ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"I'm just gonna wing mine."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“9yŒ´‘čzLast Time in New York

So, the hairdresser shows up at 2:00 on Sunday.

Great, and while you do that, I'll check in on the ring bear.

I'm sorry. You're saying ring bearer, right?

Ring bear.

Okay, look into my eyes and say, I promise that I'm not bringing a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

I... Oh, that's the shuttle with our elderly relatives pulling up. There's nine steps between the bus and that front door, which means we've only got about 45 minutes until they get inside.

We won't have a moment to ourselves once those old bastards latch onto us like leeches, but they're family and I love them.

latch onto ‚‚Š‚Ţ leech ƒqƒ‹

Living link to history.

Oh, God. This is gonna be rough. My great-grandparents never stop bickering, but I guess that's what happens when you've been married for 60 years.

bickering Œű˜_

60 years. Man, when was the last time you think they had sex?

Probably not since the Maple Leafs won the cup. 1967.

That's not gonna be us, right? Like, when we get married, it's not all fighting, no sex?

What? No way. It's us, R-Train and B-Nasty. That will never happen.

We have to have sex right now.

Aw.

Kids, as you recall, Uncle Marshall had gotten kicked off his flight home from Minnesota and was now high-tailing it across the country with another stranded traveler named Daphne.

stranded ‘ŤŽ~‚ß‚ł‚ę‚é

How's it going, baby?

Fine. Except the flames of Lucifer keep singeing our back bumper as we drive through this hellish, cheese-infested wasteland.

singe •\–Ę‚đĹ‚Ş‚ˇ hellish ĹˆŤ‚Ě

Wisconsin?

Wisconsin! Packers country. But don't worry, the Eriksen men are repping the purple and gold like two bosses. Go, Vikings!

And how are you doing, Daphne?

Not bad, considering Marshall's been spouting Vikings trivia for the last hour. Do you know I don't care led the league last year in dumb sports stuff?

spout ‚Ü‚­‚ľ‚˝‚Ä‚é

Anyways, listen, I should be back in time for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow.

Oh, the rehearsal dinner. Daphne, you should have seen the dress I was gonna wear. Up top, it packed the gals together like opening night of a sex and the City movie. And down south, it made mama look like a dream Sir Mix-A-Lot would never want to wake up from.

Ooh, what happened to that dress?

The drunks at the dry cleaners destroyed it. Thank you, Linus.

Okay, Lily, I have to go. I have to alert the villagers that there is a Viking amongst them.

amongst ˆÍ‚Ţ

Oh...

Marshall's driving through Wisconsin?

Yep. Ooh, is that your toast?

Uh... yeah.

Yeah, I'm just gonna wing mine. 'Cause if you get up there and speak from the heart... things good... mouth words... memory times. Can I take a peek at your speech?

wing ‘Ś‹ť‚Ĺ‚â‚é take a peek ‚ż‚ç‚Á‚ĆŒŠ‚é

Uh, no. I...

Have a drink with my favorite students, see one last sunset over the Hudson. Ted, your speech sucks.

Well, it's no mouth words, memory times. But if you must know, it's, uh... it's not a speech.

What is it, then?

A week before the wedding, I realized I couldn't stay in New York any longer. So I decided to start fresh in Chicago.

It's a list of all the things I want to do before I leave New York.

Okay, I don't know which I hate more, the fact that you're moving away or the fact that I'm the only one that knows about it. Why won't you tell anyone?

You don't drop a bombshell like that this close to a wedding.

No, that's an excuse. You have been avoiding Barney and Robin since the carousel. And now on Monday, you're running away to Chicago.

I'm not running away. I'm moving on.

This list isn't written by someone who's ready to move on. It's written by someone who loves New York. I mean, Fix graffiti on 96th and Amsterdam?

graffiti —Ž‘‚Ť

I hated looking at it.

Buy the whole bar a round of drinks.

Hey, everyone. Next round's on me!

Yeah!

Ted?

Hey, everyone. Next round's on me!

Can I have a double bourbon...

No doubles!

Say good-bye to the Empire State Building. Bro.

What? Sometimes I go... talk to her about life.

And I just hate the thought of leaving you, Empy, but my gut tells me my future's in Chicago. What do you think?

You need to move.

Oh, my God, r-really? Are-are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. You can't just stand there talking to a building and petting it. Wait, are you one of those freaks who's sexually attracted to buildings?

An objectophiliac? No way.

Then why do you know what they're called?

Why do you know what they're called?

Wait. Wait, wait. You know what would really prove we're not some old married couple? Doing it somewhere we're not supposed to. No, not what I mean. Like the elevator or the pool cabana.

Uh, how about the roof?

Oh...

Who gets married this far away?

And the humidity.

They're here. What do you say we make this bang a home game?

Yes.

We're locked out.

I guess we could try the back door. Of our suite. There's a back door.

No, I locked it.

Okay, it's fine. We'll race down to the front desk and get a key before anyone notices us.

race down ŠŠ‘–‚ˇ‚é

Too late. It's like we're in a zombie movie.

Seriously. They move at a slow shuffle, they moan a lot and, if given the chance, they chew your ear off. But they're family and I love 'em.

Their wisdom is priceless.

Finally tell my upstairs neighbor how I've been feeling all this time.

Yeah.

Hi. Um, I live downstairs, and, well, I've always wanted to say this to you, but... I've never had the guts. So here goes. Are your shoes made of lead?! Because you are the loudest upstairs neighbor in history! Oh, oh, and you suck at the bongos! But, hey... keep practicing! In the middle of the night! Before any important interview I've ever had!

Come clean about April 26. What happened April 26?

Come clean ”’ó‚ˇ‚é

Uh... Can you believe people used to actually swim in those things? Meet me at Coney Island, see? I'll be doing the Charleston atop my giant-wheeled bicycle in an era where folks inexplicably talked like this.

Ted.

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