Robin: Why is Ted teaching a class about me?
Marshall: It all started a few weeks ago.
Barney: ...rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out! Stinson back in. Say, hypothetically, I did want to change who I am to become a better boyfriend to Robin, which I do not! What kind of changes are we talking about?
Ted: Why, I mean, there's just so much you need to know about her. Okay, for starters, don't ever cry in front her.
Ted: And whatever you do, don't cry in front of her four times.
Robin: Hey, guys. What you talking about?
Barney and Ted: Fantasy football.
Marshall: They realized they couldn't talk about this stuff at the bar, and since you live with Ted, they had to find someplace safe. So...
Ted: "How To Date Robin Scherbatsky." Lesson one. Now, even though she puts up a tough exterior, what Robin really wants, deep down...
Barney: I'm bored.
Ted: You said you wanted my help.
Barney: Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard?
Ted: We did that ready.
Barney: No, like, really big boobs.
Ted: No. Look, I need this, too. I've only been a professor a few weeks. Being up here, it's, it's good practice for me.
Barney: Can we have class outside?
Ted: No! What Robin really wants deep down... Barney!
Barney: What? I'm tweeting about you. You should be flattered. How do you spell blah-blah-blah- "H's" or no?
Ted: Wow, you were just, like, the worst student in the world, weren't you?
Barney: They said I had A-D... something. Can we have class outside?
Ted: Barney, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up. I love you and I love Robin. And I want to make this work. So if you give me a few weeks of attention, I could give you a lifetime of happiness. Can you do that for me?
Barney: Do you think I should get Sports Illustrated for 70% off the cover price? Can we have class outside?
Ted: I got to find a way to reach this kid.
Lily: "Class number two."
Robin: "Top Ten Robin Scherbatsky Facial Expressions and Their Meaning."
Ted: Now, notice the vacant eyes, the pale, queasy expression, suggesting nausea. What do these mean?
vacant うつろな pale 弱々しい queasy 落ち着かない nausea 強い嫌悪
Barney: You guys just had sex? Oh! Wasn't me.
Ted: Dude! I worked really hard on these slides, okay? Can we just...
Ted: This look is hunger. If you ever see Robin looking like this, get some food in her quick,or one of two things will happen.One weird, out-of-context laughter. Or two spontaneously falling to sleep in strange places. But the most important facial expression of all?
hunger 空腹 out of context 前後関係なく spontaneously 無意識のうちに
Barney: That's a building.
Ted: Oh... That's for my class. The Flatiron Building. Fun story about it. It was designed by Chicago's Daniel Burnham in the beaux arts style; this architectural gem...
Ted: Right. The most important facial expression of all.
Ted: Flared nostril ridges. Wide, unblinking eyes. If you ever, ever see this face, Barney, run. And don't take a picture of it. She will punch you. And you will cry... for the third time... that night. Which brings us to an important point: defusing the bomb.
Flared 広がった nostril 小鼻
Robin: "Defusing the bomb"? What does that even mean?
Lily: "Three Topics To Distract Robin From Being Mad At You."
Robin: "Distract" me? Oh, that is so condescending. These guys are really starting to piss me off!
Lily: "Immediately switch the conversation To one of the following, "unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes."
Ted: One. "Vancouver Canucks 2004 Division Title."
Robin: What?! That's not distracting. That's just talking about the story of a scrappy little underdog team that prevailed despite very shaky goal ending and, frankly, the declining skills of Trevor Linden.
prevailed 説得される shaky 疑わしい declining 減退する
Ted:Two: "Proper Gun Cleaning and Maintenance."
Robin: You have to clean your gun. My uncle had a filthy old shotgun, blew both his thumbs off trying to shoot a beaver. You want to distract someone, make them watch my uncle try to eat corn on the cob.
Ted:Three: "Emperor Penguins."
Robin: Did you know that before intercourse, the male and female emperor penguins bow to each other? Mr. Penguin Mrs. Penguin. Oh, God, silly penguins, acting all fancy. What were we talking about?
Marshall: Uh-oh. Looks like we got a taker. Oh, come on, dude. You know you want to A guy like you, beard, no mustache. You're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. Do it. No. No. That's not a fire hydrant! What... For shame, Sir. For shame! I bet you couldn't even grow a mustache if you wanted to.
Lily: Neither can you, sweetie.
Marshall: Well, he doesn't know that, baby! God!
Robin: Ted's only teaching Barney horrible things about me.
Lily: I don't know. Check this out. This is actually kind of sweet.
Ted: Now, we all know Robin's not what you'd call "touchy-feely." She doesn't say, "I love you," like a normal person. Instead, she'll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile and say, "You're an idiot."
Barney: "You're an idiot"?
Ted: Yup. If she tells you you're an idiot, you're a lucky man. And if she does say "I love you," she's already broken up with you in her mind.
Lily: I think 's nice that Ted knows you that well.
Robin: Ah, well, too bad it's next to a page entitled...
Ted: "Robin Scherbatsky's Surprising Erogenous Zones." Right knee-- ticklish. Left knee...
Ted: Does lefty like that?
Ted: Oh, yeah...lefty like that.
Barney: I can't believe I'm taking sexual advice from Ted Mosby. That's like taking fashion advice from... well, Ted Mosby.
Lily: Oh, here's a good one. "Top Five Things Never to Do Around Robin."
Ted:Three: "Never, ever play the 'Guess Who' game with her."
Barney: What do you mean?
Ted: Guess who? It's me! It's me! It's me!
Ted: Number four: "Unless you want to see it 80 times a day, for the next month, never show Robin a YouTube clip of an animal playing a musical instrument." Barney! Do you have a problem with this class?
Barney: Yeah, it's boring as hell and I'm not learning anything.
Ted: Uh, well, maybe the problem is your attitude. You're not listening to a word I say.
Barney: Uh-huh. Uh, can you hear this, Professor? Or should I turn it up for you?
Narator: It may not have been a thumbs-up, kids.
Ted: Oh, you think you're not learning anything, huh? Okay. Pop quiz.
Ted: When Robin's PMS-ing, what kind of chocolate should you get her?
Barney: Trick question. Get her butterscotch.
Ted: Correct! Why?
Barney: Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women.
Ted: Correct! What is Robin's dream job?
Barney: To become the most successful female TV journalist of all time.
Ted: Correct! And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy?
Barney: No! Robin's deep-seated need for attention can traced back to her father's emotional distance, and no amount of success will ever make up for what she truly needs, which is six simple words from her Dad: "Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?"
Ted: Yes! But I guess you're right. You haven't learned anything. Sorry to have wasted your time.
Barney: "Oh, Captain! My Captain!"
Ted: How good was Dead Poet's Society?
Barney: I know, right? The end? Tears.