Why do we fight? What is that thing deep within each of us, that compels us to settle this disagreements with our fists? Whatever it is,it's there right from the beginning.
Because it's stupid and juvenile.
We're six.We are stupid and juvenile.
Kids,I've only been in one fight in my life.And this is the story of how it happened.Now,as you know,I recently had been left at the altar.And the worst thing about getting left at e altar? I mean,aside from actually getting left at the altar, was what came next.A steady unrelenting unbearable stream of pity.
steady ゆるぎない unrelenting 容赦ない unbearable 耐えられない stream 流れ pity 憐み
Cranberry Gin and tonic.Scotch and soda.
Um,thank you.Could I see a menu?
Ted,I'm going to go get you a menu but I promise you I will come back.
Okay,we have to start going someplace else.At this bar,I'm always going to be the guy who got left at the altar.That sucks!
Uh-oh.We lost Barney.
What do you mean?
There's a girl over there in a tight red sweater.So he's not listening to a word anyone's saying.Right,Barney?
Give me a break!
See,he out a while back he could fake an entire conversation just by saying titles of black sitcoms from the 70's and 80's.
Hey,Barney, want to go upstairs and do stuff to me that I won't even let Marshall do?
Huh-- different strokes.
What the hell is this?!
I've told you kids about Doug,right? I haven't? Oh,well Doug Martin was a bartender at MacLaren's.He was always kind of around.
Have you met Ted?
What? No,no,no.We're not playing
Am I dead? Am I dead?
Tonight I pick up a lesbian.
Anyway,three things you need to know about Doug.The first thing is that Doug, had a bit of a violent streak.
just crumbled,so he's on the ground,right? And we're just kicking him! He's making that face,all shaking.So,anyway,what we did was we left him there.Top you off?
crumble 砕く Can I top you off? 注ぎましょうか？
The second thing is that he was weird about his hair.
Are you looking at my hair?
Uh,no,sir.I-I was not.
It's a toupee.Is that funny? You want to laugh it up? Is it funny,guy? Is it? I'll tell you what,why don't you,why don't you grab it?
Go ahead,grab it.Grab it right off my head.Go ahead.Huh,you don't want grab it? come on.Come on,go ahead and grab it Want to grab it off my head? Grab my toupee right off my head.I like you guys!
But the third thing is that he was very loyal to his regulars.
loyal to 誠実である
Hey-hey! There they are! Hey,you guys want your booth?
Oh,no.We're fine over here.
Yeah? Yeah? Yeah.
Maybe a little too loyal.
Oh,no,it's fine,it's fine.Okay,you two lovebirds! Let's take this somewhere else, this booth's reserved.Let's go! Now! Come on! Give me some hustle,Father.Up you get.Okay,guys, here we are
What the hell is this?!
Oh,um,well,some guys are sitting in our booth.But you know what? this is fine.
Let's go, i'll take care of it.
Oh,boy,there he goes.
Ladies,if you'll please adjourn to your usual booth.Gentlemen,I will require your assistance outside.
Our assistance with what?
We're going to go out in the alley and fight those guys.
What's happening now?
I'm sorry,did you just say we were gonna
Look,those guys are being inconsiderate,okay? So we're going to go outside and cave in their skulls,okay? This will be fun!
inconsiderate 配慮に欠ける cave 屈服させる
He wants us to fight? like,with our hands and stuff?
And feet maybe? I don't know what the rules are.
wow,a fight.should we go out there?
Come on,Ted.There's only three things you'll ever see me fight the stubborn clasp of a bra, Sexual harassment charges-- nine for nine-- And the urge to vomit when I see someone wearing brown shoes with a black suit.
stubborn 頑固な clasp 留め具
Dude,fighting is for losers We're civilized guys.Civilized guys don't fight.Unless it's with lightsabers.But that's like three to five years away,so
Well,that not true.
Robin,I'm on the forums every day.Three to five Thanksgiving from now, I'm going to be carving the turkey with Old Green.
No,I'm saying there are plenty of legitimate reasons to get in a fight It might not be pretty,but in certain situations, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Right,I forgot.she thinks fighting's sexy.
No,I do not! a lot Look,I come from a culture of hockey players.If a guy can throw down,it's somewhat way hot.And scars,hello! If a guy's got a scare, he's got a Robin.And if he's missing teeth? I'm missing my pants.
throw down 殴りかかる get a scare 度肝を抜かれる
I'm missing my wisdom teeth.Outpatient procedure.Local anesthesia.Whatever.It ain't a thing.
wisdom tooth 親知らず Outpatient 外来患者 procedure 治療 local anesthesia 局所麻酔
Look,maybe we should go out there.I can't believe we're even having this discussion.Ted you're 30, you're too old to act like this.
I was 30 and in those 30 years I'd been punched once.
There's a very simple explana
There was that thing at camp.
Today we're going to braid friendship bracelets.
braid 編む get a scare 度肝を抜かれる
In college I studied some Kung Fu. And well there was some other stuff.The thing with the goat wasn't for another few months.The point is I had never been in a fight.
I'm going out there.
Listen to me,please trust me I've been in plenty of fights.It's really nothing to be proud of.
Who did you get in a fight with?
Yes I'm sure that was quite a rumble in the Eriksen rumpus room.
rumble ケンカする rumpus 騒動
I love brotherly horseplay!
brotherly 兄弟の horseplay ばか騒ぎ
Here comes the tickle monster!
Wait,wait,wait! Timesies! Timesies! Cocoa break.
Okay it's clobbering time.
Ted don't do this, you're a nice guy.That's your best quality.
Is it? 'Cause I seem to remember this nice guy getting dumped by his fiance for a Tae Kwon Do instructor.Look this may sound crazy but I think I need to do this.I-I think this is an experience I need to have.I'm going.
Me too! Guys take a good look at this face because the next time you see it it will be disfigured in the hottest possible way.Because that's who I am, I'm a man.I like to fight and mix it up and get all dirty.Can you find a wood hanger for this?