ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Why are you getting so worked up about this?"

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“9yŒ´‘čzThe Rehearsal Dinner

Which brings us to earlier today, when Robin was setting up the decoy rehearsal dinner, complete with fake booze.

decoy ‚¨‚Ć‚č

Trying to pass this off as Scotch, and we all know it's apple juice.

No.

Typical apple juice burn.

burn ‰ÎĆ‚č

Yes, Barney, the booze is real. The food is real. Ooh, speaking of which, where are the bacon-wrapped figs?

Probably at... ...the laser tag place, where the real rehearsal dinner's going down. Isn't that right, Theodore?

Barney, there is no laser tag. We're gonna have a nice dinner, some drinks, and then, according to Robin, if her Aunt Edith gets drunk enough, she'll take off her wig and they'll play hockey with it.

Poppycock! You know how she's gonna do it, and you're gonna tell me! Or do I have to get my face even closer to yours?

Poppycock ‚˝‚팞

Hey. How come you're not getting uncomfortably close to my face? I could be in on it, too.

'Course you could, Lil.

I can keep a secret.

Lily, don't make me laugh.

I'd trust you with a secret as much as I'd trust Marshall with Pop Secret.

I can keep a secret! I can keep a secret real good. I can keep a secret like nobody's business, 'cause it is nobody's business. 'Cause it's a secret, and I'm keeping it!

Does Marshall shave his back?

No, I shave it for him. Damn it!

Ooh! I should call Marshall. I bet he's in on this. If he really exists.

Okay. Setting aside the fact that I've kept your whole moving to Chicago thing a secret, aren't you supposed to be dressed like Liberace right now?

Okay, first of all, if I showed up in costume, it would steal from the surprise and spectacle of my grand entrance. And second of all, I'm not doing that.

Why not?

Because dressing like Liberace is easy, but...

Uh, yes, 4/4, E-sharp... major... Okay. Let's make something beautiful, shall we? I think that's enough for today.

Okay, I figured out how this is gonna go down. We're gonna run out of ice, and Robin's gonna ask me to go get some, and lo and behold, the only place that sells ice in this whole town is right next to the local laser taggery. I go inside and... Surprise! Beautiful dinner, family and friends, free game tokens and an off-road arcade game that's rigged for unlimited turbos!

lo and behold ‹Á‚­‚Č‚Š‚ę rigged •sł‚É

That is the single stupidest...

Guys, you aren't gonna believe this. The ice machine is broken.

Is it now? Well, dog my cats, what are the chances? Huh? What do we do? Well, I guess I could go get some ice.

Uh, no, they'll send someone.

All right, fine. Twist my arm. I'll do it. But seriously, Hmm? did you get everything set up over there? Do you have enough food, have enough guns? Did you get a vest extender for Grandma Stinson? She's...

What are you talking about?

Oh, babe, you're so good at this. I love it. All right, I'll see you guys over there. I mean, be right back.

Barney, Barney, this is our rehearsal dinner, okay? Do not leave the premises. Promise me you're not going anywhere.

premise •~’n

Fine.

Say it. Say you promise you won't leave.

I promise I won't leave.

So I left. And what do you know, the ice store is right next to a laser tag place!

No, it isn't! It's six miles away in the opposite direction. And I told you not to go!

Yeah, well, you also told me didn't want a ring bear at the wedding.

Ring bear-er!

We all know how great that's gonna be. The point is, I played along with her plan, and I acted natural so I wouldn't spoil the surprise.

Oh, my goodness! Laser tag?!Maybe I should go in here for a minute, just check it out for no apparent reason. And what's this? My hands-free token satchel? And my free lifetime refill root beer mug?

So for the past two months when we were letting you use our apartment to practice the piano every Sunday night, what were you doing?

Oh, so that's not traveling cause he's the MVP? Come on!

Where's Barney? Has anyone seen him?

Robin, Ted's totally bailing on playing the piano for you and Barney.

bail on ŒŠŽĚ‚Ä‚é

Oh, really? Ted, you didn't have to not do that. But thank you.

But he promised! A promise is a promise. You can't say you're gonna do something and then suddenly do something completely different!

Why are you getting so worked up about this?

work up ƒCƒ‰ƒCƒ‰‚ˇ‚é

Because, obviously, I'm worked up for a different but somewhat similar reason.

And someone should ask me about it!

I'm sorry.

I don't have time for your drama right now, Lily. My fiance is missing.

Marshall got picked to be a judge. He took the job without even asking me. Italy's off!

I have time for your drama.

So, Marshall can't go to Italy?

Not if he wants to be a judge. And my Italian was getting so good. It was so.

But wait, you guys already sublet the apartment. You're already packed. Marshall already borrowed and lost my Rosetta Stone. That selfish bastard!

sublet •s“ŽŽY‚ɏo‚ˇ

Sorry, Lil. Hello.

Okay, I'm mad, too.

I should hope so. All of a sudden, his dream is more important than yours? And he did it behind your back. Bastardo!

He would never hurt me intentionally.

I'll hurt him intentionally. Molto bastardo!

That's sweet of you to say. You could never take Marshall in a million years, but that's sweet of you to say.

Well, apparently, Barney went to the laser tag place looking for a surprise rehearsal dinner. When he didn't find one, he threatened to dunk the snack bar guy's head into a vat of scalding nacho Whiz. He's being held until the police arrive. I need your apple juice. Ha!

vat ƒ^ƒ“ƒN scalding ‚â‚Ż‚Ç‚ˇ‚é‚Ů‚Ç”M‚˘

And here we are. Now, I believe this charade has gone on long enough. Can we please get to the surprise laser tag rehearsal?

Hey, there is no surprise laser tag rehearsal dinner!

Okay, but if I may offer an opposing view. Of course there is! This place is lousy with clues. Is he even really a security guard? Because he looks an awful lot like a non-Pakistani version of the guy who delivers sandwiches at my office. Also... laser tag has the same number of letters as rehearsal.

Laser tag has eight, rehearsal has nine.

And if you rearrange the letters and add some other ones, it says, Get ready, Barney, for the biggest surprise ever, you handsome son of a... and then not quite enough letters for bitch, but good try, Robin.

This is crazy, Barney. We-We can't have a marriage like this. A marriage has to be built on honesty and trust and all of that Lily-and-Marshall crap.

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