ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"I have looked high and low for someone I can love and adore and cook waffles for."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzSomething New

Ow.

So, what are we gonna do-- put something in their food, key their car? Ooh, do either of those cigars explode?

Hold on, Wile E. Coyote, I think I got something. He's checking out the hostess. Now, a guy who's happily in a relationship sees a girl like that, he'll check her out maybe 14, 15 times, tops. 16 times, tops.

So Krirsten's more invested in the relationship than her fella is. That could spell trouble.

Challenge accepted.

Hey, do you think it's bad luck for a bride to break up two strangers a week before her wedding?

I'd say it's very bad luck... for Krirsten. Ow, I hate this table so much!

Why would you move to Chicago?

Because it's the perfect town for me.

I-It's like a Clevelandy New York, and-- don't act like you haven't noticed-- my hair excels in the wind. Besides, you're moving to Rome.

excel —D‚ę‚é

Yeah, for a year, a-and when we get back, we need you to be here waiting for us, hopefully living in this house with your future bride.

Wha... what future bride?

The girl. She's out there walking around New York City right now, probably in a pair of really cute boots that she's gonna let me borrow whenever I want because we're the same size. She is out there, Ted.

Is she, really? Because I've looked. I have looked high and low for someone I can love and adore and cook waffles for. The closest I've come is Marshall.

high and low ‚­‚Ü‚Č‚­

He does love your waffles.

It's the cinnamon. I add cinnamon. She's not in New York. Maybe she's in Chicago.

Okay, you are being ridiculous. You are going to find someone here in New York that you love just as much as I love Marshall.

And you, if you let Judy talk you out of going to Italy, so help me, I will never let you stuff my ravioli again.

I'm gonna take you off speaker. Lily, you got to relax. Okay, my mom is psyched about Italy. She keeps making jokes about how she's gonna come live with us in Rome and sleep on the couch and cook every meal for us so we never have to go to a restaurant the whole year we're there.

It's not a joke. By not saying no to me right now, you are giving me your full consent for that to happen.

consent ł‘ř

She's so funny.

I got to go.

I'm probably saying some political stuff right now to sound smart.

I'm probably referring to some snooty podcast to sound even smarter.

snooty ‰Ą•ż‚Č

I'm probably saying something in French.

Aah! My God... Ow.

Okay, you want to break them up? I got a plan. It's something I know has worked in the past, but it-it's, it's risky, so it's, it's not too late to call it off.

No way, I'm in.

Good, 'cause it's too late to call it off. Observe.

And that is why the senate can't push anything through.

senate ‘‰ď

And Doug Mand said the same thing in his podcast.

It's like, Apres moi le deluge!

Ooh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. Yes, yes, yes. Yes!

What?

Yes! I will marry you! Even though a ring in a champagne glass is a total cliche and this is a cushion cut. And how long have I been hinting that I want a princess cut? But yes!

That's a mistake. That's not from me.

It's not?

We've only been together seven years.

Now it becomes clear.

Here we go.

You want commitment the same way you want my brother to work for you.

I'm sorry I didn't put an engagement ring in your drink. The way you chug booze, I'm surprised you even noticed.

chug ˆę‹Cˆů‚Ý

So, when are you leaving?

Day after the wedding.

What? You can't miss the day after the wedding. That's when we sit around all hungover, drinking mimosas and talking smack about who looked fat. That's my Christmas. Why are you in such a rush to get out of there? Oh. Of course. You're not leaving because you think the love of your life isn't in New York. You're leaving because you think she is. And this time next week, she'll be married to your best friend.

hungover “ń“úŒ‚˘ talk smack about ˆŤŒű‚đŒž‚¤

Baby! I am in the middle of something super dramatic here. But real quick: If you let Judy come to Rome with us, you are going to have to find someone else to do your laundry and massage your feet. Oh, my gosh, she's going to do all that, won't she?

Lily, you have to stop freaking out. Nothing is going to screw up the plan. We're doing this. I love you.

I love you, baby. Bye.

Hello?

Hi. Marshall Eriksen? I'm calling from the New York State Judiciary Committee. Uh, you applied for a judgeship a few months ago, remember?

Uh, of... of course.

Well, I have good news. We have a last-minute opening on the bench.

What are you saying to me right now?

I'm saying congratulations. We want you to be a judge.

So, you want me to be a judge?

Yes.

And I would start a week from Tuesday?

Yes.

Could I maybe start a year from Tuesday?

No.

Got to be a week from Tuesday?

Yes.

And I'd be a real judge?

Yes.

With a robe?

Yes.

Gavel?

Yes.

Wacky Southern accent?

No.

Now, counselor, are you absolutely sure?

Yes.

And I have to be in New York for this?

Yes.

I can't telecommute?

No.

I couldn't be the crazy speakerphone judge?

No.

Could I be a hologram?

No.

Animatronic robot like Abe Lincoln from the Hall of Presidents that I control from afar with a joystick?

No.

Do you remember the giant Jor-El head from Superman?

Yes.

Well, what if I...?

No.

Is there any way that I could do this and also spend the next year of my life in Italy with my wife?

No.

This is such a big decision. I-I'm not good at big decisions.

Are you sure you want to be a judge?

Wow. Now that we've broken up a seven-year relationship just 'cause they stole our table, I feel kind of...

Awesome?

I was going to say horny, but yeah, awesome, too.

No way. Are you kidding me?

What?

Whoa. Is there going to be a fight? Okay, here's the play. You take the girl, and the guy and I will watch.

Hello. Just the people we want to see.

We got in a pretty big fight because of you guys.

We had to call our therapists after hours. Not cool.

Anyway, it got us to where we are now.

We're getting married!

And I'm taking her last name. You should think about doing the same thing.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Good night. Congratulations.

Yes, definitely.

That was us. We made that happen. We're pretty cool.

And, you know, a week from today, we are going to be legend... wait for it...

Married.

Legend-married.

Legend-married.

Robin Scherbatsky, I love you so damn much.

I love you, too, Barney Scherbatsky.

That sounds good.

Shh.

Think about it.

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