Have you noticed how beef ribs used to always be disgusting, and then recently they found a way to make them really delicious instead?
Okay, Barney.I'm gonna go ahead and ask you this head on.Are you happy with Robin?
Are you kidding? How could I not be happy with Robin? It's Robin!
So are you happy?
I can't believe you'd even ask me that.I mean, yes, we fight all the time, but, you know what they say about relationships.Every moment's a battle.
So are you happy?
And you know what goes hand-in-hand with fighting, the make-up sex, which is different when you're in a loving, long-term relationship.
Heads, we have sex.Tails, we order a whole pizza and just lay here moaning.
Oh, great.Let the coin decide.
Which was pizza again?
It was tails.
Sex.Am I right? Thank God that's mostly over.I'm still hungry.You hungry?
We have to break them up.You're right.Barney and Robin are miserable together, but they're too stubborn to admit it.So, we have to get them to break up.
How do we do that?
We unleash the Kraken.
Kids, as you know, earlier that year, I'd learned that Lily had broken up not one, not two, but seven of my past relationships.
Forget it.I'm retired.I'm out of the game.
But nobody's better than you.
I'm telling you.I swore off that racket.I've gone legit.I'm a matchmaker now.
swear off 辞めると誓う racket 仕事 go legit 足を洗う
Set me up with someone.
Whoa! I'm just starting out.
Listen, you've gotta break them up.This relationship is killing them.
I know it is, but I've learned my lesson.No more interfering.Let things run their course.
Yes, but the one is me.
All right, we don't need her.We can break them up on our own.
Okay, remember when Robin and I were dating?
What was the one big thing that really freaked her out?
No.No.No.No.No.Ted, you cannot do this to me.No! No.No.No.
What are you talking about?
This.This is what I'm talking about.What is this doing in my champagne?
If we make Robin think for even a second that Barney is proposing, she'll lose it, and they'll break up.
That's crazy.Why don't we just, like, lead Barney into temptation? We'll find some hot woman to hit on him.Okay, the ring thing.
We should have gotten a stakeout van.We could have ordered pizza, and looked through big binoculars and said, "This ain't what I signed up for.Stuff like that.
Shh Here comes the waiter.
Please, shut up!
I thought you said something.Sorry.
Is that an engagement ring? Are you?
Oh, no.No.That's not me.They must've delivered it to the wrong table.Could you imagine, us getting married?
Well, we are committed to each other.
Most of your stuff is already at my apartment.
Might make taxes easier.
Speed up your citizenship.
Scherbatsky is so hard to spell.
My mom would be so happy.
I guess so.
No reason not to.
We're getting married!
Not so loud.Geez!
What did you do? I am furious right now.This is so wrong!
Lily, will you be my maid of honor?
Oh, my God.I would love to.
Are you out of your mind? You knew they were playing relationship chicken, and what did you do? You put an engagement ring in front of them.Okay.That's it.I'm taking over.I'm coming out of retirement for one last breakup.
All right.How are we gonna do it?
These guys are in so deep just one fight ain't gonna do it.We need to reignite the four biggest fights they've ever been in, all at once.Number one, the battle of the dirty dishes.Number two, the ex-girlfriend conflict.
Hey, don't you know that girl over there?
No.I don't think so.No, in fact, I have definitely Hey, it's Meg.Well, I am certainly not comparing you two in my mind right now.Whoops.Hey, will you get that for me?
Why do you keep doing this?
You're embarrassing me in public.
You're constantly putting me in these positions.
Number three, the Star Wars altercation.
Isn't it time you got rid of your stupid doll?
It's not a doll.It's a Stormtrooper.
Uh He's wearing a diaper.
It's not a diaper, Robin.
It's protective armor.
Stormtrooper, more like Stormpooper.
Whoa! Oh! It sounds like your Stormpooper here needs a changing.
Okay, you know what, I'm sick of it.I'm sick of your jokes.
I didn't say anything.
Your jokes about the magic
I can't joke?
And of course, the biggie, the Canadian-American war.
Thank God that song's over.Who the hell was that old lady singing?
Okay, you know that Neil Young is my favorite musician.
Right.Now was that the same old lady who played Archie Bunker's wife in All in the Family, or just a sound-alike?
Neil Young is a Canadian treasure.Do not make fun of Neil Young.
Robin, I would never make fun of a defenseless, old lady with vocal cord paralysis.Ever.
vocal cord paralysis 声帯麻痺
Here we go.In public? Really?
Yeah, in public.I'll go there.
We're gonna have a fight in public?
It's nothing to be mad about.
I got it.I got it.We e-mail them pictures reminding them of each of these fights.
You child.Here's how it goes down.They're at the diner.First, rekindling the Canadian-American debate, Ontario native Alan Thicke stops by the table.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh! Right, Robin knew him back when she was a singer.
Yeah, and they still keep in touch.I already got his number off her phone.Seriously, amateurs.So Alan Thicke restarts the Canada-US fight.Right at that moment, Crazy Meg shows up.Then, a Stormtrooper happens to walk by the window.And just when they can't take anything more, a busboy walks by with a tray full of what? Dirty dishes.
Lily, this is your masterpiece.
We're getting a stakeout van!