Narator: And then your Uncle Marhsall and I had one of our famous telepathic conversations.
Marshall: Check out Robin's date.
Ted: I know.
Marshall: Is that who I think it is?
Ted: Yep. It's Sandy Rivers.
Narator: Sandy Rivers was the face of Metro News One, the most low-budget cable news network ever.
Ted: Sandy time. Sandy time!
Narator: He was best known for his morning segment "In Today's Paper," during which he literally flipped through today's papers, reading them aloud to viewers.
Sandy: Here we have, on the front page, a story about a... I guess, a guy in a superhero costume climbing the Empire State Building. Looks interesting.
Narator: These idiotic filler pieces were a guilty pleasure of ours.
filler piece 詰物
Ted: Which Sandy do we want today? French Sandy, porn star Sandy...?
Marshall: Yosemite Sandy, definitely.
Ted: Excellent choice. I love this guy.
Ted: I hate this guy.
Lily: I'm Lily.
Mary: Hi. Mary. It's nice to meet you.
Marshall: Mary is a friend of Barney's. Barney invited her. Just met Mary ourselves. Don't know too much about Mary. Look, a beer.
Ted: You look nice.
Robin: Oh, um, Ted, this is Sandy.
Sandy: Hi. Sandy Rivers. Use my full name. People get a kick out of it.
get a kick out of 〜から快感を得る
Ted: Hi, Sandy. Rivers. So are you two, uh...
Sandy: Starting a bunch of office rumors? Looks that way. Looks that way.
rumor うわさ Looks that way そうだね そうだと思うよ
Ted: Oh, how rude of me. Uh, Robin, Sandy... Rivers... this is Mary, my date.
how rude of me これは失礼！
Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 45th annual Local Area Media Awards. Please say hello to our host for the evening, king of the Saturday Afternoon Kung Fu Movie, Vampire Lou!
Vampire Lou: Tonight we celebrate the very best in broadcasting and the triumph of the human spirit.
Marshall: Man, Vampire Lou just looks great.
Ted: I can't believe I'm on a date with a hooker.
Marshall: Yeah, I can't believe you let her and Lily go to the ladies' room together, man. Secrets come out in there.
come out in the wash いずれ明らかになる
Barney: Oh, please. How's it's going to come out? "Uh, pass me a towel. P.S., I have sex for money."
Lily: Who has sex for money?
Marshall: Nobody. What did you guys talk about in there? Anything interesting?
Lily: No, not really. We just chitchatted and I borrowed her lipstick. Why is Vampire Lou the host of a Saturday Afternoon Kung Fu Movie? You know, it just makes no sense. God, that pisses me off.
chitchat おしゃべりをする borrowed 借りた that pisses me off むかつく
Ted: Lily, you okay?
Lily: Oh, yeah, I'm just tired. And when I get tired, I get cranky.
cranky 不安定な 不機嫌な
Sandy: Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky.
Lily: "Really? I couldn't imagine you cranky."
Mary: Wow. Why are you so tired?
Lily: Well, I teach kindergarten and the school board took away my nap time, the kids' nap time.
school board 教育委員会
Barney: Lily, quit your job. Work at a private school. You won't have to deal with the school board, and you'll make a ton more money.
Lily: Well, guess what, Barney? I don't base all my life decisions on how much money I'm going to make, unlike you and, sadly, my fiance.
guess what 聞いてくれる？
Marshall: Well, it's just an internship, for the record.
Lily: Yeah, because if I did sacrifice all my values just for an easy buck, what would that make me?
Mary: A prostitute.
Lily: Exactly. Thank you, Mary.
Robin: So, Mary, what do you do for a living?
Barney: She's a paralegal.
Mary: Yes, I'm a paralegal.
Robin: Oh, so, Mary the paralegal. What does a paralegal do exactly?
Mary: I just assist with day-to-day clerical work in a law firm downtown.
Lily: Oh, what firm?
Mary: Douglas, O'Halloran and Stamp.
Marshall: That's a real law firm.
Mary: I know.
Ted: You're pretty good on your feet.
on one’s feet経済的に独立して
Mary: Are you flirting with me?
Ted: Is that allowed?
Mary: Yes, it's encouraged.
Ted: You know, I wouldn't normally say this on a first date, but... well, considering... I'm just going to say it. You are so hot!
Mary: Well, thank you.
Ted: You're welcome.
Robin: Mary, Ted is a great guy. You hold on to him. Don't let him out of your sight for a minute.
hold on to 〜をつかんで離さない
Ted: So, Sandy, what do you do? Oh, wait, I know what you do. You're the guy who reads the paper in the morning.
Sandy: You got me. What do you do, Ted?
Ted: Oh, same thing as you-- I read the paper every morning. But then after that, I finish my coffee and I go to my real job as an architect where I make an actual contribution to the world. I'm just kidding. Love your show. You're terrific.
Sandy: Thanks. I never tire of hearing that.
never tire of doing 飽きもせずに〜し続ける
Mary: Hey, you know that scene in Empire where they lower the helmet onto Darth Vader's head? Do you think that's how Sandy puts his hair on in the morning?
Ted: You just insulted someone I hate by referencing something I love. Damn, you just got even hotter.
Narator: And so, as the night wore on, I started to realize, this girl, despite what she did for a living, was kind of great.
Robin: Hey. Mary seems nice. Have you kissed her yet, or are you waiting until you're in a serious relationship with someone else?
Ted: I, uh... I wanted to apologize for everything that happened.
Robin: And just like that, it's all okay. Roll credits.
Ted: So you're going to be mad at me forever? What, we're not even friends now?
Robin: We're still friends.
Ted: Are we? You don't return my calls, we never hang out and now you're trying to make my jealous by waving Edward R. Moron in my face?
Robin: Oh, and Paralegally Blonde isn't here in her low-cut dress to make me jealous?
Ted: Oh, so now she's a whore?
Ted: You know something? Mary the paralegal is awesome. And you know what else? I didn't come here tonight to make you jealous, I came here to support you as a friend. And frankly, I'm sick of trying.
be sick of〜にうんざりする
Sandy: I like that guy.
Sandy: Hey. What were you guys talking about over there?
Ted: Oh, I was, uh, just telling my friend that I think you're awesome.
Sandy: Well, thanks. You know, this is one of the nicer hotels I've ever been in.
Ted: Oh, yeah, my friend did the remodel. You should see the rooms. The views are amazing.
Mary: Yeah? Maybe it's too bad we don't have a room.
Barney: Room 1506. My treat. You kids go nuts. Actually, don't use the mini-bar. Do it. Come on, Ted, do it. This is one of those things you have to do before you turn 30.
treat おごり go nuts =go crazy
Ted: Sleep with a prostitute?
Barney: No, lose your virginity. What up. Statistic-- men who have had at least one relationship with a prostitute are 75% more likely to have success in future relationships.
Marshall: You just made that up.
You just made that up それ、たった今勝手に作ったろ！
Marshall: Lawyered. Okay, three things. First of all, Robin's category's almost up. And second of all, you cannot do this. It's wrong on every level. And third, I've been placing small items in Sandy's hair all night. He still hasn't noticed.
Ted: I know I can't do this. I'm not doing this. It's just... it's a shame. She's really cool.
Marshall: Yeah, well... there we go.