Narator: Kids, in the fall of 2010, our friends Stuart and Claudia had a baby, and Marshall and Lily were the first to visit the happy new parents.
Marshall: So, have you guys landed on a name yet?
Stuart: We're trying, but it's tougher than you think. You see, I like "Tiffany."
Claudia: And I don't want my daughter to have a whore's name.
Stuart: That's my mother's name.
Claudia: I know.
Stuart: Oh, I got it. How 'bout we name the baby after you-- "Frigid Shrew."
Claudia: Oh, that's good. No, no, no, no. Let's call her "Vodka." Then at least we know you'd hold her tight and never let her go!
Stuart: Don't knock the vodka. Wouldn't have a kid without it.
Marshall: Stuart, you are so... That's not gonna be us, right? I mean, how hard can it be to name a baby?
Lily: Right? I mean, just look at her. Yeah. She's clearly a...
Marshall: Okay! I made a list of awesome baby names. Starting at the top number one...
Ted: I'm gonna stop you right here, Marshall. You name a chubby white kid "LeBron," and he's the one getting stuffed in the basketball hoop.
Marshall: Then I'm also crossing off, um, "Shaquille"... Mm-hmm. "Hakeem," and "Dikembe." Hey, what about "Rob"?
cross off 取り消す
Lily: "Rob"? No.
Marshall: Why not?
Lily: Hey, Rob. What are you gonna make? A turkey?
Rob: Hunka, hunka!
Lily: Not "Rob."
Marshall: um, how about "Ryan"?
Lily: Not "Ryan."
Lily: Hey, where's the goldfish?
Lily: Not "Johnny." Or "Gil."
Lily: Jeremy, no!
Lily: Definitely not "Jeremy." His stuff was so derivative.
Marshall: Well, I mean, geez, Lily.
Robin: Well, whatever you do, do not name your baby "Becky," right?
Marshall: Why? What?
Robin: Becky. My new co-anchor? Don't you guys ever watch the show?
Lily: Oh, honey, I really try.
Marshall: Our DVR won't recognize it as a television program.
Ted: I watched. Robin insisted I confirm how "awful" Becky is, so last night I checked it out.
Robin: Peace talks in the region have been described as, "productive." Becky?
Becky: Last night, in Staten Island, a taco cart owner was robbed at gunpoint. Aww... That's so sad.
Robin: Becky, we're-we're journalists. We can't get emotional about the news, we...
Becky: Oh, no! They stole all his money and then pelted him with his own taco meat! Who would do that?
pelt with 投げる
Robin: Well, if you read the story, we might find out.
Becky: Oh, can I do this one, about the horse? I love horseys. Aww, the horse died. Guys! This news is all really sad.
Robin: Okay, no holds barred-- what'd you think of Becky?
no holds barred 無条件で
Ted: Mmm... I thought she was charming.
Robin: You, too? Can somebody please explain to me why the little girl act works on men?
Barney: You want the long version or the short version?
Lily: Short version.
Barney: Short version. Who's your daddy?
Lily: You know, when you think about that, that phrase is really creepy.
Marshall: No, it's not. It's fun. Here, watch this. Hey, Lily... Who's your daddy?
Robin: Okay, uh, let me get this straight. So, in, uh, in this scenario, because you make such sweet love to Lily, she is now your daughter.
Marshall: No, she is not my daughter. I'm just her daddy.
Ted: Wow. That is disgusting.
Robin: Exactly. And it's not like the opposite would work. There's no way a guy could pick up a girl, going around talking like a little boy.
Barney: Challenge accepted.
Barney: I, Barney Stinson, will pick up a girl whilst talking like a little boy.
Lily: Okay. Here's my list of baby names.
Lily: What about "Tara"?
Marshall: No. Not "Tara." Tara was the hottest girl in my high school. We were all, like, obsessed with her.
Marshall: We didn't just talk about her and fantasize about her... We wrote songs about her.
Marshall and his friends singing: Tara, your booty is so smooth; And I hope this isn't rude; But I want to get up on it.
Marshall: Not "Tara."
Lily: What about "Esther"?
Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Coming up on the main stage, give it up for Esther!
give it up for 拍手する
Marshall: Oh. Oh. Hey, Barney. That prime rib was surprisingly good, but it's 10:30 in the morning. I don't need to see a lady get naked and dance.
Barney: Oh, Esther gets naked. But she doesn't dance.
Marshall: Then what does she do? Sweet mother nature!
Barney: That was my card!
Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. Give it up for Esther!
Marshall: Not "Esther." I need a drink. Ted? Ted?
Ted: Marshall, your list is entirely boy names. You do realize there's roughly a 50% chance of you having a daughter, right?
Marshall: Okay, honestly, I've never thought about having a girl. I don't want to think about having a girl. Tara, Esther -- can you imagine being one of those girls' dads?
Marshall's friends singing: Marshall's daughter. Your booty; Your booty's so smooth.
Announcer: Gentlemen, gentlemen. On the main stage, give it up for Marshall's daughter.
Marshall's daughter: He screwed up my childhood. That's why I do this.
Marshall: I have no idea how to raise a daughter! What if she makes bad choices? I mean, what if she winds up dating some... Oh, God.
wind up 結局〜になる
Marshall's daughter: Papa, I want you to meet my new boyfriend.
Barney: Hey, bro. Thanks for making such a hottie. Who's your daddy?
Marshall's daughter: You are, 'cause of all the sex we have.
Marshall: I don't want a girl. I just want a little boy.
Ted: It's not what it sounds like, folks.