Mm,two of hearts.Just like the hearts of the two children I never had because my lovely wife hates kids.
Mm,a deuce.Exactly what my career dropped once I decided to settle down and marry Ted.Bridge! I win.
Well,I do not like that scenario one bit.
All I tried to do was get you guys to talk about your issues.I didn't know I was feeding you the words that would lead to your breakup.
Hey,here's a fun question, just for fun.Where do you see yourself in five years?
You know what's fun? Fun questions.Where do you see yourself in five years?
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Where do you see yourself?
Not to put words in your mouth, but you probably want to be married.
I probably want to be married.
You probably want to be in Tokyo or Paris.
I probably want to be in Argentina.
Or Tokyo or Paris.
We have an expiration date, don't we?
Lily,you can't manipulate people like that! I I've known you 12 years, and I can honestly say, I have never been more furious at you!
manipulate 巧みに扱う furious at 〜に激怒する
Look,I didn't mean to I was just
No! I don't even want to hear it!
Settle down! Let's just settle down! Now,I have one question.What do these bad boys feel like in bed?
Come on.Let's go see.
So,if it weren't for you, Ted and I might still be dating?
Or you would have stayed together far too long, had an incredibly bitter breakup and not even remained friends, and then you and I would never have become best friends.
Don't even say that.Okay?
Stop hugging! Lily,you had no right to interfere in my relationships.You got lucky.Okay? You met the love of your life in a dorm hallway when you were 18.But that doesn't give you the right to play God to the rest of us mortals down here who are still looking for someone.You're so concerned about who you and Marshall are gonna end up on that front porch with.Well,you know what? You can have it to yourselves.
What happened to your jacket?
Oh,soot,bread crumbs, placenta.Did you at least TiVo it?
So you're this comfy every night, and Lily still has sex with you?
Yeah.That's what marriage is all about,man,unconditional love.You can wear whatever you want and still get laid.
Tell me more about being married.
Well,sometimes, when you're married, you wake up to the smell of breakfast already on the table.
And coffee,too.Sometimes,she'll even put out a vase of freshly cut flowers.
I love flowers.And sometimes, when you're worried you've made all the wrong decisions in life and you're not nearly the man you want to be, what does she do then?
Well, she tells you that you're great and it's all gonna be okay.
That's wonderful.And she'll help you find other girls to have sex with?
I mean,I guess.Maybe if you agreed upon that beforehand,yeah.Little guy had a big day.We'll talk about it tomorrow.Sweet dreams,slugger.
The next night,I was still angry at your aunt Lily.Until
What are you
Lily came by and explained everything.And she gave me this note for you.
Ted,I'm sorry.It doesn't matter to me who you marry.I know they'll be awesome because they'll think you are.To show I mean it,I put together a little surprise "for you and Karen upstairs.Love,Lily.
P.S.Sorry the envelope was already open.I had to read what she wrote.Marshall.
Sabotaging our relationship? I got to say,even using the specially-ordered extra-low bar by which I judge your friends, Lily really outdid herself this time.Obviously,we can't ever see her again.I know.It's a big loss,right?
outdo oneself 新しい境地に達する
Hey,rember your old college roommate? He was married to that shrill little idiot girl.
Marshall.Oh,it's been so long.
God,I hated him.Anyway,here's his obituary.
And I realized, maybe it shouldn't matter what my friends think of my girlfriend, but it sure as hell matters what my girlfriend thinks of my friends.
So you ended it?
Yeah.So if you want to be my plus one, Lily's a damn good cook.
Beef pot pie, mac and cheese, homemade buttermilk biscuits.
Well, no wonder Marshall dies at 68.
So,Robin and I enjoyed a gourmet dinner.Well,for her it was breakfast.And we ended up doing exactly what Lily wanted us to do all along: we talked about our relationship.
So,Lily broke us up,sort of.
Kind of makes you wonder.
I mean,if it weren't for her, would we still be dating right now?
Maybe.But Lily was right.We weren't ready.We both need to move on, do our own thing.Still do,I guess.
We should make a pact.If the years go by, and we both turn 40, and we're still single
make a pact 〜と契約を結ぶ
Robin Scherbatsky will you be my backup wife?
A girl always dreams of hearing those words.Yes! Yes! A million times,yes!
All right,it's a deal.
So,should we set up some ground rules for this?
I don't know.Like neither one of us can get super fat.Stuff like that.
Okay,I only have one: you can't wear a nightshirt.
I will never wear a nightshirt.