Narator:Kids, this is the story of the cab ride that changed my life.I know it sounds crazy, but for all I know my life would be very different if I had taken, say that cab. Or that cab. God knows what would have happened if I had gotten into that cab. I took this cab. And it changed my whole life. But first, we need to back up a little.
Ted:Is there any beer in the fridge?
Lilly:It's 10:00 in the morning.
Marshall:Grab me one?
Ted:So something bad just happened. Stella and I were out having breakfast.
Stera:So, my sister broke up with her boyfriend.
Ted:Well, I can finally say it. I hated that guy! Everything out of his mouth is, I'm a vegan. Fish feel pain.I'm never constipated. The guy's an idiot.
Stera:Actually, she's marrying him. I just wanted your honest opinion.
Ted:He's actually a really nice guy.I think there's a wisdom to...
Stera:Anyway they pick a date so, uh, you want to come with me, so that we can laugh our asses off as we watch him walk barefoot down the aisle in a hemp tuxedo?
hemp 麻 tuxedo タキシード
Ted:Yeah, sure. When is it?
Stera:First weekend in November.
Lilly:Is that the something bad? That she invited you to a wedding?
Ted:Six months from now. As in we'll be together six months from now. Do you guys remember Barney's whole thing about making plans in a relationship?
as in 〜などの場合
Barney:Ted, no. You're violating the date-time continuum. You never make plans with a girl further in the future than the amount of time you've been going out. You've been dating this girl for, what, two weeks? No, you're not taking her to a Springsteen concert in January. By that time you won't even remember this Robin girl's name.
Robin:Man, I love Springsteen! He's like the American Bryan Adams.
Ted:But Barney had a point. As soon as she started talking about the wedding, it freaked me out.
Ted:Oh, that sounds like so much fun. So I get to look forward to it for six months. Which is twice as long as we've been dating. I'm sure your daughter Lucy will come so it'll be like a a family trip. Our first trip as our funny little family. So that that'll be super-exciting.
Ted:Man, they crank up the heat in these places.
crank up 上げる
Stera:What's going on, Ted?
Ted:We need to talk.
Lilly:We need to talk? There's only two situations where you say that to someone and unless you're pregnant, it sounds like you broke up with her.
Ted:Yeah, I did.
Robin:So how did she take it?
Ted:I'm only trying to be honest with you.
Stera:You know, Ted. I have to go to work.
Ted:Stella, can we just I don't want to leave it like this.
Stera:No, Ted, it's okay. We're good.
Ted:Look, I know it sounds rough, but Stella's a mom. I have to be responsible. If I'm having these feelings now, what if they don't go away? What if they just get worse and worse and six months from now, I break up with her over tofu salmon at her sister's wedding? I can't do that to her. And I definitely can't do that to her daughter. It sucks, but I'm being the good guy here. This is the right decision.
Narator:Which brings me back to the cab ride.
Nurse:Hello, may I speak with Marshall Eriksen?
Ted:Hey, guys. Jell-O?
Lilly:Can you believe this? You're totally fine.
Ted:No, I'm not fine. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I want Stella back. I've left her like ten messages, but her phone's off. She's at that arcade Kiddie Funland with her daughter. Please. Let me go to Kiddie Funland.
Doctor:You can say that all you want, buddy, but you're not getting any morphine.
Ted:No, I'm serious. I got to get out of here.
Doctor:You're not going anywhere until we get the tests back. You could have internal bleeding. Your brain could be all full of blood. Think that's good for it? It ain't.
Ted:This sucks. This sucks. This sucks.
Marshall:Are you are you kidding me? You walked away from a car accident without a scratch. A miracle took place today.
Robin:Here we go.
Marshall:You don't think this was a miracle?
Robin:There's no such thing as miracles.
Marshall:March 2006, MacLaren's Bar.
Barney:That's terrible. That's in!
Ted:Here we go.
Marshall:That did not just happen.
Barney:Am I dead? Am I dead?
Robin:A pencil went up Barney's nose, and you call it a miracle.
Marshall:Well, do you have a better explanation for it?
Robin:A drunk jackass with a box of pencils?
Marshall:A drunk jackass called "God!" And a box of pencils called "destiny!"
Lilly:Speaking of Barney, I should give him a call.
Ted:Why? We're not friends anymore.
Lilly:You'd want to know if this happened to him.
Barney:Go for Barney.
Lilly:Hey, Barney. Listen, I have something to tell you.
Barney:Oh, boy, here we go. I've been waiting for this one. You talked to Robin. She told you what's under the hood and you want to take it for a spin yourself.
Lilly:Not even if you boiled it in detergent. It's about Ted.
Barney:Ted? Ah ah, ah ah. My former best friend Ted, who I asked you never to mention to me again?
Lilly:Yeah. He's been in a car accident. He's at Saint Anthony's hospital. Everything's No, I understand. You've got that important thing. Okay. Oh, of course I'll tell him you love him. Okay. Suit up! He is always saying stuff like that!
Ted:He hung up, didn't he?
Ted:See, I told you. We're not friends anymore.
Barney:My best friend need me!
Man:What did he say?
Barney:A hundred and thir What? You Ah, come on! I'm coming, Ted.