Barney: I cannot stop staring at that girl's face.
Ted: Face. Huh. That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet.
Barney: No, Ted, I'm really looking at her face.
Lily: Aw... That's actually really sweet.
Barney: Puffy cheeks, smudged mascara, slightly red nose... That girl was just crying. She's so sad and defenseless. Anyone have a condom?
puffy むくんだ smudge 汚れ
Everyone: Oh! Oh, God! No, no, no!
Lily: That's it! You know what? Five-minute time-out! Corner booth! Now.
Marsall: Hey, get this. You know my friend Max from law school? He's at Gregor's Steakhouse downtown, and Woody Allen is sitting two tables over. He wants us to come check it out.
Robin: I don't know, it could be cool. I've never seen Woody Allen.
Marsall: What?! Robin, how can you be a New Yorker and never have seen Woody Allen?
Robin: I have seen plenty of other famous people. Last week I saw... Maury Povich.
Narator: Kids, you know talk show host Maury Povich. It was uncanny how often we saw this guy.
Lily: Dude, everyone sees Maury Povich.
Marsall: Maury Povich is everywhere. I'm sorry, Robin, but you're not a real New Yorker until you've seen Woody Allen.
Robin: I am, too, a real New Yorker.
Ted: That's adorable. You're from Canada.
Robin: I have been here for almost six years. It's not like I just got off a boat.
Lily: A boat! Oh, wait, that is how you say it.
Ted: I'd say you're not a real New Yorker until you've stolen a cab from someone who needs it more than you do.
Lily: No, you're not a real New Yorker till you've cried on the subway and not given a damn what anyone thinks.
Marshall: No, you're not a real New Yorker until you've killed a cockroach with your bare hands.
Robin: Those rules are all stupid, okay? I've never done any of those things.
Narator: By the end of this day, Robin would have done all of those things.
Barney: Okay, time's up. What are we talking about?
Marshall: Woody Allen is eating at Gregor's, and Robin thinks that we should go see him.
Barney: Why would I do that? I'll see him at poker on Tuesday.
Robin: Oh, come on, if we jump in a cab, we'll be there in 15 minutes.
Lily: A real New Yorker would know the subway's faster. You just take the one, and transfer to the two-three.
Ted: Well, the bus runs more often on weekends. Take the M-7 to the M-5.
Barney: The bus? Every time I take the bus, there is one crazy person no one wants to sit near. That's why I have never taken the bus.
Marshall: Plus... I can run faster than a bus.
Ted: Dude, that's, like, seven miles. You can't do that. You can't beat the bus!
Marshall: I can beat a bus or a cab or a train!
Robin: Is anyone else suddenly craving green eggs and ham?
Marshall: Machines are overrated, and someone needs to take them down a peg.
take someone down a peg 鼻をへし折る
Barney: You're all wrong... I got a way to get there so fast, I could beat all of you, even if I sat down and ordered a big, juicy steak first.
Barney: Medium rare. But that's not important right now.
Robin: Look, I know the city better than any of you guys, okay?
Lily: Oh, my God!
Barney: Oh, wow!
Ted: All right, all right, hold on, hold on! Let's just forget about it. Who cares? I mean, there's no way to find out who's right anyway.
Marshall: First person there wins!
Lily: Doesn't matter how you get there!
Barney: Stay sad! I'll be back!
Barney: Hi. Can I see a menu, please? No rush.
Narator: Kids, I should tell you, Lily really needed a win that day. When Marshall and Lily decided to have a baby, they assumed it would happen right away.
Marshall: It's gonna be positive. Eriksen man are hella fertile. When Uncle Morris was 16, he got his girlfriend pregnant just by holding her hand too tight in the backseat of a car. Now I'm thinking my parents lied to me.
hella とても fertile 繁殖力がある
Narator: As the weeks went by, Marshall's confidence never wavered. Then it started to mess with Lily's head.
Marshall: Negative? Well, we know it's not me.
Lily: Everything's fine. These things take time.
Marshall: Not with an Eriksen. Something must be wrong with you. Also, my mom hates you.
Lily: You know what? Just to make sure, I'm gonna pee on this again.
Marshall: What? No, you wouldn't. Somebody help me! Somebody help me!
Narator: Lily was so fed up with not getting anywhere, maybe winning this race was just what she needed.
fed up with うんざりする
Marshall: I'll show them. My body can outrun any motorized vehicle. I'm like John Henry when he beat the steam engine. All I need is a great folk song. Gather round, ye children to hear the tale so sweet of a man who dared to race machines with nothing but his feet Suck it, grand-butt! Marshall versus the machines
Robin: Ooh, taxi!
Man: Excuse me, I got a thing.
Speaker: Maury... Maury...
Lily: Track maintenance? 20-minute delay?
Man: How do you do that?
Lily: I grew up here, I speak conductor. Damn it! Damn it!
Narator: Kids, I also needed a win that day. A couple nights earlier, your Uncle Marshall had offhandedly mentioned a web site called...
Marshall: It's this awesome site where students can go say what they really think about their professors. Hey, you're probably on there.
Narator: I just had to see what my students had written about me. And it was... Majestic. Until... Now, kids, I knew I was a good Professor. That's why I didn't let it bother me. I had nothing to prove. Absolutely nothing.
Ted: Here's a fun fact. See the Alberta Building over there?
Man: Oh. The brown one or the gray one?
Ted: That's the gray one. Did you know that in 18...
Barney: Hey! Come on! Elizabeth!
Waiter: Somebody call an ambulance!