ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Don't be bitter."

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ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“8yŒ´‘čzWeekend at Barney's

See, I told you. Thank God I snuck in this bag of goodness.

There's Strickland Stevens.

Wow. Even his scarf is up-and-coming.

Are you gonna be okay by yourself for a few minutes?

Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?

Well, you're sitting on an $80,000 sculpture.

For 80 grand, you'd think it would be more comfortable. Lil, I'll be fine. Do you know who you're talking to? In high school, I was voted most outgoing freshman, sophomore and senior year.

outgoing ŽĐŒđ“I‚Č

What happened junior year?

Egdud Ferhaki, that outgoing son of a bitch.

He beat you for most outgoing?

Huh? Oh, no, we tied. Look, the point is, I can make friends anywhere, even here.

Thanks, baby.

You got it.

Hey, excuse me. Listen. Do you think that you would enjoy a show featuring Donatello, Raphael, Michelangelo and Leonardo? Sound like you're a fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Gotcha. Skin it. He will get that on the drive home.

He didn't.

Fireworks?

Yeah. Everything in there is a prop we'll need for tonight. Everything. All right, here's how this is going down. You'll be wearing this earpiece and microphone. I'll be staked out here, telling you exactly what to say, so just stay focused and you'll be fine.

prop Ź“š‹ď

Which play are we gonna run first? How about the Weekend at Barney's?

Oh, Ted, your first day at the salon, and you want to do a cut and color? No. Tonight we're gonna start off with...

Ice Man to Neruda. Ice Man to Neruda. Bogey at 10:00, and she is packing two fully-operational sweater stretchers. That's bravo, Oscar, Oscar, bravo, Sierra. Possible delta cups.

Copy that. Engaging target. Over.

Excuse me, I have a delivery for Lisa.

Excuse me, I have a delivery for Lisa.

Are you Lisa?

Are you Lisa?

Uh, no.

But you must be. I was told to...

...deliver this package to a girl named Lisa, and that I'd recognize her because she'd be...

The most beautiful girl in this bar.

So, here's your delivery, Lisa.

Uh, I am definitely not Lisa, but I would be happy to help you find her.

Great, and then maybe later...

I could give you a different package-- my penis. That is a terrible line!

You said it wrong.

I did not say it wrong. My penis.

No.

My penis.

Still not right.

My penis, my penis, my penis! Hello.

This sucks. I can't get near Strickland. At least Marshall's having a good time. Man, he always knows just the right thing to say.

For a gay guy, Andy Warhol sure liked cans.

This sucks. Maybe I've lost my charm. No, Marshall, if Lily's gonna make it in this fancy art world, you're gonna have to make it, too, so suck it up, stop sitting on the art, and bust out the A material.

You two keep chugging like that, you're gonna have to Vincent van go to the bathroom, am I right?

chug ˆę‹Cˆů‚Ý

It's pronounced van Gogh.

Oh, blogh me.

I still don't get why someone would leave the hospital without changing into their clothes first. Over.

Ted, this is my thing. So just... okay? Over. Okay? Over.

Are you all right?

What? Oh. Yes, yes, I'm fine. Tomorrow, I'm... donating a kidney to my best friend. My best friend Barney. Not Marshall. Barney. Marshall's so lame. Anyway, uh... just wanted to grab one last drink, in case... you know, I don't make it.

You are so brave.

Hey, listen. Before I give my best friend this organ, how about... Nope. Nope, I'm not saying that. I did hear you, but I'm not saying that. Because I'm not.

Are you okay?

One second. I know you put a lot of work into this. I understand that. I understand that. I understand that. I understand that. Why can't I just talk to her? Maybe we'll hit it off... Fine. Copy that. How about I give you a different organ? My penis.

You said it wrong.

I did not say it wrong!

Thank you all so much for coming. If you'll indulge me, I would like to share a story about my dearly departed grandmother.

indulge ”M’†‚ˇ‚é

Oh, God. News flash, Johnny Ascot: Lots of people have dead grandmas. No, Marshall. Don't be bitter. You're here for Lily. Just look at her, so professional. She hasn't sat on a single piece of art. You're gonna ride this thing out with dignity for Lily. Not one more thing that might embarrass her. I will simply stand here. Perfectly invisible.

bitter —⍓‚Č

And so I dedicate this show to my grandmother's memory. Now... please join me in honoring her with 60 seconds of absolute silence.

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