ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"The consequences could be dire."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“9yŒ´‘čzSlapsgiving 3: Slappointment in Slapmarra

It's a poignant parable whose message, is if you love someone, set them free. But not before first slapping them right in their stupid face. As my training continued, I also learned the delicate art of Chinese painting.

poignant Š´“Ž“I‚Č parable ‚˝‚Ć‚Ś˜b

That looks nothing like this bowl of fruit!

My training went on for a year.

A year?

A year.

One year? None of us noticed you were stuck in Shanghai for a year?

I wasn't being held slaptive, I chose to stay and complete my training.

I'm not even gonna... Just, whatever.

You have shown great slaptitude, young one. You are ready for your final test. Slap me.

What?

Slap me, now!

No, Red Bird, I can't.

Slap me-- that is not a request.

I won't!

The Vikings will never win the Super Bo... Wait, how did you...?Lucky shot. I wasn't re... That's a big tip. You must have much gold. You are ready for your final step.

Awesome! Oh, man! I can't wait to slap Barney Stinson right across his stupid fa... What? What did I say?

You must not slap anyone until your training is complete. The consequences could be dire. First, you must meet White Flower, the second master, who will teach you strength. She lives a top a mountain.

consequence d—vŤ dire ‹Ů‹}‚Ě

Which mountain?

No, not Witch Mountain. Slap Mountain.

Hate to cut in again here, but... Slap Mountain?

That's right.

You're claiming there's a mountain in China in the exact shape of a hand?

Everyone knows that. Right, guys?

True.

Totally.

I backpacked there in college.

It's the largest of the Slappalachian Mountains. And at the top...

Excuse me?

Uh, do you know where I can find White Flower?

How dare you speak that name? That is the most feared name in 40 villages!

Really? White Flower? I'm sorry, it's just, it's not exactly Voldemort.

Bro! Why don't yo just say Candyman three times and be done with it? Geez!

Awesome! Can-can you teach me how to do that?

No, I retired from teaching long ago.

Retired? You're like, 32.

I am 106 years old.

What is in these noodles?

I'm sorry, but my slapping days are over.

Darn, I really wanted this next Barney Stinson slap to be special.

This is to slap Barney Stinson? Yeah, okay, I'll totally teach you. The true power of any slap comes from the anger behind it. So for a truly devastating slap, you must harvest the anger of many. Every time someone who hates Barney slaps you in the face, the power of their anger goes from your face into your hand.

devastating ”j‰ó“I‚Č harvest ŽűW‚ˇ‚é

White Flower and I made love that night in the forest.

No, sorry. Flag on the play. You banged White Flower?

I made love to White Flower. And then I banged her.

In the forest?

In Gongqing Forest, yes. Actually right near the Slapping Tree. Which may or may not have come into play.

Oh, my God, you had a tree-way?

And, Lily, you were okay with Marshall having an affair?

What happens in the magical Gongqing Forest stays in the magical Gongqing Forest.

Best wife ever.

Like I was saying, you need to harvest the anger of others into your own slap. Now, dig deep. Can you think of anyone, anyone at all who hates Barney Stinson? I know, I know, I almost couldn't get through it with a straight face!

There are just so many people who hate Barney's guts!

Moving on.

The point is, you need to go get slapped in the face by a bunch of gullible chicks Barney banged.

I'm a friend of Barney Stinson. Ooh!

I'm a friend of Barney Stins...

I-I'm-I'm a friend of Barney Stinson. Aah!

Ooh!

I'm so sorry. I thought you said you were a friend of Barney Stinson.

I did. Ooh!

Oh!

Ooh! Wow! Could you... also... slap me in the face?

God, you're just as perverted as Barney.

pervert •Ď‘ԍsˆ×‚đ‚ˇ‚é

Ooh!

And after a while...

Look at this thing... it's all hot and glowy! I'll never have cold pizza again! I'll never have cold pizza again.

glowy ‚â‚í‚ç‚Š‚­Œő‚é

Silence!

Sorry, White Flower. I've just got a slappetite for destruction. Thanks for everything! I'm gonna go slap Barney Stinson right in his stupid face!

Wait, first you must go learn accuracy from the one who is called The Calligrapher in the far-off, mystical land of...Cleveland.

accuracy ¸–§‚ł in the far-off ‚Í‚é‚Š

Cleveland?

Cleveland.

Why Cleveland?

It's the city equivalent of being slapped in the face.

equivalent “Ż“™‚Ě

Bro.

Man, is this place a chain or something?

One for dinner?

No, I'm here to meet her.

Bro.

Can you teach me accuracy?

I can. The proper question is: will I? Grammar is the first step on the thousand-mile journey to accuracy.

I'm, uh, assuming there's no Mrs.The Calligrapher?

The path I've chosen is lonesome. But it's no big deal. I prefer being alone, I really do. Unless you know any single ladies you-you-you could set me up with.

Nope.

Good, because I prefer being alone. Also I'm sorry, but I retired from teaching long ago.

Retired? You're like, 35.

I'm 34.

Oh, sorry.

I use moisturizer every night. I thought my skin still looked vibrant.

vibrant —Í‹­‚˘

It does, it does. Look, uh, I'm just... I'm really just here to finish my training, um, so, the, uh, look, the truth is, I have a divorced cousin just outside of Akron. Now, I wouldn't call Janice easy on the eyes... or the springs of a bathroom scale... but if you want, I could set you up.

Sold! Now, the most important lesson in learning accuracy...

He was dying right before my eyes. So I did the only thing that I could think to do.

Please!

I slapped his back.

And that's when I found out why No slapping until your training is complete is the most important rule. Because my slap... was too powerful. I hadn't learned accuracy and so I couldn't control it. And, well...

No!

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