ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"He's waiting on her hand and foot."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzDesperation Day

Narator: My first kiss with Zoey was amazing, and complicated.

Ted: Look, um... I know you're going through a lot right now. Getting divorced, being single, figuring out who you are on your own.

Zoey: Someone knows how to set a mood.

Ted: I just mean... I'm okay taking this slow. I want to do this right.

Narator: My friends, as usual, were completely supportive.

Barney: You're doing this all wrong!

Lily: Ted, there are couples in my kindergarten class who have moved faster than you two. Granted, their home lives are not great.

granted Šm‚Š‚É home lives ‰Ć’ë

Ted: Hey, I'm trying. I keep suggesting these big, romantic dates, and she keeps putting on the brakes. Like tonight, she wants me to just come over and bake cookies.

put on the brakes ƒuƒŒ[ƒL‚đ“Ľ‚Ţ

Robin: Oh. Translation: booty-call.

Barney: Total booty-call.

Lily: Private Booty, reporting for duty.

report for duty o‹Î‚ˇ‚é

Ted: That's crazy. She-She wants to bake.

Robin: Guys booty-call girls after 2:00 a.m. with a drunkenly slurred, "What ya doing?" But when a lady booty-calls a guy, she invents a respectable excuse to mask the fact that she wants to get stuck real good.

drunkenly slurred ‚ë‚ę‚‚ނ܂í‚ç‚Č‚˘

Lily: It's called class, Ted.

Ted: Wait. That... You think that's what she means by "baking cookies"?

Lily: Are you kidding? You're in the kitchen, it's getting hot, you start licking stuff off each others' fingers. Before you know it, she's bent over the marble island, and you're spanking her with a rubber spatula. And she's screaming, "Stop, Marshall, stop," but that's just code for "harder!"

spatula ƒtƒ‰ƒC•Ô‚ľ

Ted: Marshall's been in Minnesota a while, huh?

Lily: So long! And now he's staying even longer. His mom has been having a really hard time since the funeral. He's waiting on her hand and foot. But... it's Valentine's Day. It's not going to be the same without the two of us watching Predator together.

wait on someone hand and foot g‚̉ń‚č‚̐˘˜b‚đ‚ˇ‚é

Narator: I should explain. On their very first Valentine's Day, Marshall and Lily set out to watch Sleepless in Seattle.

set out to ‚ľ‚悤‚ĆŽŽ‚Ý‚é

Marshall: You know, I saw this in the theater, like, five times, but I never got to see it with the right girl.

Lily: I'm so glad none of those girls were right for you.

Marshall: What girls?

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER: If it bleeds, we can kill it.

Narator: Except Marshall's brothers had taped over it with Predator. And it became a tradition.

Barney: Wow, you sound really lonely.

Lily: I am. Earlier today, I burst into tears...

Barney: Shh. Daddy's talking now. Loneliness. The looming specter of Valentine's Day fast approaching. The two key ingredients to my favorite day of the year, February 13: Desperation Day.

looming ‚¨‚Ú‚ë‚°‚Č ingredient —vˆö Desperation ŽŠ–\ŽŠŠü‚Ě

Robin: That's not a thing.

Barney: It's a thing. Much like Valentine's Day itself, Desperation Day dates back thousands of years. Weddings were forbidden under ancient Roman law, so Saint Valentine performed them in secret, under threat of death.

Ted: That's actually true.

Barney: Wait, there's more.

Ted: This won't be.

Barney: And right by Saint Valentine's side was his best bro, Saint Desperatius, there to pick off insecure bridesmaids.

Saint Desperatius: Whoa. Check out that one. Her body is a perfect X.

Saint Valentine: Player, play on. High V.

Woman: Oh, Jupiter, what are your plans for me? 15 and still unmarried.

Saint Desperatius: And I thought Pompeii was smokin'.

Barney: Every woman wants a date on Valentine's Day. That neediness reaches its climax... what up... on February 13. A magical night when a ten has the self-esteem of a four and the depraved enthusiasm of a two. Now, there's only one thing you can't do.

Robin: Please say "widows."

Barney: Wherever you are, or whoever you're under, you must get home alone by 11:59 p.m. Otherwise, you're on a date on Valentine's Day.

Robin: Barney, Desperation Day assumes that all single women freak out about Valentine's Day. Which we do not. Case in point, I will be spending February 13 with some lovely single ladies from work...

Barney: Trolls.

Robin: ...who could care less about Valentine's Day.

Barney: Lying trolls.

Robin: And we will be celebrating the fact that we don't have to spend it with some dippy guy carting around roses and stuffed toys all night. Oh, no offense, Ted.

dippy ‚΂Š‚°‚˝

Ted: And none was taken until just then.

Lily: I decided to go to Minnesota to see Marshall. He shouldn't have to help his mom through this rough time all by himself.

Barney: You losing your mind, being alone in your apartment?

Lily: I'm getting weird!

Lily: See, it started off with me throwing Marshall's jersey on my body pillow. And, well, things kind of spiraled from there. I'm sorry I yelled like that before.

Lily: I call him "Marshpillow." And he calls me... nothing because he's a pillow.

Robin: Hey. How was "baking cookies" last night?

Narator: That was a tough question. You see...

Zoey: Uh... Is that an overnight bag?

Lily: You brought an overnight bag?

Ted: You guys said I was definitely going to spend the night.

Barney: We said you were going to have sex. We didn't say, "Bring a carry-on."

Robin: So how did Zoey react?

Ted: She thought it was presumptuous and asked me to leave. It's-It's not like I brought a ton of stuff.

presumptuous Œú‚Š‚Ü‚ľ‚˘

Robin: Were there slippers for the morning?

Ted: Not slippers, exactly. They're called British morning socks.

Judy: This is such a nice surprise. Marshall will be so happy.

Lily: How are you holding up, Judy?

Judy: Oh, I'm doin' okay. It gets a little lonely. My friends suggested a body pillow, but...I'm not a lunatic.

lunatic S_‘rŽ¸ŽŇ

Marshall: Hey, Mom? I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was Hot Pocket o'clock, like, ten minutes ago. Lily. What are you doing here?

Lily: I wanted to surprise you.

Marshall: Oh, my gosh. That's so sweet. I'm so glad you're here. Hey, um, before I forget, Mom, did you remember to get more double-A batteries?

Judy: Oh, they're upstairs, sweetie. Right next to your washed and folded clothes.

Marshall: Oh, great, okay. I don't want my Game Boy to crap out. I'm having the sickest Dr. Mario run of my life. Okay. I'll be right back. I love you, Lily. Okay. You're the best, Mom.

Judy: Aw... Anything for my baby bear. Get him out of my house. Take Marshall back to New York with you. Please, I am begging you.

Lily: I thought he was here helping you.

Judy: Well, he was, at first. But once he saw me starting to do better, he kind of regressed. He's been holed up in his room for days at a time, playing old video games. I mean, he is having a pretty sick Dr. Mario run, but...

regress ‘ލs‚ˇ‚é

Lily: Uh, I'll talk to him.

Judy: I want to be there for him, but it's like he's a teenager again. I even walked in on him abusing himself.

abuse ‹s‘Ň‚ˇ‚é

Lily: Oh, God.

Judy: There he was, on the bed, looking at old photos of his dad. That's emotional self-abuse, don't you think?

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