ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"if I do something colossally stupid, nobody ever has to know."

–˛

ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“7yŒ´‘čzNow We're Even

So, how's living alone?

You know, it's interesting.When I first moved into my new apartment, I was nervous.

For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate.But then it hit me: for the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate! If I want to walk around naked, nobody cares.If I want to leave the laundry basket in the middle of the living room, nobody stops me.If I bring home soup from the deli and leave it in the fridge for two days, nobody eats it.And if I do something colossally stupid, nobody ever has to know.

colossally “r•ű‚ŕ‚Č‚­

People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing.But the truth is that guy's a genius.

Because let's be honest, sitting around watching TV, drinking beer and eating ribs alone is what every red-blooded American would rather be doing at all times.

red-blooded ’j‚ç‚ľ‚˘

Yeah, but wouldn't it be better to have someone to share the I mean, don't you get lonely without Yeah, that sounds pretty great.

What's the best thing about dating a stripper, you ask?

Nope.Just asked for your drink order.

I'll tell you the best thing about dating a stripper.

He'll just have a scotch.

Getting to say, "Hey, I'm dating a stripper."

And I should go.Time to make the doughnuts.

More like time to make some dough sitting on some nuts.She's a stripper.I'm dating her.I'm dating a stripper.Barney wins.I'll walk you out.

dough ś’n

Hey, where are you going?

Quinn needs to get to work. She's a

I know. A stripper. Got it.

Hey, taxi! My girlfriend's a stripper!

So, Ted, guess where we're having dinner Friday night.Chez L'Argent.I am so excited.We've been trying forever to get this reservation.Can you hold on for just one second? What the hell are you doing?

Nothing.Did you say you had to pee?

No.But yeah, I do have to pee.Man, this kid better be real freakin' cute!

What was that all about?

Lily had a sex dream last night.

Sex dream? Do tell.

I was painting the baby furniture

Oh, yeah.Oh, yeah.Hurry up, before Marshall gets home.

Oh, oh Whoa! I'm sorry, baby.Were you asleep?

All pregnant ladies have crazy sex dreams.It's just her hormones going berserk.

So who's responsible for her rapid thigh movement this time?

thigh ‘ž‚ŕ‚ŕ

Oh, my favorite was when she banged George Washington.

bang ƒZƒbƒNƒX‚ˇ‚é

I liked the three-way with Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.

Oh, he smurfed the smurf out of her.

Yes, while The Cos smurfed off in the corner.We all remember.But here's the thing.When Lily has dirty dreams about other people, she always tells me.But this time

Sounds like you had a crazy dream.What was it about?

And then her face turned vermilion.

vermilion Žé

Just you and me gettin' it on, monogamously.Monoga-me-oh-my.

monogamously ˆę•vˆę•w

Not the rose quartz of the slightly embarrassed, or the tomato red of the mildly abashed, vermilion, the color of carnal shame.Can only mean one thing: Lily dream-banged someone we know.

carnal Ť“I‚É

Okay, you caught me vermilion-handed.The truth is, I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.

inception ”­’[

That movie only came out two years ago.

What movie?

You know who I bet it is? Robin.

Already checked.Lily and I paid her a visit at the new World Wide News headquarters.

And I'm so excited, because I've been trying months to get this reservation.Can you hold on just one second? What the hell are you doing?!

Nothing.Nice photo.Oh.Your passport must be enormous.

Ugh.You know, for the record, I didn't want this.Didn't want it, did not approve it.It's super embarrassing.Hey, Merle.So, uh, do you guys want to come up and see my desk?

Yeah, why not?

Come on.

I.D.?

Oh.Um, that is me.

Ma'am, with all due respect, you're a wee bit older than that hottie.

For God sakes.You know, here I am, on national TV every day, and still a guy who spends his whole life sitting next to a giant picture of me has no idea who I am.

This isn't my whole life; I'm in a band.And we're gonna make it.

And, kids, they did make it.But I'll get to that later.You know what, I'm probably not going to get to that later.They had one song, it didn't suck, the end.

You always said it wasn't about being famous.You just want to do solid journalism, right?

Yeah, well Of course I want to be famous! In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles.I was a cabinhold name.But here?

Don't need to see your I.D., Merle.Everyone knows who you are.You're Merle.

He was in one skit in the Christmas party! Uh, by the way, how is Ted doing?

skit ĄŒ€

Kids, you remember what happened.I declared my love, she turned me down, we both moved out of the apartment, and now

I haven't talked to him since we stopped talking.

He's pretty good.

Pretty good?

Last night, you ate a box of Froot Loops in your tighty whities.

tighty whities ƒuƒŠ[ƒt

No, I demolished a box of Froot Loops, fully nude.Yeah, "pretty good" works.

demolish H‚ׂ‚­‚ˇ

Hey, Barney.

Hey, Lily.

Do you know what this is about?

Uh-huh.

Do I want to know?

No, sorry, bro.

Damn it! Okay, time for my stuff.Guys, I was sitting at home last night, and all of a sudden, I had a piphany.And my piphany was this

Actually, it's, uh, it's "epiphany."

No, Ted, this is the piphany.And here it is: Make every night legendary.Guys, we've had some pretty legendary nights.But we've also had some nights that weren't so legendary.Lookin' at you, The Night Ted Made Us All Watch Norbit.

Eddie Murphy as a fat lady; what's the problem?

That was Eddie Murphy?

The non-legendary nights are done.From here on in, every single night of our lives will be a night we'll never forget.Starting tonight.Who's ready for the longest, craziest adventure yet?! Good.The weak have been weeded from our herd.You ready to rock and roll, Ted?

Yeah, I'm going home, too.I'm sensing some costumes coming up here and I'd rather steer clear.

Ted, 20 years from now, when you're all alone and I'm President, you're not gonna remember sitting around your apartment doing nothing.What you will remember is that tonight, this night was The Night We Started a Mariachi Band! Uno, dos, tres, quatro!

–˛

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