ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"The second my feet touch the ground, this never happened."

‰˝‚ŕ‚Č‚˘

ŠCŠOƒhƒ‰ƒ}‚ʼnpŒęƒŠƒXƒjƒ“ƒOŠwK’†

How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“3yŒ´‘čzThe Goat

Narator: Well, kids, here we are. We've arrived, my 30th birthday. The long-awaited story of...the goat. That week started just like any other. Barney woke up in some girl's bed.

long-awaited ‘Ň–]‚Ě

Barney: In my experience, the way this normally goes is, we lie here for a while, make a little awkward chitchat.

Robin: Check.

Barney: Then I make up some cabinet meeting, heart surgery, rocket test flight I've got to be at, slip out of the apartment and never call you again.

cabinet meeting Št‹c

Robin: And later at the bar, you tell your good friend Robin the story of your latest conquest, and she thinks to herself, "who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?"

conquest Ş•ž self-loathing ŽŠŒČŒ™ˆŤ

Barney: Actually, you usually say that out loud. So...I just slept with my best friend's ex-girlfriend

out loud ‚Í‚Á‚Ť‚č‚Ć

Robin: And I just slept with my ex-boyfriend's really good friend.

Barney: Best friend.

Robin: Okay, here's the deal, Barney. The second my feet touch the ground, this never happened.

Barney: Okay. Wait. Right click, save as... Into the.bpeg folder, and okay. This never happened. It's a good plan.

Robin: Now we go back to exactly the way things were before.

Barney: Okay. Right. So, Robin?

Robin: Yes, Barney?

Barney: Guess who nailed the chick from metro news one last night?

Robin: I'm gonna shower... till June, and, um, since you were never here to begin with, you won't be here when I get out.

Barney: Okay. This never happened. Never happened. Never... happened.

Narator: But pretending it never happened wouldn't be that easy.

pretending ŒŠ‚š‚Š‚Ż‚Ě

Ted: So, tell us, what was it like?

Barney: What?

Ted: Penetrating that barrier. You and I are the first ones to hit it. Well, not the first ones, certainly, but the first ones at this table.

Barney: I... I... I'm... I'm...

Marshall: Although, I'm gonna be hitting it pretty soon.

Robin: Yeah, you are.

Lily: Yeah, and when I hit it, I'm going to go nuts. It's gonna be all night, and I think I want a clown there. I'm a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, I'm there.

Barney: What are you talking about?!

Ted: The big three-oh. You know, my 30th birthday's this friday. Did you forget? What kind of friend is this guy?

Barney: Ha-ha right. A great friend, by the way. The best. Is it my imagination, or are these drinks getting smaller? If this were a doctor's office, they'd say, "try again." How you doing there, Robin?

Robin: I'm good.

Ted: Oh, so, I made a a decision. I'm going to go through all my old stuff, And I'm getting rid of anything I have no use for anymore. Hmm. Barney, you want my xbox?

Barney: Ted, she has a name! And just what are you accusing me of?

Ted: Liking video games?

Robin: I'm gonna get a drink.

Barney: I'll come with you.

Robin: Okay.

Barney: God, this is awkward.

Robin: What is?

Barney: Being around Ted.

Robin: Why?

Barney: Because of our thing.

Robin: What thing?

Barney: You're really gonna pretend this never happened?

Ted: What never happened? What are you guys talking about?

Robin: Nothing.

Ted: Guys, cut the act. I know. I know about the surprise party you guys are throwing me. Marshall let it slip earlier today. Hey, I'll totally act surprised and everything. Just be sure to invite Stella.

Barney: Stella! You have a serious girlfriend now! You're over this one. Robin who, right? Stella makes this one look like a filthy bag of garbage, am I right? Happy birthday, bro.

filthy ‰˜‚ę‚˝

Marshall: Hello.

Barney: Hey, Marshall, I need your help.

Marshall: Yeah, I'm kind of real focused on the job hunt right now.

Barney: I know. I want to hire you.

Marshall: For the last time, Barney, I will not be your butler.

For the last time Ą“x‚ą‚ť‚Ť‚Á‚Ď‚č

Barney: I need a lawyer. I'll pay you.

Marshall: How much?

Barney: A little.

Marshall: I'll take it.

Marshall: Hey. so, I'm reading this, and, I got to say, this might be a little bit over my head. For one thing, I'm fairly certain that if these contracts aren't executed precisely, we will be at war with Portugal.

fairly certain that ‚ž‚Ć‚Š‚Č‚čŠmM‚ľ‚Ä‚˘‚é contract Œ_–ń precisely ‚Ü‚ł‚É

Barney: Forget that. That's a Tuesday for me. New shredder. This baby'll chew up a bicycle in 17 seconds. From sky mall. It's all from sky mall. Whenever I get upset, I shop at sky mall. Want a hot dog?

Marshall: Of course. Why are you upset?

Barney: Marshall, I'm about to tell you a secret that you can't tell anyone-- not Ted, not Robin, not Lily.

Marshall: No. no, no, no, I don't want any more secrets, especially now that I know what you guys did to the drinking water in Lisbon. I...

Barney: You are hearing this secret, Marshall. I... I slept... Stop..stop doing that. I slept... I slept with Robin.

Marshall: You slept with Robin?

Barney: Are you mad at me?

Marshall: I don't know.

Barney: How's the hot dog?

Marshall: It's helping. You slept with Robin?! I... I cannot keep that secret. I mean, you know I at least have to tell Lily.

Barney: You can't. you can't tell anyone. Attorney-client privilege.

Marshall: Why are you doing this to me?!

Barney: Because I need you, Marshall, as my lawyer, to prove that I didn't do anying wrong.

Marshall: How can I help you as your lawyer? You didn't break any laws, did you? Robin knows you slept with her, doesn't she?

Barney: I didn't break any state or federal laws, but I think I broke a much, much higher law. The Bro Code.

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