In the fall of 2009, a new couple had moved in upstairs.We hadn't met them yet, but we could hear them all the time.They were always Well, kids, let's just say they were always playing the bagpipes.
Okay, this is ridiculous.I can't believe those two are still bagpiping.
I know.It's been six hours.Must be that Tantric bagpiping that Sting is into.
She keeps yelling out for him to play the bagpipes harder, but it sounds like he's bagpiping her pretty hard.There's a glass of water in my bedroom that's vibrating like Jurassic Park.
You have neighbors!Shut the bagpipes up!
I decided to go to the bar for some peace and quiet.That didn't work out so well.
Ted, I hate to have to be the one to tell you this.Marshall and Lily are getting a divorce.
No, they're not.
Just listen to what I witnessed yesterday.
Baby, you mind washing that?
I should go.
She makes him wash his dishes right away, Ted.I give them two, maybe three weeks, tops.
Barney, that's not a big deal.And it's certainly not a big enough deal for you to be holding my hands.
They're in big trouble, Ted.
I see what's going on.You, my friend, are suffering from a little-known condition, "little-known" because I just made it up, called New Relationship Smugness.You and Robin are in the honeymoon phase.Everything's perfect.Every song on the radio's about you.Every other couple sucks.Enjoy it.NRS doesn't last forever.
suffer 経験する little-known あまり知られていない Smugness うぬぼれ
It does when you're this awesome.Hey, check it out.Robin and I have been keeping a tally of how many beds we've done it in.We're up to 83 and a half.
keep a tally of 数を記録する
Nineteenth century ottoman in an antique shop.
Hey, what's up?
Hey, tiger.How you holding up?Do you need a hug?You want to talk about yesterday?Safe space.
Barney thinks Lily asking you to wash your dishes right away is a sign your marriage is crumbling.
What?Why?Lily likes a clean sink, so I do the dishes right away, what's the big deal?
I'll tell you what the big deal is.You know how I was always the best at being single?
Well, now I am the best at relationships.Even better than you and Lily.
Aw.Look at you.Had a girlfriend for five minutes, you think you can play with the big boys, adorable.Son, I've been in a relationship since you had a ponytail and were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio.I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep.I can rock a killer foot rub with one hand and brew a kick-ass pot of chamomile in the other that would make you weep.Hell, I've forgotten more about microwaving fat-free popcorn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever know, but thanks for your concern, rook.
Marshall, let me ask you one question.
Do you mind if there is a sink full of dirty dishes?
Then it's Lily's problem, not yours.
Yeah, but if I said that to her, it would only lead to a fight, so
Oh!You fight.See, Robin and I never fight.
Of course you do.
No.And here's the secret.Every time it looks like we're about to get into a fight
Why is there a bag of panties labeled "April 2008" in your closet?
So any time you think you might have a fight, you just get up and leave?
Can't fight if you're not there.That's what Gandhi taught us.
Boy, that's not true.
I can't believe that Robin puts up with that.
Don't worry.She's got a great way to avoid fights, too.
Um, are ties machine-washable?
No, they most certainly are not.Why?What is in your hand?Oh, my God, what is in your hand?
Okay, so you walk away, Robin gets naked.Those are the two stupidest ways to handle conflict I've ever heard.
Actually, the naked thing ain't bad.That felt kind of weird.
Okay, call me crazy.
But when a problem comes up, Lily and I actually talk about it.
There are so many great things to do with the human mouth.Why waste it on talking?But if you insist, here's what I would say about the dishes, if I were Lily's husband.
Barney, you're home!
Dude.Get to the point!
Sweetie, are you going to wash that?
I'm glad you bring that up.No.And here's why.Lily, I know you don't like a dirty sink, but does that make it my job to keep it clean?I mean, if one day I look up at the living room ceiling and think, " Hey, I'd like a replica of the Sistine Chapel up there. Would it be your job to paint it?
I didn’t bring that up そんなこと言ってないよ
Well, no.Of course not.
Exactly!So, baby, by the same logic, if you don't like looking at a sink full of dishes, shouldn't it be your job to clean them?
Wow.Thanks for explaining that.I get so confused.
That's because you're a woman.
I don't even know why we're laughing!
Of course you don't.
You're kidding me with this.
Hang on, Ted.Let's hear the man out.
hear someone out 最後まで聞く
Once I have her attention, it's time to bring out the big guns.
Look, I love you.But, baby, with the little energy I have left after work, I want to shower you with love, not wash some silly dishes.
You're right.I'll do the dishes.Right after I do this.
Oh.Oh, yeah.Now turn around.
Are you going to hit him or should I?
No, he's not.Marshall, look at me.Do not get drawn into Barney Stinson's circus tent of funhouse mirrors and flawed logic.This is exactly how you got the earring back in '03.
Hey, that earring looked cool.
It did look cool, didn't it?
Marshall, stay with me!Barney is wrong.
No, he isn't.I hate doing my dishes right away.
You just said you don't mind!
I hate it, Ted!I hate it with a boundless, burning fury.I hate it.I hate it, I hate it!
boundless 無限の fury 怒り
Oh!Good.There you are.You'll tell me the truth.Barney says that you two never fight.
Oh!I guess that's true.
No way.I love you both, but you are the two most emotionally ill-equipped individuals in the history of relationships.You two must have had at least one fight.
You know what?We did.
Mmm-hmm.There was one small dispute about which one of us was more awesome.We just called it a tie and had sex.Speaking of which, I am so glad we're going skiing this weekend.I need a break.The upstairs neighbors are driving me crazy.
Yeah, it's bad.I'm gonna say something to them.
Great.Okay, we all have our assignments for the weekend.Ted, you're going to stand up to your neighbors.Marshall, you're going to stand up to Lily.And Robin, I'm gonna need you in sort of a crouched position on the bear-skin rug at our ski chalet.Ready?Break!
Barney, you know, with his crazy, well-thought-out theories that probably would work.
Marshall, I'm just gonna say this one more time.It's a bad idea.
I think it could work.
Okay, two more times.It's a bad idea.
Listen, Barney lays out some logical points.Lily is a reasonable woman.I think that if I explain it to her, she'll get it and I'll get my way.
lay out 明確に述べる reasonable 合理的な get one's way 思い通りにする
No.She'll get mad, and you'll get in a huge fight.
Baby, could you wash your dishes?
Lily, I'm glad that you bring that up.
Can I stay here tonight?
I'll make up the sofa, buddy.