ƒnƒCƒ‰ƒCƒg‚Í"Let's lay off Ted."

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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“5yŒ´‘čzHome Wreckers

Kids, everyone has one or two moments when they make a huge, crazy decision that changes their lives forever.This is the story of mine.It all started with a visit from my mom and her long-time boyfriend, Clint, who was always saying stuff like

Ted, your mother is a very, very erotic woman.

Please don't.

As a painter /songwriter / volunteer fear fighter, I find her incredibly sexual.But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you?

Please don't.

Exiting her womb.Receiving her milk.You get me? Good.

womb Žq‹{

I cannot believe I am with that man.

Mom, Mom, it's okay.You don't have to settle.There are plenty of guys

He's so cool.And he picked me.

Well, I'm glad you're both so happy.

Well, good.Because we do have an announcement.Son.

Yes, my mom was lapping me.Getting married for a second time, before I was even married once.I was so happy for them, so freaking happy.Still, weddings can be magical.For all I knew, I'd end up sharing a dance with my own future wife there.

And if you don't boil those jam jars, it's just a welcome mat for bacteria.

That wasn't her.

Oh, congratulations.

We are so happy for you.

I feel like I'm 19 again.It's like the last 35 years of my life never happened.

So wonderful to hear, Mom.

Son, to show that your mom and I will always be there for you, I want you to have this beautiful picture, that I painted.

Kids, there was no guitar.

Excuse me, Ted.

Best.

Wedding.

Ever.

Hello, everyone.Mahalo for being here with us.My entire life, well, this life, I've waited for a muse like Virginia.Baby, this is your song.

When I squeeze her trembling bosom

trembling k‚Ś bosom ‚¨‚Á‚Ď‚˘

Oh, God.

The blood pumps to my loins When I penetrate her

loin ˜‚Š‚牺‚̉A•” penetrate ŠŃ‚Ť’Ę‚ˇ

Kids, I swear to God, I blacked out for the next 12 minutes.So I have no idea how the song got to this ending.

And Mahatma Gandhi And the pancakes Everyone.And the dragon - And the dragon And you, Virginia

Guys, guys.Guess what Robin just did?

And true.

Are you crying?

I know it's stupid, but

Everyone.

And the dragon - And the dragon And you

I'm happy, you know.

Not as happy as I am, Robin.Guys, guys.Guess what Robin just did?

And then, I told you guys what Robin just did, but you were there for that.I got to tell the rest of the wedding.Aunt Meredith.

Kids, I can't overstate how horrible it is to be the single guy at your own mother's second wedding.

overstate ‘ĺ‚°‚ł‚ÉŒž‚¤

So, Ted, when's your wedding?

So, Ted, when's your wedding?

When's your wedding?

When's your wedding?

When's your wedding?

Robin cried at Clint's song.Oh, I told you already.Ted's hot sister Heather.

I have to leave.

Wait, Ted, what about your toast?

Make up some emergency or something.I just I can't handle this.

Ted, Ted, where you going? It's your mother's wedding.

Uncle Larry, my hand to God, Niagara Falls.

And my friends didn't see me for the next 72 hours.

Seriously, is Ted okay? I mean, I know it was a rough weekend, but this radio silence is weird.

I know.His mom's called like five times asking where he disappeared to.

Sorry, Robin, they're all out of pretzels.And I know how emotional you get Let it go.Let it go.

Okay.Okay.I cried at Clint's song.

She cried at Clint's song.

Hi, guys.

Ted, where have you been?

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm better than okay.I am on top of the world.Come on.We're going for a ride.

Hey, buddy, do you want to, maybe, let somebody who isn't having some sort of manic episode drive for a while?

manic ‚Ć‚Ä‚ŕ‹ť•ą‚ľ‚˝

Yeah.And where the hell are we going?

First, let me tell you what happened the night of the wedding. Watching my mom get married, I realized how far behind I was in my own life.I just had to get out of there.So I went back to my hotel room, and got onto this Web site I sometimes visit when I can't sleep.

No, no, no, no.

We do not want to know what you and the Internet do when you're lonely.

I didn't.I That's not the part of the night I was talking about. I went to my favorite real estate auction site.Come on, we've all got one.Scrolled through a few properties and

Guys, I just bought my dream house.

What do you mean you bought this house?

I mean, I made a bid online, I won the auction the next day, and I got approval.I just finalized the paperwork.

And was the Blair Witch easy to deal with, or did she haggle over the closing costs?

haggle over `‚Ĺ‚ŕ‚ß‚é

Don't even joke about that, man.

So, I'm thinking this room will be the study.You know, a place just for Dad.I mean, the kids are welcome in here, if they're reading a book, but no toys.It's not a question of withholding love.It's a question of drawing boundaries.

Whoa.

Ted, this is insane.This is gonna take years, and a small fortune to make livable.

I'm an architect.I'll find a way.And if I start right now, it'll be done by the time the old wifey and I are ready to move in.

Is she in the room with us right now, Ted?

Okay, okay.I know.I haven't found Mrs.Mosby yet.But I will, knock on wood.

Careful, buddy.

Okay.Ted.You can't just skip ahead to where you think your life should be.It doesn't work that way.

Yeah, I got to agree.This may be the stupidest thing you've ever done.

Stupidest thing any of us have ever done.

Okay, all right.

Let's lay off Ted.

lay off ‚ť‚Á‚Ć‚ľ‚Ä‚¨‚­

Thank you.

All right.We've all done some stupid things in our lives.For example, I remember a time when I dropped some bottle rockets in the toilet, and I tried to dry them off in the microwave.

You must've been drunk off your ass.

No.Too stupid to be an adult.He was obviously a kid when that happened.

A kid? How does a kid even get

Who puts a bottle rocket in a microwave?

Oh, my God.Guys, great new game.Drunk or Kid? Which one was I? Lock in your guesses.

Drunk.

Kid.

Drum roll, please.

I was Drunk.

Yeah.

Hey.You know, I'm glad Robin got it right.'Cause she's very sensitive and fragile.I'm referencing the time she cried at Clint's song.And even though I'm whispering, I actually hope she hears me.

It wasn't me.

What?

I'm not the one who cried at Clint's song.

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