ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"It's totally a thing.Her brain is marinating in a cocktail of hormones, mood swings and jacked-up nesting instincts."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“7yŒ´‘čzThe Slutty Pumpkin Returns

Kids, for years, your Uncle Barney had reveled in mocking Aunt Robin's Canadian heritage.

revel ‘傢‚ÉŠy‚ľ‚Ţ mock ƒoƒJ‚É‚ˇ‚é heritage •iŤ

To have to grow up in Canada with America right there.

It's like an entire country without a tailor.

Why? Why do we let you be a country?!

But all that was about to change.

Guys, I have a very important announcement to make. I was on Facebook.

Nobody cool's on Facebook anymore.

Well, you know who is on Facebook now? Everybody's parents.And I just happen to be friends with Barney's long-lost father, Mr.Jerome Whitaker.

Me, too.

He's gotten really good at Bejeweled Blitz.

And guess who thought my status update about Manitoba was so interesting because his mother was born in Manitoba?

What?

Which means your grandmother

No

Which makes you

Don't say it!

one-quarter Canadian! Welcome to the tribe, hoser!

tribe ’‡ŠÔ hoser ƒJƒiƒ_l

No it's not true! That's impossible!

Once upon a time at a Halloween party, I met a girl dressed like a pumpkin a slutty pumpkin.And she was extraordinary.But she gave me her number on a Kit Kat bar, which was tragically given away as Halloween candy.So every year I return to that same party hoping I'd see her again.But with every passing October, that hope grew a little dimmer.Then one day, after ten years of searching

Oh, my god. The slutty pumpkin.

This might sound creepy, but do you have a record of who rented it in 2001? Wow, that was easy.

You're not the first lovelorn young man to walk through that door.Three girls got proposals off my wife's slutty artichoke costume.Two others disappeared, but I focus on the positive.

lovelorn Ž¸—ö‚Ĺ’ÉŽč‚đŽó‚Ż‚˝

I couldn't believe it.I actually had her address.I knew I had to play this right.It's not like I could just walk up and knock on her door.

Hi, you probably don't remember me, but

Halloween, ten years ago.Now that's a slow play.

The next day, Lily and Marshall headed out to Lily's grandparents for dinner.Marshall loved it out in the 'burbs.

in the 'burbs xŠO‚É

Look how many fireflies I caught!

Don't forget to poke holes in the jar this time.

Now we have a nice surprise for you.

Whatever it is, we're saying no.

What?

You know what.Every time we're here, my grandparents stick us with some big old piece of junk they're getting rid of.It's like the world's worst Showcase Showdown.

It's a perfectly usable lawnmower!

We live in an apartment!

But maybe someday when we move to the suburbs

suburbs xŠO

We're never moving to the suburbs!

And you also get this skinny microphone!

Oh!

Before we head out to our place in Florida, we wanted to give our favorite granddaughter a little something.

Ooh, it's so small.I love it! A key?

We're giving you the house.

Lily, I know you've always hated the suburbs

We'll take it!

For my first date with the slutty pumpkin, I took her someplace special.

Ted, this is so romantic.The spot where we first met ten years ago.Do you remember the song that was playing that night?

I remember how beautiful you looked.

It's been one week since you looked at me. Cocked your head to the side and said, I'm angry.

cock one's head to the side Žń‚đ‚Š‚ľ‚°‚é

Is that, uh, the Barenaked Ladies, huh?

Five days since you laughed at me Saying, Get that together.Come back and see me.

Kids, it took me ten years, but I finally kissed her.And it was terrible.

Lily, you hate the suburbs.

I know, but my grandparents giving us a house right when the baby's on the way? It's perfect timing.

This is great.I'm finally gonna be able to barbecue with proper ventilation.

proper ventilation “KŘ‚ČŠˇ‹C

Marshall!

We're moving to the suburbs, baby! Be right back.

Oh Okay.

Baby, you're not moving to the suburbs.

Why not?

Lily is only agreeing to all this because of Pregnancy Brain.

Pregnancy Brain? That's not a thing.

It's totally a thing.Her brain is marinating in a cocktail of hormones, mood swings and jacked-up nesting instincts.I mean, yes, right now Lily is a goddess bestowing the miracle of life, but damn, she dumb!

mood swings ‹C•Ş‚Ş“Ë‘R•Ď‚í‚é bestow Žö‚Ż‚é

Well, I have noticed some stuff.

I can't find my keys or wallet anywhere!

I found them here in the freezer.Hey, but where are the ice cube trays?

No idea.Those poor ice cubes!

I guess she has been a little off lately.

A little? She just texted me wanting directions back from the bathroom.Oh.We're over here! You're doing great, sweetie! That moron should not be making big life decisions right now.If you let her move to the suburbs, it would be like taking advantage of a helpless drunk chick.

What? Where?! Oh, I got a girlfriend, right.

Baby, we should put off moving.

Why?

Because I think the pregnancy is affecting your judgment.

No, Marshall, this is an amazing opportunity that we have to take advantage of! Just because my body is growing a fungus

fungus ‹Ű

Fetus.

Fetus ‘ŮŽ™

doesn't mean that my metal factories

Meal faculties.

faculty ”\—Í

are in any way funicular.

funicular ƒP[ƒuƒ‹ƒJ[

No idea.

Mmm This is nice.What is this?

Canadian whiskey.

I want scotch! American scotch from Scotland! Get that swill away from me! Why are you doing this to me?

swill Žc”Ń

You have been ripping on Canada since Justin Bieber was knee-high to a snow blower.So now this Canuck's gonna beat on you like the drummer from Yukon Blonde hopped up on Timbits.

rip on ˆŤŒű‚đŒž‚¤ hopped up on Œ‚Á‚Ä‚˘‚é

Hey.

Hey! How was your big date with the Snuffy Tuffkin? The Sniffy Napkin? The Slouchy Foreskin? Lily tie-tie.

It was goodish.

goodish ‚Š‚Č‚č—Ç‚˘

Look, there's Orion's Belt.

Oh.Why does holding hands feel this weird? Should our fingers not intertwine? What's causing that pinching feeling? I'll just cup her hand.There.That's not great.Her hair's up my nose.Her shoulder's jabbing into my windpipe.Maybe if we reposition.I have to say something.She must be feeling it, too.

intertwine Œ‹‚Ń•t‚­

This feels so right.We fit like two puzzle pieces.

Yeah.

Ted, I know you've waited ten years for this girl, but some things just aren't meant to be.

Not so fast.At the end of the night, when I leaned in and somehow accidentally kissed her open eyeball, there was a slight flicker of something I might even call chemistry adjacent.

adjacent —אڂľ‚˝

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