ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Ready to bone."

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ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzRing Up!

Oh, good, you're awake.Look, Ted, there's something we have to talk about.

Boundaries? Invasion of privacy?Losing your key privileges?

It's about the 20-year-old, Ted.You have to bang her.For me!

Why do you want me to hook up with this 20-year-old? I thought I disgusted you.

Yeah, that was all an act.Look, look, look, I love Robin and she's the only girl I want to be with.But my body is detoxing after years of one-night stands.They don't make gum or a patch for this, Ted.But, hey, billion-dollar idea alert.

Oh, yeah.That's okay.I'll just buy a new dream journal.What-what-what are you looking for?

Your phone.There's got to be some pictures of her in here.Damn it.No.Those are all worthless.I need some one-night-stand material, Ted.Oh.Oh.Here's your mom.Hello, Virginia.

Um, my mother is not one-night-stand material.

Yeah, you're right.It wasn't night and we weren't standing.Hey-oh!

That didn't happen.

You're right.It didn't.

You just winked.

No, I didn't.

You just did it again!

Look, bottom line: I need you to proxy bang this girl for me.Be my stand-in and put your gland in.Hey, wow, that'd be good on a hat.

Barney, she's just using me for my gracefully aging body.

You're picking now to get some self-respect? You once banged a blind girl by pretending to be Sean Connery.

That was you.

Yeah, that conquest was most enjoyable.

conquest Ş•ž

I'm sorry.T-To hook up with a girl, I have to connect with her at least a little.

Then find a connection.Just go simple.Nothing about weird poets or buildings or any of those stupid articles you've ever e-mailed me with the subject line Food for thought.Please, Ted.I need this.

Fine.You win.I'll bang a hot 20-year-old.But I'm not gonna enjoy Oh, who am I kidding? It's gonna be awesome.Now, turn off the lights and go.Not all the way!

Hello.Yeah, three Okay, normally New York is the friendliest, most affordable city in the world.Now it's as rude and expensive as San Francisco.Guys?

Oh, hey, that's life once you're engaged.

Oh, tell her, baby.Make it hurt.I'll be at the booth.My panties may or may not be on when you get there.They won't be!

Okay, what is going on with you guys?

It's the cuff.It turns out that picturing me as a loser musician with a Vicodin addiction and a beat-up van I use to steal copper wire really turns Lily's crank.Who knew?

Whoa, what-what happened to your wrist?

Oh.It's an allergic reaction.

So take it off.

Robin, once you have a child, anything that gets you even remotely close to the possibility of sex is worth a few pus-filled blisters.Better the sores weep than I.

Hey, hold on.That slut just got here.How'd she get beer already?

Do you see a ring on that finger?

Whoa.Whoa, whoa, whoa.Are you saying that this invisibility thing means I might not be able to get beer? I was just getting used to the idea of having to pay for coffee and bagels and rent.

Rent?

But not being able to get a beer? Unacceptable.Excuse me.Hot girl coming through.Huh.Three beers, please. Damn it, ring!

Oh, yeah, baby.Later you should totally go out and buy a switchblade.

Mm.Sure.While I'm out, maybe Daddy picks up some diapers and a little mild salsa because we're low.

Well, you're right-- I'm invisible.

That night, the only person in worse shape than Robin was her fiance.

Ted, I'm desperate.Earlier today, I saw that wrist cuff and I got a partial for Marshall.Did you bang that girl yet?

Don't get your hopes, or anything else, up.I tried to connect with her, but everything just comes back to her weird fetish about how old I am.

Well, j-just go simple-- does she like TV?

No.But I'll watch 60 Minutes with you as loud and as long as you want.

Sports?

No.But I bet you look super hot playing shuffleboard, just slathered in Bengay.

Well, does she like books?

No.But I bet you do.I bet you have a big, thick pair of bifocals.

pair of bifocals ‰“‹ß—ź—pƒƒKƒl

She doesn't have daddy issues, she has granddaddy issues.I'm ending it.

Ted, I beg of you, don't quit on a body that won't quit.Ooh, ooh, that'll go sweet on a bumper sticker.That's going in the journal.

Wait, did you steal my dream journal?

No! Now, get back in there before all your teeth fall out and you're naked in front of Shaker Heights High School in a play you never rehearsed for.

Bastard! We don't connect on a single thing.It's over.

It's not

Look, Carly, I got to tell you something.I just, I don't see a future here.

Oh, my God.Are you dying? Oh, that is so hot.

Hey is that R2-D2? Do you like Star Wars?

I love Star Wars.

Me, too!

I mean, I've only seen the new ones.

Close enough.

So?

Yeah.

I knew it! I could feel it.It's almost like we were hooking up with her together.You felt that, right?

I couldn't have performed if I did.

Don't you see, Ted? We had a bro-nnection.All right, I got to know what she looks like-- show me a picture.

Well, normally, I'm above such things, but it's been a while, and, uh, Teddy's braggin'.Okay, here she is.

Okay.Scrolling up.

Oh, yeah, those are plow me heels.Nice.

plow Žć‚čŠ|‚Š‚é

Uh-huh.

The knee bruise is encouraging.Working our way up to those 20-year-old ta-tas.Oh gravity's cruel grasp hasn't found you yet, my sweet perky miracles.Now, let's get a gander at Dirty Girl's face.

bruise ‚ ‚´ ta-tas ‚¨‚Á‚Ď‚˘

Her face says, Ready to bone, am I right? I say again, am I right?

That's my half sister.

Then you probably shouldn't scroll to the next picture.

No! That's my sister, Ted!

Well, look, I didn't know! None of us even knew you had a sister until two years ago, including you! This is just some crazy coincidence.

There are four million women in the city of New York, Ted, and you sleep with my sister? Why would the universe do that to me?

I don't know.It's not like you've ever treated women in such a way that would invite some sort of karmic retribution.

retribution •ń‚˘

You banged my sister! My sweet, little, innocent

Pierced.

Really? Where? Don't answer that! Now I know why I felt everything you did to her last night.It wasn't a bro-nnection, it was a sis-nnection! Oh, my God.Ted did you

Big-time.

Nice! High five! Wait! No! No! Retraction five!

Hey, hey, you're the one who begged for a proxy bang.And while we're on the subject of family, I'm pretty sure you banged my mom-- mom beats sister.

I never banged your mom.

You just did the winking thing again!

No, I didn't.

Fine.Hey, Barney, let me ask you something.Were you, uh, feeling a little sore this morning? Especially

Friendship over!

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