Marshall: Barney, that was really embarrassing for both of us. We just earned a huge chunk of story.
Barney: Right. So where was I? Oh, yeah. Shannon was sucking face with her dad.
Barney: How can... With your dad? I mean, I know judge not lest ye be judged, but gross!
judge not lest ye be judged 人をさばくな。自分がさばかれないためである。 gross 気持ち悪い
Shannon: Barney, that's not my dad. His name's Greg. I've been seeing him for a few weeks. I was hoping you'd just leave, and we could avoid all this.
Barney: We're breaking up? But what about the Peace Corps?
Shannon: Yeah, all this granola business, it was just a phase. Greg's older. He's successful. He buys me all this cool stuff.
Barney: But I love you.
Shannon: But he has a boat. You should go to the Peace Corps and forget about me.
Barney: I didn't go. That night, I recorded my video and mailed it to Shannon. I didn't see her until a week later. There's sugar in the basket. Shannon! Shannon, you came back!
Shannon: I'm just picking up my last paycheck.
Barney: Oh. Did you... did you get my tape?
Man: Oh, she got the tape.
Barney: You? It was you?
Man: Will I ever see another rainbow Oh, man.
Lily: Oh, you poor thing.
Barney: The story's not over. I did see Shannon one more time.
Lily: You've got to tell us.
Barney: I don't know, I think I might need one last story to get me through it.
Ted: Fine. Um... oh! The green testicle story. So I was playing ultimate frisbee in college and there was this barefoot dude with weirdly sharp toenails...
green testicle ”When a man ejaculates into a woman's nostrils, clogs one nostril with her finger and ejects the cummy material out of her nasal cavity onto the man's erect penis.” barefoot はだしの weirdly 異様に toenails 足指の爪
Barney: Oh, come on, Ted! You know what story I want to hear. Everyone else here has manned up tonight and told the truth. Why can't you?
manned up 毅然とした態度を取る
Ted: You're right. Victoria, I'm sorry I haven't told you this yet, but a while back, I was kind of into Robin. In fact, on our first date, I might have said, "I love you." Understandably, she freaked out and I left. But unfortunately, the night did not end there.
Ted: We all ended up at the bar with our cab driver Ranjit.
Ranjit: To one hell of a night!
Ted: And I drank... a lot. So you guys think I should have kissed her? Well, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna go kiss her right... now.
Barney: Yes! Do it!
Ranjit: To the cab.
Robin: Hello? Is someone out there?
Lily: You ralphed and ran?
Marshall: I thought you were vomit-free since '93. So that was a lie?
Robin: You re-returned for me. That's really sweet. Though you kind of ruined my customized Scherbotsky doormat.
Robin: It's okay.
Ted: Victoria, I know this must be...
Victoria: Yeah. It kind of is.
Barney: Wow, Ted, you were right. You shouldn't have told that story. But you did earn yourself the right to the end of mine. We fast-forward eight years into the future.
Marshall: Wait, eight years, that's, that's this year.
Barney: Marshall, not only is it this year, it's tonight.
Barney: Hi, Shannon.
Shannon: What are you doing here?
Barney: Just listen. When you left me for that guy Greg, it changed me. Now I'm this. I-I know this is crazy. It's just, you were once such a big part of my life. And it just seemed insane that you didn't know who I am now. So here I am. And then she told me about her life.
Barney: She and Greg dated for a while and then split up. But here's the real kicker. Shannon's a mom. She has a little kid named Max. That's crazy. That could have been my kid. But instead, what do I have? My whole life's some money in the bank, some suits in my closet and a string of one-night stands.
Lily: Hey. Come on. I mean, just because her life went one way and yours went another, it doesn't make your life any worse.
Barney: My life rocks! Money, suits and sex. These are tears of joy! I could be cooped up in some tiny apartment changing some brat's poopy diapers. But instead, I'm out in the world being awesome 24-7, 365! You let me dodge a bullet, Big Guy. Plus, here's the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness that is my life. After Shannon and I talked, I nailed her.
cooped up 閉じ込められている brat がき、子ども dodge 巧妙に避ける
Lily: Sorry. Don't buy it. You're making it up. You're just trying to cover the fact that you actually had a profound moment of doubt about yourself and... Oh, my God.
He's making it up. 彼って、ウソばっかりだよ profound 心の底からの
Shannon: Oh, Barney!
Barney: Video's pretty good on this phone, huh?
Shannon: Is your phone on?
Barney: Oh, no. It just takes a while to power down.
Lily: Ew, gross. Just stop it.
Barney: Ladies, gentlemen... Ted. This has been a wonderful evening. I got great dirt on all you guys. I got Ted to tell the re-return. I finally nailed Shannon! Told her I'd call her tomorrow. Yeah, right. And I rediscovered just how awesomely awesome my life is. Peace out, hombres!
Marshall: I think Barney just won game night.
Narator: We spend so much effort trying to keep parts of our lives hidden even from our closest friends. But those rare times when we do open up, it's amazing how minor those secrets all end up seeming. Of course, not every secret was told that night. But that's getting ahead of the story.