Jeff: Marshall, Jeff Coatsworth.
Jeff: Dude, I am so, so psyched that you're here. Can I beer you?
Narator: Marshall was thrown. This guy seemed nice. Of course he wasn't.
Jeff: Go to hell. I'd do it again. I'm innocent. I'm innocent.
Jeff: Marshall. You wanna work at Nicholson, Hewitt and West.
Marshall: Right. OK, Jeff, I've actually given this a lot of thought...
Jeff: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, stop. I can't do this with a straight face. You don't wanna work here. You're only here because your dad went to high school with Joe Hewitt. Fact is, you just got a sweet job at the NRDC. And it's awesome. Man, I could have gone the nonprofit route. I didn't. And it eats me up inside every day. I hate myself. I hate myself.
It's been eating me up inside. そのことがずっと気になっているんだ
Barney: Oh, he's good. Classic seduction technique.
Marshall: What do you mean?
Barney: Oh, I use it all the time. First, I buy her, and by her, I mean you, a drink. Now I'm the guy who gets her what she wants. Then I pretend to care about whatever idiotic thing she cares about. For you that would be the environment. Now, I'm the great guy who shares her interests. And before you know it, you're naked in my apartment, shouting "oh-oh, Bar-ar-ney-ey-ey!" And by you, I mean her.
Marshall: He is not trying to seduce me. He didn't even offer me the job.
Barney: That comes later, at dinner. He did invite you to dinner, didn't he?
Jeff: Let me buy you dinner, tomorrow night, as a thank you. OK? You'll tell me all about the NRDC and we'll charge it all to one of my evil clients.
Marshall: I, you know, I don't know...
Jeff: You know what Kobe beef is?
Marshall: The most expensive beef in the world.
Jeff: The place I'm taking you has Kobe lobster. That is lobster fed with Kobe beef.
Marshall: Oh my God, he's trying to seduce me.
Robin: So, are you gonna go to dinner with him?
Marshall: No, no way, I promised myself to the NRDC. I'm not that kind of lawyer.
Lily: Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna take the job, but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal.
Barney: Don't wait up.
Robin: Guy, guys, guys, check this out. Ted Mosby, porn star's bio says his hometown is your hometown, Shaker Heights, Ohio.
Ted: What? OK, this is getting creepy. Who is this guy? I've gotta find him.
Robin: Well, it's your lucky day. He's gonna be signing autographs tomorrow night in Manhattan at something called the Adult Video Expo.
Lily: Wait, are you telling me that they actually have conventions for porn?
Barney: Affirmative. Or to put it another way, God bless America.
Marshall: You can really taste the beef in that lobster.
Jeff: Right? Listen, I know we're only here to screw over my client, who quite frankly deserves it, but I gotta be able to tell the guys upstairs that I gave you the spiel, OK? So first off, starting salary.
Marshall: Here we go. This is a big number that's supposed to impress me.
Marshall: Wow. That is a big number.
Jeff: There's also a signing bonus, use of a company car, expense account, blah blah blah. Hey, by the way, turn around and wave to Patrick Swayze.
Marshall: I'm gonna, uh, try to remain cool, but, you know Patrick Swayze?
Jeff: He's a client. Who do you think bought us this wine?
Jeff: Crazy Swayze! Cheers, buddy.
Marshall: OK, no, Jeff, this is all pretty impressive. But I just don't think ...
Jeff: I know, I know. You're not gonna be tempted by big numbers and fancy perks. You're gonna do the noble thing, take the low-paying job at the NRDC, live off the family money.
perk を元気づける live off 〜のすねをかじる
Marshall: Family money?
Jeff: You do have family money, don't you?
Marshall: No, um, not that I know of. I do have an uncle who owns a pretty successful bake shop.
Jeff: NRDC. No family money. Oh. So you don't plan on having kids?
Marshall: Actually, I wanna have four kids.
Jeff: Well, New York public schools make a lot of parents nervous, but the kids who walk out, walk out proud.
Narator: It was turning into a tough decision.
Narator: Now, kids, when I'm facing a tough decision, I like to get out the old yellow legal pad and make a list of pros and cons. Marshall knew all the cons.
pros and cons 賛否両論
Narator: But there's one thing he didn't know, a big item in the pros column.
Robin: Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher.
Narator: 'Cause robin was about to ask Lily the one question.
Robin: And you make a kindergarten teacher's salary, right?
Narator: That Lily had been dreading for years.
Robin: How do you afford all of these expensive clothes?
Lily: I shop the sales.
Lily: They were in the closet when we moved in. I steal. I'm a criminal. I once shot a man just to watch him die.
Narator: That's when Lily showed Robin her box of shame.
Robin: Lily, this is nuts. How many credit cards do you have?
Lily: I don't know.
Robin: Well, how much do you owe?
Lily: I don't know.
Ted: Wow. I can't believe this many people love porn this much. Including a guy who works at human resources at my firm.
Ted: Hey. Let's just wave at each other awkwardly, that'll make it better. Dude, come on, let's just find bizarro me and get out of here.
Barney: Oh, oh, I get it. Ted Mosby, non-porn-star, thinks this is all crude and disgusting. You know who else was considered crude and disgusting? Shakespeare. But his themes ?love, lust, forbidden desire ?were universal, which is why his work stood the test of time, and so will all this. 400 years from now, some high school drama class will be doing a plucky spirited production of Beef Party Seven.
crude 下品な disgusting 非常に不快な
Robin: Oh my God, Lily,that is a lot of debt. How did you get yourself into this situation?
Lily: I don't know what it is. When I feel down about something, I shop.
Shopgirl: Ma'am, is everything OK?
Lily: Oh, I just had a huge fight with my mother. She doesn't understand me at all.
Lily: I swore that teaching would be a way to support my painting career, but I never paint anymore.
Lily: I just got a huge credit card bill.
Robin: Does Marshall know?
Robin: But you guys are the couple who tell each other everything. And for God's sake, Lily, you text him when he's on the can.
Lily: Well, I just want him to know I'm rotting for him.
Robin: Wait, this all makes sense. So when you said...
Lily: But you're still gonna go to your job interview today, right, baby?
Robin: And then...
Lily: No, you should go. I mean, you're not gonna take the job but you might as well get a great meal out of the deal.
Robin: You were pushing him into taking that high-paying corporate job.
Lily: I know. It's terrible that I was trying to get him to do that.
Robin: Terrible? He has to take it. How else are you gonna pay off that debt? Lily, you have to tell him about this before he turns down that job.
Lily: You're right. I feel awful. You know, there's a sale...
Robin: We're not going shopping.