ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"I'm soory for your loss"

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzThe Mermaid Theory

Narator: Kids, in the winter of 2010, we had a new addition to our little group... Zoey. Zoey was married to... The Captain.

Captain: Boys! Great to see you! Looking smart. Have a wonderful time tonight, okay?

Marshall: Okay. That man is terrifying.

Barney: Everything he said was nice, but I am profoundly scared.

profoundly S‚Š‚ç

Ted: Keep smiling. He can still see us.

Narator: There was just something about him. We couldn't put our finger on it until...

Marshall: I figured it out! I know what's so creepy about The Captain.

Robin: Okay.

Marshall: Yeah. I snapped this photo of him last time he dropped off Zoey.Observe. The bottom half of his face... is smiling. He seems happy. Seems like a nice guy. But the top half of his face...wants to murder you! Cheerful. Wants to murder you. No. Cheerful. Wants to murder you. Now, hold on. Let me ask him a question. Captain, what do you think of ice cream? Oh, he loves it!

Barney: Captain, what do you think of rainy days?

Marshall: Whoa, he hates them.

Robin: Captain, quick question: How do you feel about the Jonas Brothers?

Ted: Ooh. What-What is that?

Robin and Lily: I don't get it.

Marshall: He hates that he loves them.

Ted: Great. Okay. Hey, guys, Zoey just told me about this great Frank Lloyd Wright retrospective tonight. Who's in?

Lily: Sorry, I'm, uh, I... I- I don't know, washing my hair.

Marshall: Running the water.

Robin: Holding the towel.

Barney: And I'll be home trying to get over the fact that no one invited me to the big hair washing party.

Ted: All right, fine. Guess it'll just be me and Zoey.

Lily: Oh, wait. Just the two of you? Tread lightly, Mosby. Any time a single guy hangs out with a married woman, there are rules that must be followed. Rule number one...

Tread lightly ‚ť‚Á‚Ć•ŕ‚­

Barney: Don't use the husband's condoms. That's just rude.

Lily: Rule number one: don't go anywhere that has candles.

Marshall: Excuse me, Captain, how do you feel about Ted and Zoey having an intimate chat by candlelight? It'll be the last dinner they ever have.

Lily: Rule number two: No sharing food. In fact, anything involving saliva is off-limits. Toothbrushes, thermometers, lipstick.

saliva ‘Á‰t off-limits šˆć

Ted: Well, if I can't share her lipstick,there's really no point in even going.

Lily: And the most important rule of all...

Barney: Lubricant is public property.

Marshall: Please.

Lily: No lying to the spouse about anything you do.

spouse ”z‹ôŽŇ

Ted: Why would anyone lie? Look, Zoey and I are just friends. If there was anything more than that, I wouldn't hang out with her.

Marshall: Lily's right, Ted. Once you're married, it's very hard to be friends with a single person of the opposite sex.

Robin: Yeah. Unless you're old friends, which is why I can hang out with Marshall whenever I want. Right, Marsh Madness?

Marshall: No doubt, Robo Cop.

Lily: You two never hang out alone. You just made up those nicknames right now.

Marshall: I guess it's true. You and I never really hang out alone.

Robin: Well, let's. Let's have dinner together, just the two of us.

Lily: Oh! Sweet. No candles.

Barney: Lily, I guess that leaves just you and me. Want to hang?

Narator: And then Lily said something to Barney that insulted every fiber of his being.

insult •ŽJ‚ˇ‚é fiber of one's being ŽŠ•ŞŽŠg

Lily: Nah.

Narator: Wait. No. It had to be more than just, "Nah." Oh, I think she said...

Lily: You're a big... stupid octopus head!

Narator: No, that doesn't make sense. Okay, hang on. What did she say? She said, um, uh... To be honest kids, I'm having a little trouble remembering exactly what their fight was about. Hey, it was 20 years ago! I'll remember. Anyway, the next night...

Ted: Well, Lily, you were right. Something weird happened with Zoey last night.

Zoey: Oh, that's the Captain. Yes, I call my husband The Captain, but that is the only concession I make to his seafaring ways. Hang on. Ahoy. I'm just out with friends.

concession ‹–—e seafaring ‘Dć‚č‹Ć

Ted: Friends. Plural. Like-Like there was more than one of me.

Plural •Ą”Œ`‚Ě

Lily: Ew! Ew! She lied to her husband? Uh-oh. So, what did you do?

Ted: Uh, Zoey, um, did you just say you were out with friends?

Zoey: Yeah. The Captain's on his way home from Milan. He can get a little jealous sometimes, so I didn't want to make him worry. Is that okay?

Ted: It's totally okay.

Lily: It's not okay!

Ted: I didn't really think it was okay!

Barney: Pur-leez! You lie to your husband all the time. "Uh, uh, that shirt looks great on you""I love your mom""I never fantasize about Barney when we're doing it"" Sound familiar, Pinocchio?

Marshall: What's wrong with this shirt?

Ted: Lily, ruling. Do I have to stop hanging out with Zoey?

Lily: No, you just need to spend time with her and The Captain together. If you're friends with the both of them, then there's not a problem.

Ted: Actually, I do have a standing invitation from The Captain to go for a ride with them on his boat.

Lily: Great. So go make nice with Captain Creepy, and problem solved.

Narator: The next night, Marshall and Robin went to dinner, just the two of them. Now historically, they had three solid conversation topics: cold weather...

Robin: December chill... so great.

Marshall: Totally.

Narator:...sports...

Marshall: Did you catch the game last night?

Robin: Yeah. Nail-biter.

Nail-biter “WŠJ‚Ş“Ç‚ß‚Č‚˘

Narator:...and cold weather sports.

Marshall: You know what's fun? Is cold weather sports.

Robin: They are fun.

Narator: They blew through them all in the first 16 seconds.

Robin: Man, this is awkward.

Marshall: She's giving me nothing!

Robin: He's just staring at me!

Marshall: She's just staring at me! It's making me nervous. Great, now my left eye is twitching.Marshall, it's cool. She doesn't see it.

Robin: What the hell's going on with his eye? Am I supposed to not talk about that? Great, now my right eye is doing it.

Waiter: Can I get you two some drinks?

Marshall: Lots of drinks.

Robin: Oh, so many drinks.

Narator: That same night, Barney and Lily were still fighting about, um... something. Or was it that other thing?

Lily: Barney.

Barney: Save it, Lily. I am still mad at you for... something, and for that other thing.

Lily: Look, I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. But let's be honest. You've been super sensitive lately.

Barney: No, I haven't! God, how can you say that?!

Lily: Watch out!

Narator: Wait. They were on the street.

Lily: Watch out!

Barney: Oh! Wow. Thanks, Lily. You saved me. You saved us. Look, I know you didn't mean whatever it was you said that made me so mad.

Lily: I think I probably didn't.

Narator: And just like that, the fight was over. You know, kids, friendship is funny sometimes.

Lily: Wait. I still can't resist getting one last shot in.

Narator: Like I said, the fight was just getting started.

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