Kids, you never know when you're about to meet someone really important.It's not like life gives you a warning.You just look up and there they are.
Come on, we're going to go get trashed on the roof.
get trashed けなされる
No, not that dude.Her.
I'm good, Boomer.
My name's not Boomer.
Oh, in my head, it is.
Gentlemen, I'm a faculty member, and you're underage, so it's my duty to confiscate this and this and Hard lemonade? You know what, Boomer? You can keep that.
faculty 教授陣 confiscate 没収する
I swear, every week I get asked by some frat guy to a kegger, and I say, I'm a PhD candidate writing a dissertation entitled 'Foreign Direct Investment 'and Intergenerational Linkages in Consumption Behavior.'
frat guy 男子学生の社交クラブ kegger ビールパーティー dissertation 論文
And what does frat guy say to that?
Actually, that is kind of hot.
Ted, I have a confession.
I recognize you.Do you remember the first day of classes last semester? Econ 305?
Kids, you remember the wrong classroom story.I thought I was in Architecture 101, but it was Econ 305.Of course, what I didn't know was that your mother was somewhere in that class, and she thought I was a complete idiot.
I thought you were a complete idiot.But a very cute idiot.
So, um, do you ever date cute idiots?
Almost exclusively ほぼ例外なく
She's a PhD candidate.She reads philosophy for fun.She does the Sunday crossword every week and finishes it.
Wow.Ted, I am so happy for you.Sorry, not for you, happy I'm not you.
Long story short, I have a date tonight.
Thanks, New York, I'll try not to screw it up.
What's going on? There's a huge line outside MacLaren's.
And why is it almost entirely dudes?
Only two things could cause that kind of commotion.
Boobs.Ladies and gentlemen, MacLaren's has hired a hot bartender.
Look at all these guys.Oh, the sidewalk's going to smell like pee-pee now.
Well, we'd better start looking for a new bar.
What, are you What Are you crazy? It is a hot bartender.Do you know how long I have been waiting to land a My friends, I have been with many women in my day.Lawyers, teachers, poets, doctors, professional equestrians, amateur equestrians, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker Yes, we're to the rhyming section now.A math professor, a tax assessor, a weight guesser.A puppeteer, a blackjack dealer, a stay-at-home mom That's a job, too, guys.A circuit court judge
Get to the point!
I have never, ever scored a hot bartender.Until tonight.
She's really not that hot.
Oh, is someone jealous of all the attention? Did somebody fancy herself the hottest girl in the bar?
Gosh, no.Shut up!
All right, wish me luck.
It's never going to happen.Barney, she's just going to pretend to like you the same way she hypnotized all these geniuses.
Yeah, but guess who's not going to fall under her spell? I'm gonna be all, Drop the act, baby doll.Daddy needs a gin and tonic. Then when she brings it, I'll just spit it out and say, Try again. Boom! Alpha dog is right where he belongs, on top.Then after a few minutes, on the bottom.Why should I do all the work?
Hey, guys, what's happening?
New super-hot bartender.
Oh, yeah? Eh.
Ha! See? Marshall doesn't think she's hot either.
Yes, he does.Baby, you don't have to pretend other women aren't attractive just for my sake.
for one's sake に免じて
I know, and if that woman were anywhere near as hot as the woman I'm married to, then I'd admit it.But she's not.
Baby, you're so sweet, but compared to that woman, I am a big bag of three-day-old garbage.
Well, I call 'em like I see 'em, and I just think you're the most beautiful woman in the world.
See, that's just annoying.
Oh, my God, you are so funny.That'll be $6.75.
Here's a 50, keep the change.
What do you want?
Drop the act, baby doll Wait, what?
Are you gonna order a drink or are you just gonna stand there looking stupid?
I don't know how to make an um.Is that equal parts vodka and get-the-hell-out-of-my-face? Hey, Bobby!
get out of someone's face 邪魔をするのを辞める
Later that night, I embarked upon a very important first date.
embark upon 乗り出す
How are you?
It's funny.Sometimes you walk into a place you've never been before
Just one sec.
But you get the feeling you're exactly where you're supposed to be.And, kids, that's the first time I ever saw your mother's little yellow bus.You know the one.It's right behind you.
Hey, this is cute.
Actually, it's my roommate's.
So, there I was, kids, standing in your mother's apartment.Never mind the fact that I was on a date with her roommate, Cindy.
Sorry, I shouldn't be messing with your roommate's stuff.What's she like?
I didn't know it, but I was about to hear the very first description of the woman I'd one day marry.
She's a whore.I think she's a dominatrix.
Okay, I'm sorry, none of that is true.I have a bit of a roommate complex.
Guys are always falling in love with her.
Hey, hey, look at me.I promise you I am not going to fall in love with your roommate.
Okay, now that you've had a closer look, admit it.That bartender is the hottest woman in this bar.
I repeat Eh.
Baby, how could you not want to hit that? I want to hit that.If you don't want to hit that, I'm sorry, but you might be gay.
Hell, yeah, I'm gay.Gay for you.
Whatever.Did you find out why I'm the one guy in this entire bar she seems to despise?
I did, um, you're not going to like the answer.
My last three boyfriends were Wall Street guys.Bastards.So, I vowed never again to date a guy who wears suits.
Huh! Okay, well, that's easy.All I have to do is stop wearing suits.
Oh, that's all, Barney? Come on, you're never not in a suit.
True.But for those I mean, for that I mean, for her, I will stop wearing Wait for it.
We know you're going to say suits.