Back 2009, your aunt Robin got a job hosting a morning show.Which meant she had to get up kind of early.How early?
So you're actually doing it,huh? You're actually going to work at 2:00 a.m.
I'm not doing it for me.I'm doing it for the fans.
Who exactly are the fans of a show that airs at 4:00 in the morning?
People getting up to host a show at 5:00 in the morning?
Meth addicts who haven't sold their TVs yet?
Strippers in that messy gray area between getting off work and getting their kids up for school?
Them's my peeps.All right, catch me up.What's been going on?
You know,the uzhe.
Robin,think of the funniest thing that has ever happened.
Now double that.
So a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos?
Something even funnier than that happens to Marshall today.
Okay,first of all,there's nothing funnier than that.Second of all,look, it's not that good a story.
Oh,come on,you guys.You're four young active people living in the most exciting city on earth.You telling me you have no stories for me?
What can I say? Some weeks are just like that.It's the same thing over and over.A kid in my class ate some paste.
I used deceitful means to hook up with a less-than-intelligent girl.
My ex-girlfriend Karen moved to town.It's just, it's all the same,Robin.
Karen's in town?
You have got to be kidding me!
Kids,I think I've told you about Karen.She was my girlfriend in high school, and intermittently through college.She was beautiful,smart.I was madly in love with her.The only problem was, Marshall and Lily were not.I think it had something to do with every time Karen opened her mouth.
I love that you guys live in a dorm.It's so American.It's like,let's all eat baloney sandwiches and be racist.
dorm 寮 racist 人種差別主義者
Oh,my God,she was such a douche.
Dude,she was the heiress to the Massengill fortune.
She really wasn't that bad.
Of course you think that.She turned you into one of her douche zombies.
I want to eat your brain, but only if it's organic and grass-fed.
Will you pass the salt?
Salt? So bourgeois.
What's that thing?
That's a TV,Karen.
I don't watch TV.
You thought I actually bought tickets to WrestleMania? I was being ironic.
I know that you were being ironic.
I too am being ironic.
Let's do this! What?
That makeup didn't come off for a month.I had to meet Lily's parents that way.I've never looked like a bigger jackass.
Until today.Tell the story.Tell the story.Tell the story.
Just let it go!
Just let it go それ以上追求しない
Well,hold on.Is it really funny?
Robin,I am not kidding you.I almost don't want you to hear it, because seriously, for the rest of your life, nothing else will ever be as funny and you will curse yourself for agreeing to ever hear it in the first place.But seriously,you got to hear it.It's so funny.
I was at the company gym this morning playing basketball.The guys I work with can be pretty brutal with their ridicule.
brutal 荒々しい ridicule 意地悪い
Hey,look at Wisniewski.He's gonna cry.Look at him.
Yeah,look at him.
I don't know.I don't think knees aren't supposed to bend that way.I think he might have tore his ACL.
Bro,the only thing that guy tore was his cervix or maybe his hymen.
cervix 頸部 hymen 処女膜
Or his Fallopian tube.Boom!
Fallopian tube 卵管
I may have cleaned up the dialogue a little bit.Anyways I go to my duffle bag to get out my work clothes
Wait,wait,wait,wait.I want to say it.I want to say it.I want to say it.
Fine.You say it.
Marshall goes to his duffle bag to get out his work clothes, and No,no,no, you say it.It's funnier if you say it.No,let me say it.No,no,you say it.You say it.Say it.Same time.No,no,no,you go.You go.
Marshall forgot his pants!
He forgot his pants.
Okay,Marshall forgot his pants.That's pretty funny.It's no chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos.I mean,what did he he forgot he put the first one on? Stupid monkey.
So Karen in New York.Weird,right?
Ted,you cannot get back together with Karen.
I never said I was going to get back together with her.But I was thinking, she's new in town.Would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
No,no,Ted,it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.It would be the fourth worst thing.Super volcano.An asteroid hits the Earth.All footage of Evel Knievel is lost.Ted calls Karen.Lily gets eaten by a shark.
I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list.You don't know the whole story.Ted and Karen were off and on all through college, and it always went the same way.They'd be having fun, douching it up, and then one day
I know you think pepperoni is fascist and you're totally right,so I Oh,my God! Karen!
Before you say anything, I think that you should read Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal.
So then they break up.Ted would be all depressed and we would wait the appropriate amount of time and then we'd would tell him how we really felt.
depressed 精神的に落ち込んで appropriate ふさわしい
Karen and I broke up.
We hated her!
Bitch had to go!
And then Ted would build up a head of steam and finally take the bus to Providence to give Karen a piece of his mind.
head of steam 十分な勢い
How'd it go?
Great.Look who's back.
And then,sure enough, the whole thing would start all over again.
Make that 10,002 Maniacs, because I got us Natalie Merchant tick.