Lily: Just tell me who you slept with!
Robin: Lily, I don't want to get into it, okay?
Lily: Aha, it's someone we know. If it was some ding dong we didn't know, you'd just give me his name.
Robin: Fine. It's Bill Pepper.
Lily: Bill Pepper? Kind of a coincidence there happens to be a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin? It's someone we know! Ted's class
Ted: So, I'm assuming you all read the chapters on the Greek Revival architecture. Any questions?
Zoey: Yes. How do you sleep at night?
Ted: What are you doing here?
Zoey: It was recently made clear to me that I don't know the first thing about architecture, so here I am.
Ted: Very well, then, let's get started. Some examples of Greek Revival architecture...
Zoey: Ooh! Ooh! Is The Arcadian Greek Revival?
Student: What's The Arcadian?
Zoey: Oh, it's just this beautiful, old building that Professor Mosby wants to tear down.
Student: What?! No, Professor Mosby loves old buildings. He wouldn't do that. Right, Ted?
Ted: Getting back to Greek Revival...
Ted: I lost them.
Lily: Look, you're new at teaching. In my kindergarten class, I have had plenty of trouble some students. Like Johnny Marley...
Lily: Johnny? Johnny!
Lily: He and that little stuffed horsey raised all kinds of hell. But I have a simple method for shutting down troublemakers. You know that '98 Taurus that's always parked outside? The one with the really annoying alarm?
Ted: We're familiar with it.
Lily: Well, when a kid like Johnny acts up in my class...
Lily: Shuts them right up.
Ted: Lily, my students are adults, and I treat them that way. I'll just give them more candy and make them a mix CD. Problem solved.
Lily: Oh, baby, what's wrong?
Marshall: Something bad happened.
Marshall: Randy, hey, have you seen the...
Randy: Before you get to that, regarding the earlier project I was working on... Voila!
Marshall: That's the Hermanson contract?
Randy: The Hermanson contract? Oh, man, this is the Filbert contract. Damn it! No... Anyway, what's your thing?
Marshall: I need the Filbert contract!
Randy: Well, I'll do what I can. But in my experience, twice shredded is fairly permanent.
Marshall: Sorry, Randy, but... this just isn't working out.
Barney: Marshall popped his cherry! Oh! Come on, Marshall, you have to admit, the guy was a disaster. I mean, it reflected badly on the company. He was an embarrassment. A huge embarrassment.
Lily: You slept with Randy!
Lily: Why, it's elementary, my dear Scherbatson.
Lily: Your co-host is getting super-popular because of her stupid commercial, "Boats! Boats! Boats!" So, when you arrived at the GNB party after we left, you were feeling vulnerable and drunk. Then, from across the not-so-crowded conference room, your eyes met. And as we all remember... Randy has a unique condition.
Robin: Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet.
Randy: Oh, God, this happens every time I get an erection. I am so sorry.
Robin: That's...exactly what happened.
Barney: See, Marshall, if getting fired is an execution, at least the guy had a last meal. I promise you, tomorrow you'll feel a lot better.
Marshall: Randy, hey, what's going on?
Randy: I just wanted to say no hard feelings.
Marshall: Thank you. So where you headed now?
Lily: It's okay, baby.
Narator: It wasn't okay. So the next morning...
Marshall: Arthur, I'm here because I made a mistake. I fired Randy yesterday.
Arthur: That was a mistake. You should have fired him a year ago.
Marshall: No, sir, that is what's wrong with this company. How can we say "GNB Cares," and then turn around and treat someone like that? I mean, sure, he made a few mistakes but everybody makes mistakes. Like, like Tugboat here. Aw. I bet you he's made some mistakes. And you didn't fire Tugboat, did you?
Arthur: No, I got him fixed, and he calmed down.
Marshall: Exactly-- kind of. Randy doesn't need to be fired. He needs to be fixed.
Arthur: Marshall, we do some pretty bad things around here, but I...
Marshall: No, sir, I'm saying instead of getting rid of someone when they screw up, we should... we should help them. We should nurture them.
Arthur: I changed the ice pack on his crotch every hour for three days. Wow, Eriksen, if you want to un-fire Randy, I support you, because to come in here and say what you just said, well, you've got a couple things that Tugboat doesn't.
Ted: Guys, Prof Rock is a really good mix, okay?
Student: A piece of New York history is being torn down, and all you could say was "Boo freakin' hoo"?
Ted: Boo... freakin'...
Zoey: I may have mentioned our conversation over a session of hacky sack.
Ted: The one day I miss the sack circle, you guys sub her in?
Student: Why'd you miss? Too busy tearing down the Statue of Liberty?
Ted: No. I was returning a hot dog costume that you all enjoyed.
Narator: They were all turning against me, so I figured, what the hell.
Lily: And did it work?
Ted: Like gangbusters. We're buddies again. After class, we hacked a little sack to the thumpin' strains of my Prof Rock CD. And no, none of them had heard the Pixies B-side. Actually, none of them had heard of the Pixies. Or a B-side.