ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"It's my life.I call the shots."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“4yŒ´‘čzThe Front Porch

2009, I'd been dating my high school girlfriend Karen for a few weeks.My friends couldn't have been happier about it.

Hey,everybody.

Hello.

Sorry,we,uh, we can't stay long.

What a shame!

That is sad!

Hey,are those real diamond earrings?

Yes.Yes,they are.Thank you.

I didn't say I liked them.

Oh,well,I got a great deal on them,so

Cool.I'm sure all the exploited diamond miners in Sierra Leone would give you a high-five if they still had all their fingers.But really pretty.Meet me upstairs.

exploit •s–@‚É miner ’Yzě‹Ćˆő

They only need one finger to give her what I'm thinking.

Yeah.Ted, Karen's a douche.

Thanks for sugarcoating it.

"Douche"is sugarcoating it.

Uh,okay, believe it or not,my friends do not get a vote on who I date.It's my life.I call the shots.

call the shots Žx”z‚ˇ‚é

Ted,now!

Yeah,coming!

I don't know what Ted sees in that horrible woman.I mean,yeah, she's got boobs, but well, I guess I get it.

I think it's 'cause they met in high school.She was his first real girlfriend.

We look at Karen and see a jerk.Ted looks at Karen and sees the first person to touch his wiener besides himself, his mom,and his pediatrician.

pediatrician ŹŽ™‰Čˆă

Okay,well,it's almost 2:00 A.M.I better get ready for work.

How can they call that thing you're on a "morning show"? middle of the night.I don't see how you do it.

It's been almost a month.I'm used to it.Plus the show's not half bad,right?

Totally.

I've never seen it.

Have you guys ever watched it?

Of course!

I've never seen it.

Really? What is your favorite segment?

Weather.

I've never seen it.

You guys have never seen my show.

Sorry.

It's true.That's what I've been saying.

Okay,yes,it's dull and generic and we get spanked in the ratings by that Korean channel that only shows Kim Jong Il riding a horse, but guys,it would mean so much to me if just once I knew my friends were out there watching.

dull ‚‚܂ç‚Č‚˘

I'll tell you what.This Friday morning, everyone can come to our place 3:30 A.M.We'll all put on PJs.We'll watch Robin's show.

Aw,you guys are the best.

We just want to support you.

I just want to go to sleep!

I hate Robin for not being more successful.

Hey,guys.Sad announcement: Karen broke up with me.Go ahead.

I knew you were listening! Yes!

Hey,hey, we shouldn't be celebrating.Ted's just been through a bad breakup.Look,buddy,tell us everything.Tell us what happened.Seriously,spare no details.What did she say? What did you say? How did it feel? If you were to do it again, all over,would you maybe

How did it happen?

It was the stupidest thing.I mean,we were just hanging out, you know,being funny

You're the fan of 2002 Chiantis.

Ew,no,you're the fan of 2002 Chiantis.Wait.What is this?

Looks like one of Robin's earrings.That's weird.You're the fan

How did it get in your bed?

I don't know.

Have you been sleeping with Robin?

What? No,of course not! It,it probably got mixed in with the laundry or something.

Why should I believe you?

Um,maybe because I've always been faithful to you while you've cheated on me, like,six times,bitch.

Oh,snap!

Cold-blooded!

Right? Right? I totally should have said that.

Why should I believe you?

Um,maybe because I've always been faithful to you while you ... I love you

I knew this was a mistake.That's it.It's over.

And that was it.She left.

What a story.So brave of you to share that.

Wait.Those are your pajamas? You sleep in a pajama suit?

Of course.What do you think I sleep in?

A coffin.

coffin ‚Ђ‚Ź

Dude,that doesn't look comfortable at all.You're wearing a tie.

First of all, it's a sleeping cravat.Second,it's not about comfort.It's about looking good all the time.

cravat ƒlƒbƒNƒEƒFƒA

Why do you have to look good all the time?

Marshall,let me tell you a little story about something that happened a couple months back.

We were just having a "Who's hornier" contest and we spilled massage oil all over ourselves.

spill ‚ą‚Ú‚ˇ

Nice pajamas.

Can we use your shower?

That's not a memory.That's from a porn movie.

Not just any movie.That's the exact scene from Never mind.

The point is it could happen.And if it did,and I didn't look my absolute best for those greasy sluts, I'd regret it forever.

I'm sorry,dude, but that is just the most ridiculous sleeping attire I've ever seen in my life.Anyway

attire ˆß‘•

Marshall's wearing a nightgown! Marshall's wearing a nightgown! Hey,guys,you know how in the future we're always saying "Remember when Marshall wore a nightgown"? This is that time!

It's a nightshirt.

You can call it a Ninja Star Danger Jock if you want.Doesn't make you any less of a cross-dresser.

Whatever,dude.It's comfy.

So,flying to Neverland with Peter and Tink, was that amazing? Ooh,let me go next! Was it nice to finally get out of that crowded bed and take Charlie to the chocolate factory? Ooh,me,me,me,me! Um,something about Scrooge! Come on,guys.I'm carrying the team.

I don't know.I lived with Marshall for 12 years.Any time he's wearing clothes at all,it's a victory.

Ted,show's about to start!

Be right there!

Good morning,New York.I'm Robin

Marshall,I just found Robin's earring on your dresser.Did you have something to do with the other one being in my bed?

What are you talking about?

You've always hated Karen.You've been telling me to break up with her.You did it.You-you put the earring in my bed so that Karen would find it.

No,Ted,No! I would never

Admit it!

There's nothing to admit!

Then why was Robin's earring on your dresser?

He was accessorizing!

Marshall,I swear to God,if you don't tell me the truth right now

Wait! Marshall didn't do it.I did.I broke you and Karen up.

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