ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Move past it, guys.I've been a little bit loose, but money never changed hands."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“5yŒ´‘čzHooked

Kids, in many of my stories, I'm a starry-eyed romantic on a noble search for true love.In this one, I'm just a jerk.

starry-eyed –˛‘z“I‚Č

Well, guys, tonight is the night.I'm inviting Tiffany up to my place to see my antique camera collection.

It's Ted's bait.

Bait?

A true gentleman invents a pretense to lure an honorable lady into his apartment, some item of interest or beauty you can both pretend to admire for five minutes before she hops on your disco stick.

pretense ŒŠ‚Ś‚Š‚Ż‚Ě

Right.She's coming up to borrow a book, or check out an album on vinyl.

Or to see your new rap poster.

Rap poster? Who would that work on?

It was the first week of college.I was really into Wu-Tang Clan.

Yeah, bait is tricky.It has to be something interesting enough to get the girl upstairs, but not so interesting that it overpowers the night.I found that a slot machine was too fun.And a trampoline turned out to be too dangerous.But then I found the perfect bait.

A teacup pig.

Oh A teacup pig? Who's that working on?

You have a teacup pig?

You have a teacup pig?

Can we see the teacup pig?

Can I borrow your teacup pig?

Yes, you can borrow my teacup pig.

You have a teacup pig? Oh, my gosh, I can't believe you have a teacup pig.You're just so cute.Yes, you are the cutest piggy ever.What?

Were you always this pretty? Or are you gonna give me that whole Oh, in high school, I was really shy and awkward line?

I was shy and awkward.I was like 100 pounds heavier and I had these crazy buck teeth.

Seriously?

No.I've always been hot.What are you gonna do? Do you know who else would love this teacup pig?

Hmm.

My boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?

I know.So annoying, right? I mean, he's not really my boyfriend.

Oh, good.

I mean, technically, he kind of is.

Well, is he or isn't he?

Some of both, but definitely not neither.

Are you getting any of this?

Look, I really like you.I just need you to be patient.I don't want to lose you, big brown eyes.

Yep.Somebody doesn't want to lose big brown eyes.

Oh, Ted.She's got you on the hook.

What? What? I'm not on the hook.

Oh, you are totally on the hook.

She's stringing you along, but she's not committing to you, but she's keeping you around, just in case, like an old can of chili in the pantry.

Um Who's buying canned chili and not eating it immediately?

Amen, sister.

But, Ted, don't feel bad.We've all been there.I've been on both sides of it.I've been a hookee and a hooker.Move past it, guys.I've been a little bit loose, but money never changed hands.

on both sides of —ź•ű‚Ě—§ę move past •ˇ‚Ť—Ź‚ˇ money never changed hands ‚¨‹ŕ‚Ě‚â‚čŽć‚č‚Í–ł‚˘

I've been on the hook.Lisa Walker.Picture it.

So, I was, like, thinking, Lisa, do you maybe want to, like, go out with me?

That sounds great.But I'm sort of seeing this guy.He's got a LeBaron convertible and an in at the roller rink, so I'd hate to burn that bridge.

I understand.

But how about this? You can be my secret boyfriend who does all my homework for me.

All right.You want to see my rap poster?

Poster whore!

Anyway, Lisa Walker strung me along for months until, one night, I went to go tell her how much I loved her, In song.

string someone along ‚ž‚Ü‚ˇ

She wasn't home yet, so I waited.And waited.I woke up four hours later covered in snow, and that's when I saw it, Lisa 's footsteps.She had walked right over me and into the house.

It was the best thing that could've happened.It got me off her hook.

Okay, that is definitely not what's going on with me and Tiffany.Listen to this.

I'm really into you.I just can't be with you right now.

Eh? Eh?

Ted, right now is the classic on-the-hook catchphrase.

Yep.Right now paints a picture of some sort of magical future time when everything will work out.But the truth is that will never happen.

It's like this, I can't be with you. Boom! Right now.

Yeah, I think my high school boyfriend, Scooter, is still sort of on the hook for me.

Sort of? He totally is.The poor guy showed up at our wedding hoping to win you back.

Yeah.It's still sometimes weird when I see him at work.

Wait, what?

Scooter works in the school cafeteria.We've talked about this.

Hey, Lily.Nice dress.Tater Tots? I love you.

We most certainly have not talked about this!

Yes, we have.I've mentioned it tons of times.Lunch lady Scooter.

I thought that you were referring to some sort of long overdue device that carries around those poor, underappreciated lunch ladies.

This explains a lot.

Lunch lady Scooter was there again today.

Yeah, did you jump on that thing? Give it a ride?

No!

Really? If it were me, I'd be riding that scooter all day long until I broke that thing in half.

So those poor women still have to walk everywhere? Wait, Scooter is working at your school?

Are you jealous?

No, I just feel bad for Scooter.'Cause the only reason he took that job is he thinks he has a shot with you.You have to make it clear that he doesn't so that he can move on, and a real lunch lady can get her job back.Damn!

have a shot ŽŔŒť‚ˇ‚é

I've tried.

Hey, Lily.I saw you have seventh period free.So do I.You want to run away together?

Let me be clear, Scooter, there's no way you and I can ever be together.Right now.

I'll see you tomorrow, Lily.

It's Tijuana Tuesday.

Right now? You right nowed Scooter? You need to let Scooter off the hook once and for all.

You're right.Day after tomorrow, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

Why not tomorrow?

Baby, I can't ruin Tijuana Tuesday.

Jerk

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