ハイライトは"Get your mind out of the gutter"

I'm sorry, did... did I hear you guys talking about The Wedding Bride?

Oh, God.

The movie or the... smash Broadway musical?

smash 大ヒット

Smash? Oh, oh, oh, I-I guess a show's a smash now if it closes after only 96 weeks.

So my husband's ex-fiance's husband wrote the screenplay for The Wedding Bride. Jed Mosley was based on Ted.

Okay, Jed was not based on me...

Hey! That is not a toy, you ragamuffin. That is an authentic flail I won at the Renaissance fair. ...

ragamuffin いたずら小僧 authentic 正真正銘の

Entirely. But, regardless, there's... there's still some lingering pain there and... Well, as you can imagine, my friends promised me that they'd never watch it.

lingering 延々と続く

Wow. Those are some good friends.

Oh, they're the best.

Oh, oh, whoa! My wiener!

I can't believe Jed made us promise not to watch this.

Wait, you mean Ted.

Whatever.

Same guy.

See, I would have expected you to have an extra-special suit tailor-made just for this occasion.

Oh, I did. I had my boy Timmy G make the perfect wedding suit. You ever heard of bespoke? This suit was be-freaking-screamed. But then I tried it on this morning and it was uncomfortable and itchy and completely wrong. It was like a suit made for someone with terrible posture, no taste and limited funds. Here, you take it. The only question is, which of these other suits do I pick? There are so many great ones to choose from.

Uh, how about this one?

Yes. Yes, that's the one. Oh, hey,is it weird to get married in a suit that you may have worn while banging a female rodeo clown? I know what you're wondering. Yes, the carpet matched the drapes.

Of course that's weird. Every part of that is weird. Mm. Uh, what about this suit?

Huh? Let's just say I stuffed a lot of bunnies in that suit.

Ugh, Barney, do you have to phrase it that way?

Actual bunnies, Ted. This is my magic suit. Get your mind out of the gutter. Though, I did once wear it to the Playboy holiday party and, uh... Let's just say I stuffed a lot of Bunnies in that suit.

Get your mind out of the gutter そればっかだな

Uh... How about this one?

Oh, man, I went crazy on an escort in that one.

Barney, come on.

A Ford Escort, Ted, I did it on a car. With a woman who I then may or may not have paid. Yeah, that one's out, too.

Okay, so your wedding's in a few hours. Kind of strange to spend those hours watching a terrible movie, right?

Terrible? Lily, this movie is a revelation. I can't believe that Ted wouldn't let us see it.

revelation 貴重な体験

Yeah. Why was he hanging so much beef on this movie? Just 'cause there's a character based on him?

beef 不平

Of course. I'll make all weddings illegal. Then Stella can never be a wedding bride. Ooh, No-can-I-do's-ville, baby doll.

It's like, Relax, Ted, it's no big deal. You should be flattered.

And now to celebrate with that piece of chocolate cake I've been saving. What?!Who ate my cake?!

Uh, what cake?

Narshall!

Narshall? Narshall. How dare they? That is insulting and ridiculous and I am nothing like that character. I'm gonna sue everyone involved with this film.

So, you're-you're gonna sue them on the grounds that nothing like that cake thing has ever happened?

If Ted didn't want me to eat that cake, he should have put a note on it.

Oh, hi, Grandma.

Robin, sweetheart.

I wanted you to have this. It's me and your grandpa on our wedding day.

Aw, that's so sweet.

See my bouquet? Those wildflowers... they were supposed to be hydrangeas, but there was a mix-up at the florist's. I was so upset.Your grandpa went behind the church and picked those wildflowers for me. And now he's buried...

Behind the very same church, surrounded by the very same wildflowers. Okay, Grandma, watching a movie. Got to go. Every single holiday, that same dumb story. Sorry, Grandma, not as touching as you think it is.

At the very same church.

Now, I want to see if Jed can get his wiener unstuck from that thermos.

No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.

Uh, I'm sorry. Did you just turn off the bride's TV on her wedding day?

Oh! Oh! Is this your wedding day? I'm sorry. I couldn't tell because you're acting like it's any other Sunday morning, and it's not.

Lily, if you're waiting for me to suddenly turn into th-th-the Wedding Bride, you just give up. That's just not me.

Fine. Maybe we should all just act like this wedding's no big deal. Maybe I don't even feel like wearing my bridesmaid's dress.

Great. It-It's just a wedding. Who cares what people wear?

Say yes to the suit!

I can't! I can't.

Great.

Because I actually brought a different dress that I'd like to wear.

Fine.

Oh, no.

Maybe I'll go put it on right now.

Go right ahead.

What?

I'm so sorry.

What, why?

I know this story, too.

Really?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Robin and Lily get in a big fight and then, a few minutes later, there's a knock at the door.

Hello.

I've told you this one before.

A few times.

I'm just... a boring old man who won't stop spinning yarns.

Oh, hey. I love your yarns. I hope you never stop spinning them.

But...

You're the love of my life, Pooh Bear. I just worry about you. I don't want you to be the guy who lives in his stories. Life only moves forward.

So what happens next? With Lily and the wedding dress, I mean.

Well... she brought the dress so that she and Marshall could get new wedding photos taken. Because in yet another story that I know...

No!

What kind of space would I have in my brain for other things if I didn't know all this? Eh, probably just state birds or some crap. So, uh, Lily wanted to borrow Robin's photographer.