Narator: Well, kids, here we are. We've arrived, my 30th birthday. The long-awaited story of...the goat. That week started just like any other. Barney woke up in some girl's bed.
Barney: In my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat.
Barney: Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again.
cabinet meeting 閣議
Robin: And later at the bar, you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, "who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?"
conquest 征服 self-loathing 自己嫌悪
Barney: Actually, you usually say that out loud. So...I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend
out loud はっきりと
Robin: And I just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend.
Barney: Best friend.
Robin: Okay, here's the deal, Barney. The second my feet touch the ground, this never happened.
Barney: Okay. Wait. Right click, save as... Into the.bpeg folder, and okay. This never happened. It's a good plan.
Robin: Now we go back to exactly the way things were before.
Barney: Okay. Right. So, Robin?
Robin: Yes, Barney?
Barney: Guess who nailed the chick from metro news one last night?
Robin: I'm gonna shower... till June, and, um, since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when I get out.
Barney: Okay. This never happened. Never happened. Never... happened.
Narator: But pretending it never happened wouldn't be that easy.
Ted: So, tell us, what was it like?
Ted: Penetrating that barrier. You and I are the first ones to hit it. Well, not the first ones, certainly, but the first ones at this table.
Barney: I... I... I'm... I'm...
Marshall: Although, I'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon.
Robin: Yeah, you are.
Lily: Yeah, and when I hit it, I'm going to go nuts. It's gonna be all night, and I think I want a clown there. I'm a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, I'm there.
Barney: What are you talking about?!
Ted: The big three-oh. You know, my 30th birthday's this friday. Did you forget? What kind of friend is this guy?
Barney: Ha-ha right. A great friend, by the way. The best. Is it my imagination, or are these drinks getting smaller? If this were a doctor's office, they'd say, "try again." How you doing there, Robin?
Robin: I'm good.
Ted: Oh, so, I made a a decision. I'm going to go through all my old stuff, And I'm getting rid of anything I have no use for anymore. Hmm. Barney, you want my xbox?
Barney: Ted, she has a name! And just what are you accusing me of?
Ted: Liking video games?
Robin: I'm gonna get a drink.
Barney: I'll come with you.
Barney: God, this is awkward.
Robin: What is?
Barney: Being around Ted.
Barney: Because of our thing.
Robin: What thing?
Barney: You're really gonna pretend this never happened?
Ted: What never happened? What are you guys talking about?
Ted: Guys, cut the act. I know. I know about the surprise party you guys are throwing me. Marshall let it slip earlier today. Hey, I'll totally act surprised and everything. Just be sure to invite Stella.
Barney: Stella! You have a serious girlfriend now! You're over this one. Robin who, right? Stella makes this one look like a filthy bag of garbage, am I right? Happy birthday, bro.
Barney: Hey, Marshall, I need your help.
Marshall: Yeah, I'm kind of real focused on the job hunt right now.
Barney: I know. I want to hire you.
Marshall: For the last time, Barney, I will not be your butler.
For the last time 今度こそきっぱり
Barney: I need a lawyer. I'll pay you.
Marshall: How much?
Barney: A little.
Marshall: I'll take it.
Marshall: Hey. so, I'm reading this, and, I got to say, this might be a little bit over my head. For one thing, I'm fairly certain that if these contracts aren't executed precisely, we will be at war with Portugal.
fairly certain that だとかなり確信している contract 契約 precisely まさに
Barney: Forget that. That's a Tuesday for me. New shredder. This baby'll chew up a bicycle in 17 seconds. From sky mall. It's all from sky mall. Whenever I get upset, I shop at sky mall. Want a hot dog?
Marshall: Of course. Why are you upset?
Barney: Marshall, I'm about to tell you a secret that you can't tell anyone-- not Ted, not Robin, not Lily.
Marshall: No. no, no, no, I don't want any more secrets, especially now that I know what you guys did to the drinking water in Lisbon. I...
Barney: You are hearing this secret, Marshall. I... I slept... Stop..stop doing that. I slept... I slept with Robin.
Marshall: You slept with Robin?
Barney: Are you mad at me?
Marshall: I don't know.
Barney: How's the hot dog?
Marshall: It's helping. You slept with Robin?! I... I cannot keep that secret. I mean, you know I at least have to tell Lily.
Barney: You can't. you can't tell anyone. Attorney-client privilege.
Marshall: Why are you doing this to me?!
Barney: Because I need you, Marshall, as my lawyer, to prove that I didn't do anying wrong.
Marshall: How can I help you as your lawyer? You didn't break any laws, did you? Robin knows you slept with her, doesn't she?
Barney: I didn't break any state or federal laws, but I think I broke a much, much higher law. The Bro Code.