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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzGarbage Island

Ted: Hi, I'm here to pick up...

Captain: Hello, Ted.

Ted: To the study?

Captain: To the study!

Captain: Ted... I know.

Ted: Know what?

Captain: I know who stole my Zoey. No man likes to be betrayed, especially by a friend. You can imagine then how painful it was when I learned that the name of my betrayer is... Ted... when I tell you who it is, you're gonna... It's my doorman!

Ted: That son of a bitch! You think Zoey's sleeping with the doorman?

Captain: He always winks and tips his hat when he sees her. I know how these things work. He holds her package, and pretty soon, she's holding his. And then there's his glorious mustache. I will have him fired for this!

tip ‡}‚ˇ‚é

Ted: No, no, no, you can't fire him.

Captain: You're right. Maritime protocol demands physical retribution!

retribution “V”ą

Ted: Oh, my God! No, no! No physical retribution! Stop!

Captain: Who is this flower child, and what has he done with my lionhearted friend Ted Mosby?!

Ted: Look, look, yes, yes, the doorman is a scoundrel. The mustache alone gives that away. He's a rake, a rogue, a rapscallion!

rake “šŠyŽŇ rogue ˆŤ“} rapscallion l‚Ĺ‚Č‚ľ

Captain: Whoa, "rapscallion" may be going a bit far, Ted.

Ted: But it's not his fault, okay? It's nobody's fault. You and Zoey have nothing in common. For God's sake, Captain, she hates boats! You're just not right for each other. Look, I know it's tough to face, but I'm sure a small part of you has always known that.

Captain: Why couldn't she just like boats? Just to have one thing in common? Other girls like boats, don't they?

Ted: Of course they do. And you'll find one. And you'll be much happier with her than you ever were with Zoey.

Captain: When you put it that way, I should almost thank the doorman.

Ted: Yeah, yeah! And, you know, since, since it doesn't really matter who Zoey's dating now...

Captain: It doesn't, it really doesn't.

Ted: It doesn't.It's me. You're welcome.

Lily: Okay, baby, what gives?

Marshall: I'm sorry, but neither of us are getting any action until I find those rings.

Lily: I hope this doesn't make me look desperate.

Barney: All right, Robin, give it to me.

Robin: Damn it, Barney, you failed my test! You know, I- I try to root for you. Even as your ex-girlfriend, when you meet someone, I'm like, "Yeah, Barney, go get her!" But you know what? Just forget it. You're never gonna change. I'm done trying to help you.

root for ‰ž‰‡‚ˇ‚é

Barney: The number. Give me the number, 'cause I really can't tell... Is that a seven or a nine?

Robin: It's a five, idiot.

Barney: A fi...? In what moon man language is that a five?

Robin: "Moon man language"? What does that even mean?

Barney: How am I supposed to see that's a five?

Robin: Look how you taped this up...

Barney: Fine, fine, fine. I have a phone call to make.

Robin: Barney. Go get her.

Ted: Listen, Zoey, I need to ask you something. Did I steal you?

Zoey: Well... yeah. You did. By being the kind of sweet, thoughtful guy who'd never even think of stealing someone, you stole me.

Ted: So I'm the bad guy. Great.

Zoey: Well, the story isn't over, Ted. It'll be years before we know who's the good guy and who's the bad guy. I mean, yes, divorce sucks, but sometimes things need to fall apart to make way for better things.

Ted: If you say so.

Zoey: I'm just saying, the eggs are already broken. Let's make sure we get a pretty good omelet out of it.

Lily: Okay, Marshall, seriously, what's going on?

Marshall: He'll never get to see how I turn out.

Lily: What do you mean?

Marshall: My dad. You know, I used to, um, I used to always tell him that I was gonna be an environmental lawyer. And he was always so proud of me for that. But he never got to see the version of me that was anything but a corporate stooge. And now it's too late. And we're starting a family, you know.

stooge ƒ{ƒP–đ

Lily: Are you avoiding sleeping with me 'cause you don't want to start a family?

Marshall: Lily, if we have a baby right now, that is just it for me. The cement will dry, and I will be stuck at GNB forever.

Lily: Marshall, if you want to quit your job and go work for the NRDC right now, then you need to do that right now. And then, once you've cleaned up all the oceans and saved the planet... you know, like, a year from now... then we'll start a family.

Marshall: I don't know. So far, in the name of saving the planet, I've ruined your night, I practically broke Wendy's back and I got Meeker fired. The guy must hate me.

Lily: Meeker doesn't hate you.

Narator: Oh, Meeker hated him, all right. After all, Marshall was the one who got him fired. Meeker knew we all hung out at MacLaren's. So that night, he went there to confront Marshall. But as luck would have it...

as luck would have it K‰^‚É‚ŕ

Meeker: Are you guys...?

Wendy: Closed. Sorry. Thanks.

Meeker: Rough night?

Wendy: Yeah.

Meeker: I'm sorry.

Wendy: It's not your fault. It's no one's fault. Except for Marshall Eriksen.

Meeker: What did you just say?

Wendy: Uh, I said it's Marshall Eriksen's fault. Why, do you know him?

Meeker: Know him? I hate that guy.

Wendy: Me, too.

Meeker: Well, no way.

Narator: And the rest, as they say...is history.

Wendy: And three kids later, we decided to come here on our second honeymoon.

Ted: Wow. That's a pretty good omelet.

Wendy: Oh, and hey, what about you? You still with Zoey?

Ted: No, no, no. Wow, that did not end well. But it's all for the best, 'cause now I'm married to an amazing girl, we have two kids. It's actually a funny story of how we met. I was a best man at this wedding...

Wendy: Listen, Ted, it's great seeing you, but we got to run.

Ted: Okay, well, have a safe trip. It was great seeing you. Hello. Marshall.

Marshall: Hey, Ted.

Ted: Hey. You will not believe who I just ran into.

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