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How I met your mother ƒV[ƒYƒ“6yŒ´‘čzLast Words

Narator: Kids, when your best friend loses someone...

Marshall: My dad's dead?

Narator:...you drop everything and rush to his side only to find yourself standing there with no idea what to do or say.

rush to someone's side ‚ť‚΂ɋ삯Šń‚é

Ted: This is the toughest time in Marshall's life and I feel absolutely useless. What can we do to help?

Lily: Don't look at me. This morning Marshall said, "I have to pee." And I, "Don't worry, baby, I'll do it for you." Halfway through the pee, I'm, like, "This doesn't even make sense!"

Halfway through `‚Ě“r’†‚Ĺ

Robin: Well, uh, I've been to a couple funerals, so I know my role: I'm Vice Girl. Whatever Marshall needs to get through this day, I got it right here.

vice •s“š“ż‚Ě

Ted: Cigarettes, alcohol... Are these firecrackers? My God, Robin, you somehow crammed Tijuana into a purse.

cram ‹l‚ߍž‚Ţ

Robin: Be cool, nerds!

Lily: Marshall's mom hasn't eaten, slept or sat down since we got here. Wait! That can be my role! I'll take care of Judy!

Robin: Yeah, but doesn't Marshall's mom hate you--the fact that you two aren't very close?

Ted: Sweet save.

Lily: Okay, yes, Judy and I aren't besties, but today, whatever she needs, I'm there. I'm on Judy duty.

Ted: "Judy duty."

Barney: She said "doody."

doody ‚¤‚ń‚ż

Robin: Really, guys? At a funeral?

Ted: Uh, okay, while not all of us possess your lofty sense of decorum, Drug-DealerFrom-An-'80s-After-School-Special, we have to laugh today. It's healthy.

possess ‚Ɂ`‚ł‚š‚é lofty ‹C‚‚˘ decorum —ç‹Vě–@

Barney: Wait a minute! Today, we are gonna make Marshall laugh.

Robin: How?

Barney: Ted, what's the one thing that always cracks him up?

crack up ‘ĺÎ‚˘‚ˇ‚é

Ted: Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts.

Barney: Internet footage of a guy getting hit in the nuts, exactly! So we are gonna get our bro a four-star nad rattler. You search knees, feet, banisters, fire hydrants and diving boards, and I'll cover bats, rackets, hockey sticks, golf clubs and riding crops.

Ted: What about animals?

Barney: Uh... Claws, paws, talons, hooves, beaks and clenched monkey fists. We can do this!

Marshall: Hey, guys, sorry, uh... I left my charger back in New York, so my phone's out of juice. Does anyone have...?

Robin: Outlet or USB?

Marshall: Uh, outlet. Thank you. Oh...

Lily: Wow, you really do have everything in there, don't you?

Ted: You're like Mary Poppins, if her magic purse was also filled with drugs.

Robin: "If"? Ted, the kids in that movie jumped into a painting and spent 15 minutes chasing a cartoon fox. "Spoonful of sugar..."? Grow up.

Reverend: I'm so sorry for your loss, Judy.

Judy: Thank you, Reverend. We're so happy that you're going to lead the services today.

Reverend: Unfortunately, I can't. My daughter in Chicago just went into labor. But I'm leaving you in the capable hands of my second-in-command: my son.

go into labor ŽY‹C‚Ă‚­

Marshall: Your son?

Reverend: Oh, you remember Trey. I'll go grab him.

Marshall: Guys... Trey Platt terrorized me growing up. He was, he was the toughest bully in school.

bully ‚˘‚ś‚ß‚ÁŽq

Trey: 'Sup Marshall.

Marshall: Hello, Trey. Long time. Mm-hmm. I was not aware that you had become a reverend.

Trey: Yeah, well, your lunch money finally ran out. Kidding!

Barney: Marshall Eriksen, you could use a laugh.

Ted: Yeah! This video is entitled, "Little League Coach Gets Hit in the Nuts by a Foul Ball and Then Vomits in a Garbage Can." I don't wanna give anything away. Let's just watch.

Barney & Ted: Oh!

Barney: See? 'Cause, 'cause he got hit...

Ted:...right in the nuts,

Barney & Ted: The fat kid just runs away.

Marshall: Trey Platt. I can't believe my father's funeral service is being led by Trey "The Noogie Machine" Platt.

Ted: That guy gave you noogies? What, did he carry a stepladder?

give a noogie “Ş‚đŒœ‚ĹƒOƒŠƒOƒŠ‚ˇ‚é

Marshall: He made me carry it.

Trey: So, my dad has these questions he asks to help create a theme for the service, or whatever. Question one: "What were your last words with the deceased?" Lame. Question two:

Judy: Wait... My last words with Marvin were lovely. I've been thinking about them a lot.

Marshall's brother #1: Me, too. We went for a hike in the snow and had this amazing talk.

Marshall's brother #2: My last day with Pop, he taught my son how to skate.

Trey: Well, this is clearly yielding nothing. Thanks, Dad. Guess I'll have to fill the time with some jokes... again.

Judy: "Last words" seems like a good theme. Marshall, do you remember the last thing your father said to you?

Judy: Bye, sweetie.

Marshall: Bye, Mom.

Marvin: Son, there's something I want to say before I leave.

Marshall: Yeah, Dad?

Marvin: Could I snag that extra pork chop for the flight?

snag •ß‚ç‚Ś‚é

Marshall: I was gonna make a sandwich with that, Dad. Dad, don't they have food on the plane?

Marvin: Yeah, but plane food is ass.

Marshall: "Plane food is ass." Those are the last words my father will ever say to me. Right after I denied the man a pork chop. Oh, God. Wait! I'm wrong! I'm wrong! That wasn't it! They couldn't find a cab so my dad called up from the street.

Marvin: Marshall! Looks like rain out here! I couldn't find an umbrella in your closet! You know who probably has an umbrella?

Marshall: And then, well, see, my dad grew up in a small town, in another generation, so sometimes - totally well-meaningly - he'd say stuff like...

Marvin: The Koreans across the hall! Hey, the Koreans are a trustworthy and generous people!

Marshall: Dad...

Marvin: I betcha one of the Koreans has an umbrella! Heck, they're Koreans!

Marshall: My dad's last words to me were a string of odd racial stereotypes.

Robin: All that stuff was really nice!

Lily: Yeah! It's positive racism!

Marshall: This is worse than the pork chop.

Barney: This next clip is entitled, "Guy Playing Bagpipes Gets Hit in the Nuts by Low-Flying Seagull"

Ted: Let's see what happens.

Barney: Here he comes... Oh! Oh! 'Cause he gets hit right in the nuts.

Ted: And then the fat kid loses his swim trunks.

Barney: Fall off. Shorts just fall right off.

Marshall: No, wait-- I'm wrong. That wasn't it. They couldn't find a cab, so I went down there.

Marshall: Hey, you were right. The Kangs did, in fact, have an umbrella.

Marvin: Of course they did.

Judy: Bye, sweetie.

Marshall: Bye, Mom.

Marvin: Hey, son, I just want to leave you with a little advice. Rent Crocodile Dundee III. I caught it on the cable last night. It totally holds up!

Marshall: Crocodile Dundee III is the second-best of the Croc trilogy, so maybe I can live with that. Oh, sorry, my phone's charged.

–đŠ„

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