Barney: Okay, Randy, now, tell me, without looking at your hand, what are the three beginner techniques for picking up a woman at a bar?
Randy: Isolate her from her friends; repeat her name in conversation; subtly put her down.
Barney: Excellent. Now let's put those to use.I'm right behind you.
Randy: Hi, I'm Randy. What's your name?
Randy: Haley.Haley, that's a pretty name, Haley.Haley come here, Haley.
Randy: Haley, you are a fat ugly whore.
Randy: I'm sorry, Barney.
Barney: So you got a drink thrown in your face. Happens to me all the time. Pretty soon you'll be able to anticipate it, and when you do? Free drink. Oh, hey. We got two live ones. New plan. this time follow my lead.
Barney: Evening, ladies. Oh, I like your broach. What is that?
Woman: Oh, it's a koala bear.I think they're adorable.
Barney: No way! My friend Randy here is the leading expert on koala bears in Australia! He's in town working with the Bronx Zoo.
Woman: You are? That is so cool! What is your favorite thing about koala bears?
Randy: Their meat is delicious.
Randy: I'm sorry, Barney.
Barney: Ah, it's okay. New plan. We need to get you comfortable just saying words to women. Now, there's no reason to be nervous, because my friend, Robin, has agreed to help out.
Robin: Because you threatened to put a video of us on the Internet, which I'm still not convinced you have.
Barney: Right, which is why you came all the way from Brooklyn at midnight. Now Randy, let's keep it simple. Just start by introducing yourself.
Randy: Hi. My name's Randy.
Robin: Hi, Randy.
Randy: How are you?
Robin: I'm good. How are you?
Randy: Good, thank you.
Barney: Great. You're doing really, really well. Now ask her what she's doing later.
Randy: What are you doing later?
Robin: Yeah, your nose is bleeding like a faucet.
Randy: Oh, God. This happens every time I get an erection. I am so sorry.
Barney: Okay. Okay, new plan. We wrap his face in gauze so he can't bleed or talk. You are the woman...
Robin: Barney, why are you so desperate to have this happen?
Barney: I'm a wingman. That's what wingmen do.
Robin: Is it possible that you're trying to fill the void of losing Ted by rushing into a new wingman relationship?
Barney: What are you saying?
Robin: I'm saying that Randy is your rebound bro.
Barney: No. That's crazy. What Randy and I have is real.
Robin: No, it's not, Barney. And even if you got Randy laid tonight, would it feel anywhere near as meaningful as when you got Ted laid?
Barney: He was just so happy the next morning, you know? I know.
Randy: All right. It hasn't clotted but I think it's pretty much draining backwards now.
clot 凝固する drain 流れ出る backward 逆行
Barney: Randy.I've been thinking, this isn't working out.
Randy: Yeah, I figured. I knew I couldn't fly this close to the sun without getting burned. This is the story of my life. I always let people down. You, my dad, the chief.
Barney: The chief?
Randy: Yeah, I was a cop for like three months. But I got kicked off the force because I screwed up so much I was an insurance liability.
get someone kicked off を〜から追い出す insurance liability 損害賠償保険
Barney: You were a New York City police officer and you didn't tell me?
Woman: Wow! Did you ever shoot anybody?
Randy: Only all the time.
Barney: But not himself. And not in the foot.
Barney: Ah, bah, bah, bah, bah.
Randy: But nothing.
Woman: I don't think there's anything hotter than a cop.Are you okay? Your nose is bleeding.
Barney: Old injury. The bullet's still lodged in his sinus.
Woman: Oh, my God! You know what? I live right around the corner. Can I take you to my place and fix you up?
Randy: That would be very nice.
Barney: Have a great time, you two.
Randy: Oh, my God, thank you. I can't thank you enough.
Barney: I am the greatest wingman of all time.
Robin: Ted doesn't know what he's missing.
Barney: You had to mention Ted, didn't you?
Stera: Okay, I really overreacted last night. I'm sorry.Maybe I have some trust issues, but believe me, I have earned them.You said that I was looking for a reason for this whole thing to fall apart.Well, you're onto me, Ted.That's actually something that I do a lot.But I'm not going to do that with you.Ted I'm in.
Ted: This is awkward.I have a girl here.
Stera: Come on. There is something that I'm ready to do with you.
Stera: Ted, this is Lucy.
Ted: Hi, Lucy.
Stera: Lucy, this is Ted.
Narator: Stella and I thought our relationship was going to take a big step that weekend. Turned out, it took an even bigger one.
Stera: She's sound asleep.
Ted: Oh. She is so great.
Stera: I think so. So, uh, I was thinking, my sister is in town until tomorrow. And, uh, there's a motel just down the turnpike.
Stera: Wow, that was amazing!
Ted: Oh, yeah.
Stera: What are you doing?
Ted: I gotta call Marshall and Lily. Tell them about this.