ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Hey, Lily, what brings you to the crib?"

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzGlitter

Robin: No.

Ted: We've been waiting all day!

Robin: Just watch it without me.

Barney: Two dudes on the couch together watching porn? That's kind of weird.

Robin: Okay, it's not porn, it's a kids' show.

Ted: Two dudes watching a kids' show might be worse.

Robin: Okay, fine, I'll watch it with you. But if either of you makes even one peep about the show being dirty, I'm turning it off.

Barney: We...

Robin: I'm serious.

Robin Sparkles: Hey Jessica, how's your beaver?

Jessica Glitter: Great. How's your beaver?

Robin Sparkles: Busy as ever!

Robin: Our characters had pet beavers.

Ted: Sure.

Robin: The beaver is the official animal of Canada. It's our national mascot.

Barney: It's a noble creature.

Man: Okay, girls. Everyone knows a beaver's favorite food is wood. I just hope we brought along enough of it for our three-day galactic space journey. So let's do the math. If Robin's beaver devours six inches of wood every half hour, and Jessica's beaver devours eight inches of wood every 45 minutes, how much wood will I need to keep both of these beavers well-fed all weekend long?

devour ćÂčH‚¤

Robin Sparkles: While you figure it out at home, how about we sing you a song about our beavers?

Robin: You don't get to hear the beaver song! It is a sweet song about friendship, and you guys are being disgusting, and beavers are adorable!

Barney: No arguments here.

Punchy: 'Sup Shmosby!

Ted: Punchy, what are you doing here?

Punchy: Well, yesterday you said if I was ever in New York. 'Sup, turds?

Ted: Okay, uh, uh, where are you staying?

Punchy:In your mom's pants. Trick. She's old. Hey, don't worry about me. I'm cool on the couch.

Robin: Whoa. He's staying here? You're staying here?

Punchy: I know! It's so good, right? Feel like you're dreaming? But check your totem, brah. Punchy's here in the flesh. So, why don't we get one of these, Ted? Yeah. Remember these? High school? Junior high? Yeah. Elementary school? Remember those? Look, look, Punchy's here.

Punchy: Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied in your pants down by the lake? Unbelievable!

Robin: Hey, Schmosby, remember when you dookied on our couch in the form of your idiot high school friend? Unbelievable!

Ted: Come on. I worry about the guy. He's had the same dead-end job at a car rental place for 15 years.

Robin: Don't care.

Ted: He's been stuck in Cleveland his whole life.

Robin: Get a hotel.

Ted: Robin... LeBron.

Robin: Okay, one night. Got to go.

Lily: Where are you going? We just got here.

Robin: Oh, a Korean massage.

Lily: By yourself?

Robin: Well, I figured you'd be busy, reading What to Expect When You're Expecting to Expect.

Lily: Guys, did you see that? She's going to a Korean massage without me. That's our thing. I'm telling you, she's gonna dump me, just like she dumped Glitter.

Marshall: Lily, come on. We don't even know that's what happened.

Ted: Um, hello, somebody already solved that crime using math, remember?

Marshall: Look, Lily. Robin is clearly getting tired of you constantly talking about babies.

Lily: I don't.

Marshall: Lily, how old am I?

Lily: 384 months.

Punchy: Busted!

Marshall: Okay. So before you Lily all over the place, maybe you should try hanging out with Robin and not talking about babies.

Narator: So Lily did just that. She tried not to talk about babies.

Robin: Hey, Lily, what brings you to the crib?

crib ‚ż‚Á‚Ű‚Ż‚ȉĆ

Lily: Crib...

Robin: What's the matter? You look rattled.

rattled ˘˜f‚ľ‚˝

Lily: Rattled? I want to talk about babies.

Robin: What?

Lily: Look, I know you don't care about this stuff, but I'm about to become a mother. And as a future mother, I'm gonna need the support...

Robin: Oh, my God! You're not even pregnant yet.

Lily: What's that supposed to mean?

Robin: It means that a fertilized egg has not yet attached itself to the lining of your uterine wall. You see? I read your Facebook updates. God, it's like it's all you ever talk about, Lily, and I'm sick of it!

fertilized egg Žó¸—‘ lining — ’n

Lily: Well, guess what? I've got some good news. When that baby comes, you don't have to see it. In fact, you don't have to see me. This whole friendship thing? Done.

Robin: Great.

Lily: Great.

Marshall: For crying out loud. You broke up with Robin?

Lily: I had to. We were growing apart, and we're better off without each other.

Marshall: Okay, Lily, you sound about as convincing as you did the time you "accidentally" shredded my Joey Buttafuoco pants.

Lily: No!

Marshall: Get on the phone, call Robin and fix this.

Lily: I can't. The damage is done. Can you just hold me?

Marshall: You know what? No. I don't agree with what you did, and so I refuse to comfort you, despite how adorable you are when you cry.

refuse ‹‘”Ű‚ˇ‚é

Lily: Okay.

Marshall: Okay. Maybe just one cuddle, but then that is it.

cuddle •ř‚Ť’÷‚ß‚é

Punchy: Times Square's the bomb! I got so many great pictures of all the billboards.

Ted: Yeah. You know, there's more to New York than Times Square. There's the Village, the Lower East Side, Central Park...

Punchy: They got better billboards then the ones in Times Square?

Ted: No.

Punchy: Times Square's the bomb! Here. You know what? Hold this, okay? I'm going to go pee in the jar I got going in the alley.

Barney: Seriously, dude, he has got to go. You need to be like, "You are the weakest link. Goodbye." Punchy, the tribe has spoken. Please pack up your knives and go. Your work of art didn't work for us. Your time's up. I have to ask you to leave the mansion. You must leave the chateau. Your tour ends here. You've been chopped.

evict —§‚ż‘Ţ‚Š‚š‚é measure up ‰ž‚Ś‚é sashay éD‘u‚Ć•ŕ‚­

Ted: Okay, yeah. I know.

Barney: You've been evicted from the Big Brother house. Your dessert just didn't measure up. Sashay away. Give me your jacket and leave Hell's Kitchen. I'm sorry, you did not get a rose. You have been eliminated from the race. You are no longer in the running to be America's Next Top Model. You're fired. Auf Wiedersehen.

eliminate œŠO‚ˇ‚é

Punchy: Ted, come look at this. I found a little wounded bird in the alley.

Ted: That's your scrotum.

scrotum ‰A”X

Punchy: You know what it is, Ted. You know what it is. Come on, Ted. You always fall for that.

Ted: Yeah, he's gotta go.

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