Barney: I need a glass of wine.
Barman: And I need you to get out of my face.
get out of my face 俺の前から消え失せろ
Barney: It's for the bride, so...
Barman: White or red?
Barney: White. And, uh... she'd also like a scotch and soda.
Barman: You got it.
Barney: She'd also like a bowl of smoked almonds.
Barman: I don't have any, but I guess I could run out to the corner and get some.
run out to 〜を買いに走る
Barney: Well, it's only the biggest day of her life, so...
Barney: Here. Can't stay. Got to try something.
Scooter: Maybe my words won't change your mind, but maybe the words of a poet will. I read from "November Rain." By W. Axl Rose.
Robin: That is a good song.
Brad: Barney said you needed me to bounce some guy named Scooter?
Brad: What's up with Bill?
Robin: That's Scooter.
Brad: I'm on it. People start to sit in the wedding place...
Barney: Can I have your phone number?
Barney: It's for the bride.
Woman: Oh. Hold on. Let me go get a pen.
Barney: The bride wants you to walk slower.
Robin: Oh, wow.
Lily: Oh. Robin... My makeup looks perfect right now, and I'm about to cry. Do something.
Robin: I have hairy nipples.
Robin: No, but it worked, didn't it?
Brad: Hey. Funny story. I tackled this guy I thought was Scooter. Turns out it was your photographer. Don't worry. I got this sweet camera phone, so we're covered.
Robin: There's a photographer? Oh, my God. Okay, I just have to call...
Lily: Robin, stop. Stop. It's okay. I am not gonna let anything get to me today.
Woman: I just got a call from the florist. The flowers won't be here till halfway through the ceremony.
Lily: I'm okay.
Man: I hate to bother you, but... I think I found your veil in the parking lot.
Lily: I'm fine.
Andrea: Just FYI my water broke. But I can probably......make it through.
Lily: Totally cool.
Robin: Oh, no. Lily, I think I forgot your bridal panties. I-I thought I had them. I'm so sorry.
Lily: Oh, it's okay, I'll just wear the ones I have on.
Robin: Are you sure?
Lily: I'm marrying Marshall today. So it doesn't even matter that I'm gonna walk down the aisle without a veil in a room that has no flowers to the music of half a harp played by a woman who's crowning, as my high school boyfriend reads Guns N' Roses lyrics. But that's okay, because there's no photographer there to take any pictures of it anyway.
Robin: Lily, are you okay?
Lily: What do you think?! Of course I'm not okay! Everything that could possibly go wrong at my wedding has! It's ruined!
Robin: What happened to "I don't want a perfect wedding"?
Lily: Oh, grow up, Robin! Of course I want a perfect wedding! Oh, God. I wanted... I wanted not to care about the wedding, but... I do. I... I'm supposed to feel like a princess today.
Robin: And you will. It's gonna be okay, sweetie. Why don't we go outside? I have something that'll make you feel better.
Lily: What could you have that could possibly make me feel better? God, I hope Marshall's having a better day than I'm having.
Marshall: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Barney: Well, it's not too short.
Marshall: My hair! Look at my hair! She ruined my hair! I look like one of the Backstreet Boys!
Barney: You totally do. And not even the good Backstreet Boys, the older, lame dance move, comeback tour Backstreet Boys.
Ted: The good Backstreet Boys?
Marshall: Guys! Guys! What am I gonna do?!
Ted: What-what the hell happened to you?
Marshall: Lily's cousin is in beauty school, and Lily didn't want her to do her hair, so she said she could do mine.
Marshall: So, um, just not-not too short, okay?
Cousin: Oh, no, we don't even have to cut it at all. Could just give it some style.
Marshall: Oh, okay, yeah, that's great. 'Cause, um, when it gets too short, it starts to look weird. And I don't want to look weird when I'm up there, you know.
Cousin: Ooh, I could give you some cool guy tips.
Marshall: I don't think I need advice on how to be cool, but yeah, great, lay that on me.
Marshall: I can't get married like this! There's no way!
Barney: Ah, let me see what I can do.
Ted: What? What can you do?
Barney: I have a superpower.
Marshall: Lily is gonna kill me! Look at me! She's not gonna want to marry me like this.
Ted: That's crazy. Of course she will.
Marshall: Would you marry me?
Ted: No. But not because of the hair. It's because I have a rule never marry anyone you've had a farting contest with.
Marshall: Oh, great. So now you're saying Lily and I shouldn't even get married?
Barney: Could I have everyone's attention, please? It's for the bride. One, the bride would... like all of this tension out of my shoulders. And she would like, let's say, you in the inappropriatel short dress to rub them. Two... What was two?
Ted: Okay, we have a bit of a situation. Let's not panic. Let's just find a solution.
Marshall: Yeah, yeah, but it's good. I ought to shave it all off. What a great solution. Just be bald 'cause it's cool, right? Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spears... Oh, God, what did I do?! How could you let me shave my head?!
Marshall: You're the worst best man ever! I hate you! I'm not going out there! I'm leaving and I'm never coming back.I'm gonna go find that money under the rock by the tree and go live with the guys on the beach in Zihautanejo.
Ted: Dude, those guys are criminals.
Marshall: Only Red Andy was falsely accused. Ted, you're my best man! You got to do something!
falsely 偽って accuse に責任を問う
Ted: Okay, all right, come here. Just breathe, breathe, all right? Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll just... I'll take these.