ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"I had you on the ropes."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“9yŒ´‘čzSunrise

Well, that party was a dud.

dud Ž¸”s

I think I struck out with, like, 20 girls.

And... my condom expired.

We are losers! We've tried everything. We're covered in Drakkar, I've got fresh new white socks, and I thought our mime work in there was excellent! What? Um, are we in a zombie movie right now?

Boys... today is your lucky day. Because today... I'm gonna teach you how to... ...live. Who's got gum?

Kids, for a brief period when I was seven, my best friend was a balloon. It was the classic story: boy meets balloon, boy and balloon become friends, boy loses balloon when Mom sets out hot dogs in the backyard.

No!

Decades later, boy's new best friend finds out about the whole thing and never lets him live it down.

I hate you so much.

The whole thing taught me a lesson. If you love something, you can never let it go, not even for a second, or it's gone forever.

Well, at least I still got my hot dogs. No!

It was a lesson that took me nearly 30 years to unlearn.

unlearn –Y‚ę‚é

Where could Barney be?

Oh, relax. He always finds his way home.

St.Patrick's Day, 2008. He did not find his way home that night.

That Dumpster was a block from his apartment. I call that a win. Also, that isn't the filthiest trash he's ever slept with. Ho! My future husband, folks! Or maybe he bailed on the wedding.

filthy ‰˜‚˘ bail on ‚đŽc‚ľ‚Ä—§‚ż‹Ž‚é

Oh, come on. Don't even think like that.

Well, he's terrified of commitment... although, ironically, loves being tied down...

ironically ”ç“÷‚É‚ŕ tie down ‘Š”›‚ˇ‚é

Look, as the run-offee at my own almost-wedding, I can tell you you are fine. Barney is no Stella.

Mmm. Hey, have you talked to her in a while?

Stella?

Yeah.

The woman who broke my heart and embarrassed me in front of all my friends and loved ones? Uh... no.

That was a lie. A few days earlier, I had talked to Stella on the phone.

Because, as you may recall, I'm kind of the wedding gift master.

Okay, I'm gonna stop you. Do you not hear how weird this all sounds?

What part of this is weird?

You're going to your ex-girlfriend's wedding.

It's not weird at all.

Where you'll be the best man...

Utterly not weird.

Utterly ‚Ü‚Á‚˝‚­

And now, less than a week before the wedding, you're calling the woman who left you at the altar and moved three time zones away, on the razor-thin chance that I somehow ended up with her grandmother's locket?

razor-thin ‚˛‚­‚킸‚Š‚Ě

You know what's weird, Stella? Not seeing Star Wars until you're 30.

You're trying to blow up the wedding.

You called C-3PO the Tin Man.

He is made of tin!

It's Tatooine scrap metal! This is not an argument you are gonna win. Now, do you have the locket or not?

Look, I might have it somewhere in one of my old boxes in our storage locker, but even if I did, I cannot get out there this week. I'm totally swamped.

swamp ŽE“ž‚ˇ‚é

One ticket to Los Angeles, please.

So the reason someone can't come up to fix the air conditioning is that the ghost of Captain Dearduff, who haunts this room, likes it muggy?

muggy ö‚ľ‹‚˘

That's correct. Although, now that I say it out loud, it does sound kind of ridiculous, because there's no such thing as ghosts. Right?

You have outflanked me, Front Desk Guy! Victory is yours!

outflank o‚ľ”˛‚­

The truth is, there was a ghost in that room. You see, minutes earlier, Marshall had been in the middle of the worst fight of his marriage, when all of sudden, Lily stormed out.

Damn it, Lily. This is so unfair.

I know! Storming out in the middle of an argument? So childish!

Thank you, Ghost Lily. I'm glad at least you see it that way.

Although, let's be honest, I did you a favor. You were gonna lose.

I... what? I was gonna lose? Uh, check your spectral scorecard, Ghost Lily. I had you on the ropes. That's why you ran out.

spectral —H—ě‚Ě have someone on the ropes ƒ[ƒv‚É’Ç‚˘‹l‚ß‚é

I ran out because you brought up San Francisco.

It was a valid point.

It's ancient history. If you're mad at anyone, you're mad at 2006 Lily.

Well, I can't very well have an argument with 2006...

Is nice! Do people still say that?

I'm sorry, how exactly are you gonna teach us how to live?

The journey to awesome starts with a single... Actually, lots of singles. We're going to a strip club.

Strip club? We're in the middle of nowhere.

There is always a strip club.

Hey, are you a little worried this guy might kill us?

We just put a down payment on adult bunk beds. Would getting killed really be so bad?

put a down payment on “Ş‹ŕ‚đ•Ľ‚¤

Good point. I got a weird feeling. I mean, there's something off about... Whoa!

Question: why does this sign say gentlemen's club? Answer: because The Crab Shed is a place for gentlemen. A gentleman tips generously. A gentleman uses the complimentary bathroom cologne... ...but not too much. Oh. This is important. Your instinct may be to avoid the free buffet. Your instinct is wrong. Don't sleep on the meatballs, gentlemen. They are exquisite! Come on!

complimentary —D‹ö‚Ě exquisite ”ü–Ą

You know, I liked Stella. Even though she broke your heart, I'd still put her in your top five.

Which are...?

All right, number five, Stella. Number four, Zoey. Number three, uh, the Slutty Pumpkin. Number two, Marshall, that time you guys pretended to be a couple when Barney was trying to sell the apartment. And number one, Victoria.

Well, you've given this some thought.

Well, we all have. There's kind of a running e-mail chain about it. But the pastry chef was the best. No question.

I do miss her sticky buns.

Uh, euphemism?

euphemism ˜p‹Č•\Œť

Nope.

Can I be honest? Um, it was kind of crazy how all of sudden it was just... over between you and Victoria. I mean... you guys were seven years in the making. She left her fiance for you. What... why would you break up? What happened?

We, um... we broke up because of you.

Oh, my God, this is amazing! I ruined my pants, but it's totally worth it! Best meatballs ever! Mmm!

I'm gonna ask a serious question right now. Can a person live in a strip club?

Yes. For the next few years, your strip club will be like home. Then, one day, you'll date a stripper and almost marry her, and after that, you'll realize you're done with strip clubs. In the sense that you'll dial it back to, like, once a week.

I feel like I can talk to women now.

Yeah. You just stick a dollar bill in your mouth, and the conversation starts itself.

You know, I think we're ready to go back to that party and meet some ladies.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You! Are! Not! Ready! Your training is complete when I say your training is complete! Come on, let's go.

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