ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Right down to taking credit for this locket."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“9yŒ´‘čzThe End of the Aisle

Ted, I can't believe how much trouble you went through to get this for me.

It really wasn't that much trouble.

Yes, it was. You always go big for me.

Not as big as Barney. Canadian rehearsal dinner on ice-- big. The way he proposed-- huge.

Yeah, but think about it. Those are the most loving things that Barney has ever done for me, and they're all based on lies. Right down to taking credit for this locket.

take credit for Žč•ż‚É‚ˇ‚é

That's not fair. I told Barney to take credit for it.

Which he did without blinking an eye. Because lying is second nature to Barney. Everything's legendary. You know what legendary means? Not real. I mean, the man's initials are B.S.

If it helps, I'm pretty sure Barney Stinson's a fake name. I'm kidding.

You're the one who always comes through for me, Ted. The one who's there for me. Maybe I'm making a mistake.

Wait. What-what are you saying?

Maybe I should be marrying you.

Wait. I know one vow we kept.

I vow to make you breakfast in bed every Sunday morning.

Really?

You still do that?

Absolutely.

Heads up!

Oh! No cream cheese?

Oh! You feed her like Sloth from Goonies. So the magic's still there. Well, here's one you definitely didn't keep.

I vow to keep the romantic spark alive.

And how is that going for you these days?

Are you watching Marvin? I'm trimming my nose hair.

I'm dumping out.

I watched him all morning, Lily. I need a break.

I don't control when my deuces happen, Marshall. Deuces are wild!

Ted, I should be with you.

There it was-- the words that some deep, dark part of me always wanted to hear. But it's funny. Once you actually hear those words out loud...

I don't want to hear that.

We should get out of here. You and me right now. We'll... We'll move to Chicago. W-We'll start a new life. It'll-it'll be painful at first, but, hell, I can root for the Blackhawks.

root for ‰ž‰‡‚ˇ‚é

Stop! Stop! You're just saying this because you're scared. I am not your future. Barney is.

Shouldn't I be with the guy who finds me my locket? The guy who steals me the blue French horn. I mean, look me in the eye and tell me, why shouldn't I be with that guy?

Because I'm not that guy anymore.

Then why did you work so hard to find me my locket?

It... it was a wedding gift.

Ted, stop it, okay? I know you better than that. This is more than a wedding gift.

Maybe it started out that way. Maybe some part of me thought...

That you still loved me.

Maybe. But the truth is... I don't love you like that anymore. And you don't love me. You love Barney. And if you think I would ever be part of screwing that up, then maybe you don't know me at all, Robin.

I... I can't shake it. I-I can't shake this feeling that nothing about me and Barney makes any sense.

But love doesn't make sense. I mean, you can't logic your way into or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical, but we have to keep doing it or else we're lost and-and love is dead and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do. Look, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's-it's just true. You love Barney, and-and he loves you. And that doesn't have to make sense to make sense.

Remember back when you had never even seen me pee?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, sorry.

We were so innocent then.

So many dreams.

Trying to work over here.

Bright, shimmering future ahead.

shimmering ƒLƒ‰ƒLƒ‰Œő‚é

Now we're basically a couple of wild animals grunting at each other to throw some toilet paper through the crack in the bathroom door.

grunt ’á‚­‚¤‚Č‚é

Baby, let's be honest. At this point, that door is wide open.

You know what you should use the next time you run out of toilet paper? Your wedding vows. 'Cause that's all your marriage has been, one long six-year wipe after that double-flusher of a wedding. Stinson out!

You okay?

Yeah. You're right. I'm-I'm being insane.

Oh, come on, Robin. That's... accurate.

accurate ŠÔˆá‚˘‚Ě‚Č‚˘

We can't run away together.

Of course not.

So I'm just gonna run away alone!

Whoa!

And that's how Robin met your mother.

Wait, what are we doing here?

Lily, our-our wedding vows, maybe they were just too perfect for real life. Real life is messier than that, and... we're different people than we were in 2007. But that's okay. Maybe we just need some updated vows. So I thought maybe before this place gets too busy, we could... borrow this altar for a minute. Lily Aldrin, I vow to stop shouting stuff at you when you're dumping out. You're the love of my life, and you deserve to make a deuce in peace. I vow to stop pointing out every dog erection we see when we walk through the park, even though they are incredibly weird looking.

Oh, just don't point and scream Maybe it's Maybelline. Marshall Eriksen, I vow to always tell you when you have green stuff in your teeth. You have green stuff in your teeth.

Oh. I vow to always sit next to you and hug you, even if you're covered in vomit, whether it's yours or Marvin's or... in the case of what came to be known as Spew Year's Eve 1998-- my own. Sorry.

I vow to stop getting so angry...

Ooh, I just thought of another one.

...when you interrupt me.

Mine was to interrupt you less, so that's good. I vow... to finally stop petitioning Paul McCartney to let Weird Al record Chicken Pot Pie to the tune of Live and Let Die. It's over. I'll let it go.

petition ’QŠč‚ˇ‚é

I vow... to cry less during this pregnancy.

I vow to cry less during this Vikings season.

Mm, with that secondary, I wouldn't make that promise.

I vow to keep at least 80% of these vows.

That seems high.

And I vow to keep updating them as we go. Because one set of vows, it can't cover a lifetime of growing and changing with you, of raising children with you... ...falling more and more in love with you every day, Lily Aldrin, which is what I vow to do for the rest of my life.

Crap. I already broke my crying vow.

I'll forgive you.

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