Kids, back in 2009, your Aunt Robin was the host of a morning show for local New York cable.And it was on pretty early.How early?
Mike? Wake up.
But then, everything changed.
Coming up next.
See my show?
Aw, I meant to watch it.I just got so busy with the whole being-sound-asleep thing.It took all night, eight hours down the drain.
It's fine.But get this.After the broadcast
Hi.Are you Robin?
I'm Don, your new co-host.
Don was Don Frank, a seasoned veteran of no fewer than 38 local morning news teams from all over the country.The guy was an industry legend.
no fewer than にも達する seasoned 熟練の
Wow! You are so going to hit that.
No! I just think we're going to be great together on the air.
And on the sofa and on the bed and on the coffee table.
All right, all right.I'm gonna go up on the roof and stand there by myself for five minutes.
And that's exactly what she did.She just stood there.All right, kids, I'm gonna level with you.That's not what she did.Here's what she did.
All right, all right.I'm going to go have a cigarette.
I promised her I'd never tell you this, but once upon a time, your Aunt Robin did enjoy the occasional cigarette, and occasionally that occasional cigarette was more than just occasional.
I just left something like this in my apartment.
Robin, come on, take it to the roof.We said no smoking in the apartment after you torched the throw rug doing push-ups.
All right, all right, all right.
Yeah, Robin.I mean, God, not only is that a filthy habit, but also, can I bum one?
Kids, your Uncle Marshall definitely doesn't want you to know this, but he also smoked off and on.It all started when he was 13, on a camping trip in Minnesota.
Come on, Marshall, let's celebrate.It's summer vacation.
Okay, but just one.This is my first and last cigarette ever.
And that was the first of many, many last cigarettes ever.
That's it.I am done, I am out.Last Cigarette Ev-arr!
So, by that point, I'd heard it all before.
Last cigarette ever.
What are you doing? You haven't smoked in six months.Is this about the McRib? It's gone, dude.Let it go.
I'm worried about work, okay? They just hired a new head of the legal department, and he's going to be letting people go.
So that's why you're worried?
The new head of the legal department is Arthur Hobbs.
As in Artillery Arthur? As in your former boss?
Arthur Hobbs was the meanest boss Marshall or anyone else had ever had.The last time Marshall worked for him, it ended like this.
Yikes.So, does he hold it against you?
I'm sorry, who are you?
I'm Marshall Eriksen.Um, we had a fairly intense screaming match.
Where in I suggested that you take your head and store it within yourself in a fashion that, well, while space-saving might limit its exposure to sunshine.
Well, that describes 95% of my employees and everyone in my family, except for my dog.He's such a good boy.Well, I'll see you later, Randall Wilkerson.
Gary Dinkersfield, right.
Great, he doesn't remember you.
Not great.Arthur Hobbs hating Marshall, that's no big deal.He hates everyone.It's the people he doesn't know that he cuts loose.He just fired What's-His-Face.
cut loose 勝手気ままにする What's-His-Face 何とか言う人
He fired What's-His-Face, Ted, and What's-His-Face was invaluable.
Look, I can understand you getting upset, but it's not worth killing yourself over.
Yeah, wait till you get laid off, then kill yourself.Like What's-His-Face.Although I guess now it's more like Where's-His-Face.
Look, it was just two cigarettes, okay? I can handle two.As long as I don't have three within 24 hours, then I'm not going to get hooked again.
get hooked 中毒になる
What's Lily going to say when she finds out you smoked?
Lily's not going to find out.I have a system.
Ah, yes, Marshall's system.
The next morning, your Aunt Robin was thrilled to be finally going on the air with a real pro.
In three, two, one
Hi, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.
And I am Don Frank.Two teens were arrested late last night for stealing a police cart.No, I'm sorry, not a police cart, a police car.Screw it.Brain fart.Don't you hate those? Look at that, the teleprompter's still running.Something about a woman giving birth on an uptown bus.Well, no point in jumping in halfway.I'll just wait till it's done.And she cut the cord with a Metro Pass.We'll be right back.
And we're clear.
What the hell was that? Don, you said brain fart.
Look, Robin, you seem like a nice kid, but this is my 39th local news show, okay? And in that time, I'Avoid the all-you-can-eat sushi buffet in Bismarck, do not go to the bathroom with your lapel mic still on, and three, at this hour, your entire viewing audience is one half-drunk slob sitting in his underwear,
Back in five, four
Well, let's do a great show for that half-drunk slob.
Well, that half-drunk slob appreciates it.
The next day, Marshall found himself craving a cigarette.It was driving him crazy, so he decided to get some fresh air.
Oh, no.You're not up here to jump, are you?
No, no, no, no.
I fired a lot of people today.I don't need another jumper in my file.Oh, uh, cigarette?
No.No, thank you.
That's too bad.You know what I miss, Jeffrey? Getting to know somebody over a smoke.People are so interchangeable now, but you share a butt with somebody, you got a real bond.
You know what? I will take one.
Thank you.I'm Marshall, by the way.It's Marshall, Marshall Eriksen.
Yeah.Tell me something, Marshall Eriksen.How would you like to see a picture of the cutest dog in the world? There he is.He's a good boy.