave you?
Robin: Nope. Well, except for my dogs.
Ted: So I had to get rid of everything from my past relationships because you don't keep things from your past relationships except, uh, where are your five dogs from? Oh, that's right your past relationships.
Robin: What's your point, Ted?
Ted: Well, you know how you said you come over to my apartment, and all you can see are my ex-girlfriends?
Robin: What, so when you look at my dogs, all you see is my ex-boyfriends?
Ted: I do now.
Robin: That's ridiculous.
Ted: I thought you said you got rid of everything your ex-boyfriends gave you. Well, yeah, but not my dogs.
Ted: You said everything.
Robin: But not living things.
Ted: Well, tell that to the rare Bolivian cactus I threw away.
Robin: Things with a heartbeat can stay.
Ted: Enjoying this?
Robin: Pickles, go get your ball. Go get your ball.
Ted: Just admit it. It was a little hypocritical of you to make me get rid of all my stuff.
Robin: Well, what do you want me to do, Ted? Get rid of my dogs?
Man: Guess what position we did it in.
Ted: Yes. Yes, I want you to get rid of your dogs.
Robin: Um, no.
Ted: Really? Well, I say we take it to the group, but I don't like your chances.