Marshall: Did you try his cell phone?
Ted: Yeah, I left two messages. I checked the cigar club, the Lusty Leopard. He's off the grid.
off the grid 網の目をすり抜ける・網をよける
Barney: Hey, guys, what up?
Robin: Barney, where have you been?
Ted: Yeah, we're-we're really sorry about that.
Lily: Yeah, so sorry. But seriously, what was up with the tape? No, no, stay.
All: Come on. Stay!
Barney: I'm sorry. I don't want to talk about it. It was the most embarrassing, and humiliating thing that ever happened to me.
Marshall: Well, we all have embarrassing stories. Sometimes it's good to-to talk about it.
Barney: Oh, really? Then why don't you tell us your most humiliating moment, Marshall? Show me how good it is.
Marshall: All right.
Marshall: I was stopping by Lily's kindergarten class to say hi, but they were all at recess. I really had to pee, so I went into the class's restroom. It was a-a smaller target than I'm used to, so I figured I should sit down. What I didn't realize was, it was a shared bathroom. I wish I'd pulled up my pants.
Lily: The kids still call him Funny Butt.
Barney: Okay. I'll tell you my story. Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today.
Barney: It was 1998. I was just out of college, and I was working at a coffeehouse with my girlfriend. My girlfriend... Thank you. All right.
Shannon: I love your singing, Barney.
Barney: And I love you, Shannon.
Shannon: Joining the Peace Corps with you is gonna be legendary.
Barney: I know. Only five short weeks till we're down in Nicaragua.
Man: Hey, nonfat latte to go.
Barney: Mellow order, bro, mellow order.
Man: Dude, that your girlfriend? All right, high five!
Barney: Sorry, I only give high twos.
Man: Whatevs. As long as you're nailing that.
Barney: Listen to you. That? You know, women aren't objects. They're human beings. And FYI, Shannon and I have decided to wait till we're married. You can read about it in my zine.
Listen to you よく言うよ（あきれた） zine 専門的でない定期刊行物
Man: Hey, haircut, right here. Open up your knowledge basket, 'cause here it comes. Forget that touchy-feely crap. You get money, you get laid. End of discussion.
Open up 遠慮なく話しだす、自由にしゃべりだす、ほえ始める touchy-feely 感覚的な、スキンシップ中心の
Barney: I feel sorry for you, man.
I feel sorry for you あなたはかわいそうな人だ
Man: Peace out, hombre.
Barney: Suits. Five weeks later, we were all set to leave for the Peace Corps. Only problem was... she never showed up.
Robin: She never showed?
Ted: So, what happened next?
Barney: You know what? This was a mistake.
Lily: Wait... What if somebody else told their most humiliating story?
Marshall: Oh, I know just how to decide who.
Lily: You brought the game to the bar?
Marshall: Well, we're not quitting just 'cause Ted's so far ahead.
Ted: I was winning?
Robin: Fine. I'll go next.
Robin: I was doing a report on live TV about a hansom cab driver.
Barney: Not the slipping-in-horse-poop story!
Ted: Yeah, we all know that one.
Victoria: Okay, how about this? I will tell you my most humiliating story.
Marshall: Yeah, Victoria, way to step up!
Victoria: Okay, it involves a game of truth or dare, a squeeze-bottle of marshmallow ice cream topping, and the hot tub at my grandparents' retirement community.
involve 〜を引き起こす dare あえて〜する squeeze-bottle ケチャップやマヨネーズの容器のように、内容物を搾り出せる柔らかい容器
Narator: Kids, I tell you a lot of inappropriate stories, but there's no way in hell I'm telling you this one. Don't worry, though, it wasn't that great.
Marshall: That is the greatest story ever!
Lily: Oh my God!
Ted: Wow, wow!
Barney: Victoria, I deem your offering... worthy. My saga... continues.
deem 考える、見なす、判断する saga 長ったらしい説明
Barney: I went back to the coffeehouse to find Shannon.
Barney: Sugar Bear, where were you?
Shannon: Oh, I'm sorry. My dad won't let me go.
Barney: But the Nicaraguans need us!
Shannon: It's just, he's still supporting me, and... Look, he's coming by soon to talk about it, but I think you should go on without me.
Barney: Shannon, there is no...
Shannon: Barney, it's your dream. It's only two years. I know we can make it.
Barney: As I walked away, I realized Shannon was an adult. Her father couldn't control her life. I had to go back and confront him. She was in the middle of a heated argument with her dad.
Marshall: Now we all got to drink.
Ted: Oh, my God. What happened next?
Barney: I don't know, guys.
Lily: Okay, okay. Marshall's mom sent us cookies...
Marshall: Lily, no!
Lily: For the team, Marshall, for the team.
Lily: Hey, Mrs. Eriksen, it's Lily. Thank you so much for the delicious cookies. Mayonnaise. Really? Never would have guessed. Well, I will definitely give Marshall a kiss for you. Okay. Take care.
Marshall: Oh, crap. My mom sent cookies?
Lily: Yeah. I wish we had a dog, so they wouldn't go to waste.
Marshall: So we've got the whole place to ourselves.
Lily: I'm thinking floor sex.
Marshall: Sounds reasonable.
Lily: Ooh, floor's cold. Grab that afghan your mom made.
Robin: The whole time?
Lily: The... whole... time.